UPDATE: AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle because of what she did to her mom?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Envision a wedding day, typically a tapestry of joy, now fraying at the edges with family discord. For a 50-year-old father, whom we’ll call David, the anticipation of his daughter Emma’s nuptials is marred by her decision to exclude her mother, Laura, and assign her roles to her fiancé’s mother. This update to David’s saga, shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, reveals a deepening rift, as Emma doubles down on her stance, leaving David grappling with loyalty and loss.

The story, sparking heated debate, pulls readers into a maze of hurt feelings and unanswered questions about what drove Emma to sever ties with Laura. As David holds firm on not walking her down the aisle, we’re left to ponder: is this a stand for justice or a step toward losing his daughter forever? Let’s unravel this evolving family drama.For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle because of what she did to her mom?

‘UPDATE: AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle because of what she did to her mom?’

I didn’t expect my post to get this much attention, and honestly, I’m still trying to process everything. Things have changed a bit since I first posted, and unfortunately, it’s not for the better. I tried reaching out to Emma again, hoping we could work things out, but what I found out has only made the situation worse.

Here’s what’s happened: I sat down with Emma to try and calmly explain how much this situation has been hurting her mom and me, but she wasn’t open to it. Instead, she told me she’s asked Tom’s mom to take on some of the important roles at the wedding that would normally be Laura’s—like helping her get ready on the morning of the wedding and giving a speech at the reception.

When I asked Emma why she didn’t want her mother there at all, she laid out a few specific reasons that, frankly, felt more like excuses. First, she said Laura has a tendency to “make everything about herself,” and she was worried Laura would “cause a scene” or try to take the spotlight.

Emma brought up how, at her engagement party, Laura made several comments to the guests about how

Emma also claimed Laura has a habit of “undermining” her decisions. For example, when Emma first started dating Tom, Laura expressed concerns that things were moving too fast, and Emma felt Laura was trying to influence her choice in partners. This is a sensitive topic for Emma because she feels Laura has never fully approved of Tom, and that tension would “ruin the day.”

Hearing all this was hard. Laura may not be perfect, but the idea that she would intentionally make Emma’s wedding about herself or try to sabotage the day is just unfair. She’s only ever wanted to be there for her daughter, and I know Laura’s been nothing but supportive, even when she’s had concerns about Tom.

When Emma told me that Tom’s mom, Sandra, would be filling these roles instead, my heart broke. Laura has dreamed of helping Emma on her wedding day since she was a little girl. Being uninvited was already devastating, but hearing that Tom’s mom is taking her place in these intimate moments feels like a complete betrayal.

It’s not just that Laura’s being excluded—it’s that someone else is being given the role she should’ve had. I tried telling Emma that this would only hurt her relationship with her mom further, but she doubled down, saying she needed people around her who “supported her decisions” and didn’t make her feel guilty.

She’s convinced that Tom’s mom understands her better and is more “in tune” with who she is now. It was a gut punch to hear that, especially knowing how much Laura has always supported her. As for walking her down the aisle—no, I haven’t changed my mind. I can’t be part of this wedding when Laura is being disrespected like this.

It feels wrong to stand by Emma’s side while she’s doing this to her mother, who has only ever tried to be there for her. I’m not sure where our family goes from here. Emma is now saying she might cut contact with us if we don’t respect her boundaries, and honestly, I’m heartbroken. I don’t want to lose my daughter, but I also can’t stand by and let her continue to treat her mom this way. Thanks again for all the support. I’m still trying to make sense of everything, and I guess only time will tell how this plays out.

David’s steadfast refusal to join Emma’s wedding underscores the agony of estrangement within families. Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “Estrangement often arises from unaddressed grievances, where one party feels unseen or invalidated” Source: PsychologyToday. Emma’s accusations of Laura’s overbearing nature—citing her engagement party behavior and disapproval of Tom—suggest long-simmering tensions, possibly unnoticed by David, who sees only Laura’s support.

A 2024 study in Family Relations notes that 30% of parent-child estrangements involve perceived control or criticism, often amplified by new relationships like Emma’s with Tom Source: Wiley. Emma’s choice to elevate Tom’s mother over Laura signals a deliberate boundary, but her reasons feel flimsy to David, hinting at deeper, unspoken issues or possible influence from Tom.

Dr. Lerner advocates for empathetic listening to mend rifts. David could propose family counseling, creating a safe space for Emma to voice her grievances and Laura to respond, potentially uncovering the root of Emma’s resentment. Without this, David’s boycott risks permanent alienation, while supporting Laura preserves his marital bond but sacrifices his daughter’s trust.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s posse rallied for David’s update with a fervor akin to a town hall debate, tossing out theories and probing questions like seasoned detectives. They dissected Emma’s motives and Laura’s past with a mix of sympathy and suspicion, keeping the “missing reasons” theory front and center:

plsstayhydrated − INFO: did you and Emma talk about any instances of Laura 'undermining' or 'causing a scene' that didn't involve Tom at the time?

jumpsinpuddles1 − So either OPs wife is overbearing, and he's downplaying that, or the future husband is slowly alienating the family. I might pass on the wedding bit let daughter know that you are always there for her, without judgment, if she needs you.

ApolloSimba − Doesn't pass the wiff test. There's so much missing info.

Fire_or_water_kai − There is a serious disconnect between your daughter's version of things and you and your wife's. I can't say who's to blame, but something absolutely went wrong in your household. Whether your daughter took her mother's concern to the extreme, or you think your wife's qualities are endearing while no one else does, who the heck knows, but you're in a losing position either which way.. Have you ever suggested family counseling?

Material-Double3268 − This makes no sense. You are either leaving a lot out, or Emma is insane.

ForceBulky456 − OP, this is not meant to be a mean question, more like a prompt for reflection… How is it possible that you have spent decades with these two women, both very close to you, and have not noticed that their relationship is dysfunctional?

I’m not pointing fingers, it’s hard to say who is to blame here, Laura, Emma or both, but whoever it is/was you did not see any sign whatsoever during all those years that they are growing apart? You make it sound like you were a very tight unit. If you cast your mind back surely you can remember small details that were hints (?)

Suitable-Park184 − Are you possibly in denial about your wife’s behavior? Maybe this isn’t as sudden as it feels.. Or maybe you’ll be reading about Tom’s mom in the justnomil community in a few months.

GlitteringAttitude60 − When I asked Emma why she didn’t want her mother there at all, she laid out a few specific reasons that, frankly, felt more like excuses.. Ah.. The missing missing reasons.

BabserellaWT − I’ll take “Missing Missing Reasons” for $800.

CTU − Something is going on and I can't judge with the little I know. Updateme

These Redditors dug deep, questioning whether Laura’s behavior or Tom’s influence fuels Emma’s rejection, while urging David to seek clarity. Their lively takes underscore the complexity of family fractures, where love and resentment coexist, and no single narrative holds all the truth.

David’s ongoing stand against walking Emma down the aisle crystallizes the heartbreak of a family torn apart. Emma’s replacement of Laura with Tom’s mother deepens the wound, while David’s loyalty to his wife battles his fear of losing his daughter. Have you ever faced a family rift where choosing sides felt impossible? What would you do to bridge a divide like this? Share your insights below and let’s navigate this poignant family crossroads together!

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