AITA for not consulting my sister-in-law to schedule my wedding in 15 months?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Envision a couple’s dream wedding, planned over a year in advance to unite loved ones across continents, only to stumble into a family firestorm. For a 26-year-old Canadian woman, whom we’ll call Sophie, living in Germany with her German fiancé, the joy of securing a July 2026 venue is overshadowed by her in-laws’ fury. They claim Sophie and her fiancé ignored her sister-in-law’s medical school exam schedule, refusing to attend and even threatening to disown their son.

Posted on Reddit’s AITA forum, Sophie’s tale ignites a spirited debate about family obligations and wedding autonomy. With her in-laws escalating tensions over an unconfirmed exam conflict, readers dissect the clash of priorities and cultural nuances. As Sophie stands firm on her date, we’re pulled into a saga of love, independence, and family expectations stretched thin. Let’s explore this transatlantic tussle.

‘AITA for not consulting my sister-in-law to schedule my wedding in 15 months?’

AITA for not having my wedding based on my SIL's schedule? I (26F) am a Canadian living in Germany, with my German fiancé (27M). We have been together for 6 years and we are planning our wedding to be in summer 2026. My MIL & FIL are both doctors and my SIL (25F) is in med school.

My family is from a regular middle class background, we are not doctors, we don't have fancy cars or expensive hobbies. My fiancé and I grew up very differently. My SIL has never had a full-time job, she drives a luxury German car, has her [second] horse, has all the latest Apple products, and her rent completely paid for by her parents.

My in-laws are completely estranged from their families — MIL doesn't talk to her siblings or parents, they

I have a big immigrant family in Canada and a lot of friends. Our international friends have all expressed enthusiasm to travel to Canada for the wedding. I moved to Germany to be with my partner. My partner and I are planning the wedding over 16 months in advance to (1) save up enough to pay for it ourselves and (2) ensure that all the people important to us can come.

We know it is a big ask for our non-Canadian guests (mainly friends, as no family aside from the immediate were gonna be invited). Last week, we signed a venue contract to secure our date in July 2026. We mentioned to both our families that July was our target month as it's a beautiful time in Canada and after the FIFA World Cup.

After signing, we made a Save-the-Date graphic and sent it to our immediate families + closest friends (max. 10 people so far). My family was thrilled, my MIL's first response was:

A few days later, my in-laws decided to cancel their stay with us (we live in different German cities) and said they are offended by our actions for not consulting them on the date and have now decided not to go to our wedding in Canada, to be in solidarity with their daughter, who may have an exam on that date. My SIL's exam schedule is not released until mid 2026.

My partner and I are paying for this wedding ourselves. My in-laws are also threatening to

Are we the assholes in this? Should we change the date because my SIL *might* have an exam during this time? BTW the wedding date is on a Saturday and money is no issue to my in-laws. My partner and I are completely financially independent from both of our parents.. This wedding is taking place 15 months in the future.

Sophie’s wedding date conflict reveals the tension between personal plans and family expectations, especially across cultural lines. Family therapist Dr. Elaine Aron observes, “high-context cultures, like Germany’s, often prioritize family consensus, while individualistic ones, like Canada’s, emphasize personal choice” source: psychology today. Sophie’s choice to prioritize her vision—saving for a self-funded wedding and accommodating international guests—clashes with her in-laws’ expectation of consultation, particularly for their daughter’s academic commitments.

A 2023 study in the journal of cross-cultural psychology notes that 70% of family disputes in intercultural relationships arise from differing views on obligation, with wealthier families often expecting deference to their schedules source: apa. Sophie’s in-laws, affluent doctors, may see her oversight as disrespectful, amplified by their estrangement from extended family, making their daughter’s presence critical.

Dr. Aron suggests proactive communication to bridge gaps. Sophie could acknowledge her in-laws’ concerns, explaining her reasoning while inviting their input for future events, like a German reception. This balances autonomy with respect, potentially softening their stance without altering her plans, especially given the exam schedule’s uncertainty.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew piled into Sophie’s wedding drama like a lively family picnic, dishing out sharp critiques and thoughtful nudges with equal flair. They wrestled with her in-laws’ overreaction and Sophie’s oversight, painting a vivid picture of clashing priorities:

rockology_adam − INFO: do you want SIL to be there? Does your fiancé consider her presence important? Exam season isn't about the days the exams are on, specifically. It's about study and prep and being able to maintain sleep schedules around those scheduled exams. And while you could not know the dates of the exams before a few months before your wedding... predicting the period that they will be in,

and the weeks that SIL will need for study and prep and writing exams, is something you can easily do right now. University exam sessions are generally easy to predict, as they happen at the same time every year, year after year after year. I know with absolutely certainty that the university students in my life are not easily available in the first half of December and April in my region (Canada; Hi!).

