AITA for Husband hasn’t spoken to me for 3 weeks?

In a bustling household filled with the chatter of three young children, a chilling silence has settled between a wife and her husband. Three weeks ago, a casual chat about diet spiraled into a standoff when she quipped, “I’m your wife, not your mother,” after he hinted she should cook his high-fiber meals. Now, with him working away most of the week, his prolonged silent treatment has left her juggling parenting, resentment, and a sinking realization about their 15-year marriage.

The awkward quiet, punctuated only by the kids’ laughter, has turned their home into a battleground of unspoken grievances. As she navigates this isolating stalemate, Reddit’s buzzing with opinions: was her comment a fair boundary, or did it spark an unfair punishment? This tale of domestic strain and emotional distance invites us to question how far silence can stretch before a marriage breaks.

‘AITA for Husband hasn’t spoken to me for 3 weeks?’

So 3 weeks or so ago my husband was talking about his diet & I mentioned about how he should have more fibre in it and he was like ‘how do I get more fibre’ and mentally I thought we both have access to google but I didn’t want to be rude so I replied with the answer(s) and he goes ‘you wouldn’t make meals like that for me would you’ and I responded ‘I’m your wife not your mother’.

He said it was an extremely rude thing to say and hasn’t spoken to me in 3+ weeks. For context we have 3 children and he is only here for a day and a half a week as he works away so he would have expected me to bulk cook on the weekend for him to take with him.

My response wasn’t meant maliciously and I haven’t apologised because I genuinely meant it, we have been together for 15 years & it genuinely made me feel so resentful, the way he said it and the expression was puppy doggish and it made me feel like he was manipulating me - he can never be bothered to research or implement for his health even though he’s a highly intelligent and capable man.

I guess I feel frustrated he will pour everything into work (15 hour days etc) but on the home front, the boring day to day it’s all on me. This isn’t the first time he’s ’gone silent’ but I usually always make good or apologise and this time I haven’t.

It’s just so awkward and the longer it goes on the more resentful I feel over it - he’s pretty much my only solid adult interaction in person, both physically and mentally and I feel super alone but also sorry for him because he must really be a sad and cruel person to inflict this on another person. Writing this has made me realise just how deeply unhappy I am with him LOL, but anyway, AITA?

This silent standoff is more than a spat over diet—it’s a symptom of a marriage buckling under unequal burdens. The wife’s comment, though sharp, reflects frustration with carrying the domestic load alone, while the husband’s three-week silence is a troubling power play. His absence, both physical and emotional, amplifies her isolation, especially with three kids in tow.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, notes in What Makes Love Last?, “Stonewalling—shutting down communication—can be as destructive as contempt in a marriage.” The husband’s prolonged silence aligns with this, acting as a control tactic that sidesteps resolution. It’s not just about the comment; it’s about his refusal to engage as an equal partner.

Unequal domestic labor is a common strain. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 59% of women in heterosexual marriages feel they do more household work than their spouse, often leading to resentment. The wife’s role as default parent and homemaker, while her husband prioritizes work, mirrors this dynamic.

For solutions, Gottman suggests breaking stonewalling with structured communication, like scheduled talks to air grievances calmly. The couple could benefit from therapy to address labor imbalances and rebuild connection. The wife might also seek support networks to combat isolation.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s comment section is ablaze with empathy and tough love, offering a mix of support and stark warnings for this struggling wife. Here’s a peek at the community’s fiery takes—brace yourself! These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they light the way out of this marital mess? Let’s ponder that!

BudandCoyote − It's going to be hard to hear this - but ignoring someone this way is abusive behaviour. It's a control tactic, meant to get you to apologise and give in to him. Asking for some space after a fight to cool down is one thing,

literally blanking another adult for days or even weeks until they beg forgiveness/do what you want is very different. NTA, but I'd be giving him an ultimatum. He comes to therapy with me and learns to fight in a healthy way without this abusive control tactic, or we are done.

SadFlatworm1436 − I hope you read and reread your last sentence. You are deeply unhappy. That is not a good way to live your life and to know that is your future. It’s time for you to insist on change or make those changes for yourself. You need more adult in person interaction. Research some adult groups in your area, volunteer, do something for you. NTA at all

nittah97 − So if I’m understanding right:. - he gets paid the same no matter the hours he works. Six figures. - you, his family and his boss have told him to chill and stop working so much. - he works even during family vacations - he pays off loans from before you, a vehicle and helps his family financially ; you don’t know what else he uses the money for. - you work too while caring for a teenager and two kids under 6.

- all of the child rearing and domestic tasks fall on you - you pay for food, toiletries, gas electric, phones, clothing and footwear for the children and day to day stuff NTA. The man is willingly letting you drown with all of the work of actually raising a family and then has the audacity to be mad that you’re not bending over backwards to get him fibre in his diet.

PsychoTink − NTA. He can and should take initiative for his own diet and health.. But also, this sounds abusive and manipulative. If you’re this unhappy, and you basically never see him anyway, and he’s so content to not speak to you, what is the point of the marriage? Maybe use this time of silence to evaluate if your life would be better with him in it, or are you happy without talking to him? Because it sounds like you’d be happier divorced.

654capybara321 − how the heck did u stay together for 15 years

laughinglovinglivid − NTA, but OP: you barely see this man, he’s childish, and this silent treatment is considered abuse. Why are you with this man?

secretpsychologist − this will probably hurt, but i think it's necessary that you both consider this question: do you even like each other? he flees from your family into work and you seem to resent him, too. get some marriage counseling, you really need it. nta though

Crazyandiloveit − NTA. He can make his own food. My own father, now 70, long time an only provider  financially, worked 12h a day and made his own dinner, if what my mum had cooked that day didn't suit him (it was food for us kids, so he didn't always like it, that's fine).

He also never expected my mother, his wife to bulk cook for him when he was away (and that was often for a few years later on). At the weekends he also cleaned a lot and did his own (and my mums and our kids) laundry etc. He could easily survive on his own. And if he can do it, so can any other man on this planet.

They just don't want to/ choose not to. And that's it, it's a choice they make every day, not incapability because of their Y-chromosome. Also I guess often they think their own time is more valuable than that of their wifes.  Giving you the silent treatment is emotional manipulation and not how a loving partner would solve a disagreement. That's toxic behaviour.

Bluebells7788 − NTA OP this is a form of psychological abuse which has been working for him bc you usually apologise. 3 weeks is an insane amount of time not to speak to your spouse. Also does he at least attempt to help you parent remotely for the 5 days he's away? You seem to be doing the lion share of parenting/ family labour - does he acknowledge that?

Few_Dog7603 − Once an ignorer, always an ignorer.zMy Dad is still doing it thirty years later.This needs addressing NOW

This tale of silence and simmering resentment lays bare the toll of unspoken expectations in a marriage. The wife’s stand against mothering her husband sparked a chilling response, exposing cracks in their partnership that run deeper than a single comment. Is she right to hold her ground, or should she bridge the gap? What would you do if silence became your spouse’s weapon? Drop your thoughts, stories, or advice in the comments—let’s unpack this heavy quiet together!

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