AITA for “spoiling” a family trip bc im unwilling to sleep on a blow up mattress for 2 weeks?

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Family trips are meant to create cherished memories, yet sometimes they become battlegrounds for personal comfort. In this story, a man faces a dilemma when a long-awaited family reunion at a beloved lake house turns stressful due to outdated sleeping arrangements. With only two bedrooms in the cabin, he’s been relegated to the living room—a setup that worked when he was a teen but feels unworthy now that he’s nearly 30 and accompanied by his fiancée.

Feeling that his fiancée deserves a welcoming and comfortable environment during her first meeting with the family, he finds the prospect of sleeping on a blow-up mattress for two weeks unacceptable. Despite repeated attempts to discuss alternative arrangements, his concerns have been brushed aside by the rest of the family. This tension raises a timeless question: should the comfort and privacy of individuals be compromised for the sake of tradition and group logistics?

‘AITA for “spoiling” a family trip bc im unwilling to sleep on a blow up mattress for 2 weeks?’

Where do I even begin? My brother, sister in law and 18 month old niece live out of the country so its a big deal for them to finally come for a visit and rare that we all get to be together. My parents and SO live on the west coast and I live on the east coast. Anyway were are all planning on meeting for 2 weeks at my grandpa’s (RIP) old lake house that we grew up visiting.

Its a super tiny lodge maybe 1000sqft MAX so surprriiissee theres only 2 bedrooms. Being the youngest I have been automatically delegated to the living room. Sleeping in there with all the cousins was fine when I was 14 but I am nearly 30 now and that damn pull out couch is 20 years older than me.

Keep in mind that my fiance is coming AND meeting the family for the first time. I think she deserves to be comfortable and have some sense of privacy in a new environment. I have now mentioned to everyone that I won’t be sleeping there several times, which has been seemingly ignored and unsupported.

As the youngest sibling I am not new to getting last pick but it pisses me off that this is extended into adulthood and being pushed onto my fiance. Making it increasingly complicated is that the nearest airbnb (option 1) is a 25 minute drive and $2000usd for 5 nights.

And the only RV to rent (option 2) within a 2 hour pickup is also close to $2000usd. All the nearby motels are booked up. The fact that we might not have wanted to sleep in the living room for 2 weeks was never really considered by anyone else.

My SO and I having to front this additional cost is hurtful enough let alone the rest of the family not caring or even acknowledging that we just want to have a room/decent bed. The best they have done to help resolve is help us get a tent and blow mattress for outside.

I have decided that I will go by myself and sleep in the living room for ~4 nights as that is the max amount of bad sleep I think I can handle. This solution apparently is “ruining the trip for everyone” and making it all about me, am I the a**hole?.

When it comes to shared travel accommodations, comfort is more than a luxury—it’s a necessity. Experts consistently stress that sleep quality is critical for both mental and physical health. In scenarios like this, where outdated sleeping arrangements are expected to suffice for two weeks, it’s natural to challenge the fairness of the setup.

For example, sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus has noted, “Getting enough quality sleep is essential for maintaining both physical and mental health, and compromising on sleep can have lasting detrimental effects.” This perspective underscores that enduring a subpar sleeping environment isn’t just inconvenient—it can negatively impact overall well-being.

Furthermore, conflict resolution specialist Dr. Laura McAllister advises that clear, upfront communication about living arrangements can mitigate such tensions. She points out that family gatherings benefit significantly from proactive planning, where everyone’s comfort is considered ahead of time.

By discussing each individual’s needs and potential compromises before the trip, families can avoid misunderstandings and ensure that no one feels unfairly burdened. This extra layer of preparedness not only eases logistical challenges but also preserves the goodwill and emotional harmony essential for a successful reunion.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and refreshingly blunt.

Swedishpunsch − *EDIT: the toddler is also sleeping in the living room*. This *edit* is very important. Brother and SIL have effectively arranged that OP and his GF would be woken up by the child when she gets up in the morning, and would probably end up watching her while her parents' had private time..

This was likely plotted carefully by SIL and brother, OP. You've been had. If you do decide to go for 4 days, OP, don't become the morning nanny. Whenever the baby wakes you up, put her into her parents' room, tell them that she's awake, and perhaps leave the cabin for awhile.. NTA

SL8Rgirl − NTA. If the toddler is sleeping in the living room, so should their parents.

rsherman247 − NTA. I wouldn't even go, it sounds miserable. If it's not that big of a deal for you to sleep on the couch, why doesn't someone else offer to switch their bedroom for your couch? If you really wanted to make it work, afw.com has a few sleeper sofas that you could deliver to the cabin? $600 bucks for a sleeper sofa might make things better.

sun_and_stars8 − If the couple with the baby can’t sleep with baby in the bedroom so baby has to sleep in living room it seems to make more sense that the whole family set up in the space that can accommodate them.  Why should you be auto selected to the public sleeping space you’re sharing with someone else’s baby?  NTA

BossMaleficent558 − NTA, and honestly? I wouldn't go at all.

This will be her first time meeting all of you, and I think it's highly disrespectful to expect her to endure this with little to no privacy. So regretfully, we will not be present. I am not 'ruining the trip'. I am taking the best possible solution considering the comfort of my fiancée among people she hasn't yet met.

wotsname123 − NTA. The family has outgrown the lake house. It's nice and all for those who still get their choice of bed but it's super selfish of them to expect everyone to cope with bunking up in totally unsuitable conditions.. That's also really unwelcoming to your fiancé and they need to wake up and see that.. I wouldn't go at all.

AlannaAdvice − NTA. Why can’t you rotate so you’re not the only one going sleep deprived?! It’s the only fair thing. If your family doesn’t agree, don’t go. Dude, definitely don’t go if they refuse to compromise

UteLawyer − NTA. 2 weeks is way too long. The only solution your family is offering is for you to shut-up and just accept this miserable situation.

drezdogge − You are expected to Essentially be the night nurse for a toddler

yellowfin88 − NTA, people will tend to treat you the way they did when they had the most power over you.

These opinions reflect a range of viewpoints, from outright support to suggestions for compromise, underscoring the balance between tradition and modern expectations of comfort.

This story raises important questions about the balance between family tradition and personal well-being. Is it reasonable to insist on comfort and privacy, even if it means deviating from longstanding family traditions? Or should everyone compromise for the sake of keeping the reunion spirit alive? Share your thoughts and experiences: What would you do if you faced a similar dilemma on a family trip? Let’s spark a discussion about setting healthy boundaries while honoring family ties.

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