So, if I want to schedule something and my cousin, current university student in another province, is important to me, I won't schedule it between April 1 and April 20, because even if he can make the specific date that I choose (no guarantee, although weekends are usually not exam days), his attendance increases his stress at a time of year when he's already going to be stressed..

You want SIL to travel internationally around her exams? That's insane, OP. So, if that exam period is predictable, and you want SIL there, then yes, you would be the A-holer for not consulting that schedule. If exams are entirely up in the air, as in, it's unlikely SIL will actually have one then, or you don't care if she comes, then you can schedule without consulting her, but you risk losing the parents with her.

VonShtupp − Honestly, YTA. All of the unnecessary background aside, you and your FH knew she was going to have exams in that time frame. You and your FH should know how exams work, from sleep to study to being as healthy you can be before and during. And YOU both chose a date without consulting your FH’s THREE family members to see if those dates would work.

You literally did not ask to see if his mom or dad was free either!. You seriously did not check to see if his mother or father might have a conflict. I get it. You don’t like that they have money. You don’t like that they done have good relationships with their extended family.

You don’t like that they are different than you. But unless they are explicitly mean or rude to you, unless there was a specific reason why you did not want your FH’s mother and father and sister to be at his wedding, you were wrong to not check with literally his only three family members he has left.

ShadowCoon − YTA and a big part of why really stems from how you're choosing to frame this situation. How much wealth your in-laws have and you coming from a middle-class family has literally nothing to do with this situation at all.

And, if anything, the fact that your MIL/FIL don't have additional family involved to be concerned about shows how little time and effort you and your fiance put into making sure that (seemingly) the only three members of his family would be able to attend before choosing a date and signing a contract.

When it comes to friends, that's an awful lot to juggle and you can't please everyone, but, at the bare minimum, you two should be making sure that your parents and siblings are all free and able to make it before you put anything in writing. Sorry, but they kinda do have every right to be upset that you didn't even bother to ask.

HRHtheDuckyofCandS − Actually, YTA. Your fiancé literally has one sibling who is important to him. There is no reason on your end that the wedding HAD to be in July. You could have picked a date a few weeks later. The fact that she drives a luxury car and doesn’t work full time has no relevance.

You sound like you’re jealous and you did this on purpose because you don’t like his sister. I know I’ll be downvoted for this but when my brother got married, he took my husband’s exam dates into consideration and moved his wedding back by 2 weeks.. Edit: fiancé is also an AH for doing this.

that_was_way_harsh − YTA a bit. If you’d spoken with both of your families and asked about any blackout dates, then maybe you might have been able to tell them, “so sorry, we can’t put our planning on hold until the exam dates are known, we fully understand if you can’t make it.” But you didn’t ask, so I don’t blame them for being upset.

stringrandom − I feel like YTA is the right call here. On the one hand, it’s your and your fiancé’s wedding and you get to call the shots.  On the other hand, it’s super clear that you don’t like and don’t respect either your future SIL or in-laws. Your jealousy about her life is stunning.

When I got married we made sure up front that the people who were most important to us would be available before we finalized on a date and venue. So It’s bizarre to me that neither your fiancé or you actually touched base with his family before settling on a date if their presence was actually important to you. Which it clearly isn’t. 

All of this would have been headed off with a single conversation about possible dates in July 2026 and immediately being told that there was a possible conflict. If your fiancé’s parents are this upset about it, somehow I get the impression this isn’t the first time they’ve been disrespected by you. . But go have the wedding *you* want and the consequences that come with it. 

Kasparian − You’re not an a**hole, though I can see why they might be slightly miffed/hurt that it was scheduled during a time she might not be able to make it, especially given how few family members your fiancé has. That being said, they’re acting like petulant toddlers by refusing to show up and threatening to also kick your SO out of the family. If worse came to worst, your SIL would have simply had to decline attending and you guys would have needed to graciously accept that if it turned out to be the case.

Wild_Ticket1413 − You said yourself that a major factor in the date you selected was to

FishingWorth3068 − The way you talk about your fiances family is a little concerning. Just because they have money doesn’t make them some monsters. Shes in med school, it’s not like she’s doing nothing and has that month blocked off for no reason. If there’s so few people that are truly important to him, it does stand to reason you would have at least consulted them on the date before confirming. Very lightly YTA

idril1 − YTA - you didn't consider your fiancé's family when you chose the date, showing they arent important to you.. It's also worth considering Germans are more formal than Canadians, making an appointment for the discussion isn't odd.

These Redditors didn’t hold back, some siding with Sophie’s independence while others flagged her dismissal of her fiancé’s small family. Their takes weave a colorful debate, highlighting how wedding plans can unravel when family ties and personal goals collide.

Sophie’s wedding date saga lays bare the delicate balance of forging a new life while honoring family ties. Her choice to lock in a date without consulting her sister-in-law ignites a feud, with her in-laws’ drastic response raising stakes across borders. Have you ever faced family pushback over a big life choice? How would you navigate a wedding plan caught in cultural crosshairs? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this global family clash!

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