AITA for not buying my stepdaughter a new car after she’s repeatedly gotten into accidents?

Picture a bustling college town, where a young woman, let’s call her Emma, juggles nursing home shifts and classes, only to find her car totaled in a freak highway accident. For Emma’s stepmom, Sarah, this is the third crash in a few years, and she’s drawing a hard line: no new car. Living 4 miles from work with no public transit, Emma’s plea for help stirs tension in their blended family, where rules about cars and fairness loom large.

Shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, Sarah’s story ignites a firestorm of opinions, with readers dissecting family loyalty, bad luck, and tough love. Emma’s accidents, often not her fault, clash with Sarah’s strict financial boundaries, leaving everyone wondering: is it fair to make a struggling student walk? Let’s peel back the layers of this family drama and see what’s at play.

‘AITA for not buying my stepdaughter a new car after she’s repeatedly gotten into accidents?’

My step daughter is not a good driver. She was not a good driver when she was a teen and certainly not as an adult. When she was first learning to drive, she did very fast hard breaks, she repeatedly left her car's lights on or left her car unlocked.

When she first got her permit at 16, we gave her two rules. We would help buy her first car but she'd be on her own for car insurance, gas, and up keep. If she wanted a car, she needed to be the sole caretaker of it and it was on her to ensure she was taking good care of it. Her brothers had the same rules.

3 months into her being 17, she got in her first accident. It was her first time driving in the ice and she slid. Her car hit another car. It was not a serious accident, but it caused roughly 1k in damages. Her car drove for another 2 months, but the transmission went out eventually.

She bought it at 160-ishk miles so none of us were surprised it didn't last very long. When she was 19, she was in another car accident. While on the highway, a semi-truck tried to merge wile riding next to her, she sped up and during it, another car tried to merge right as she sped up.

The car was totaled. Outside of wiplash and minor wrist injuries, she was okay. Because of this accident, we made her get her own insurance because our payment went up.

Three weeks ago, she was involved in another accident. Again on the highway, she was passing an on ramp and a car coming on hydroplanned and lost control of a ladder in the back of it's pick up truck.

It again totaled her car: it could not leave the scene and we had to get her to bring her back to her college. The other driver broke his collarbone and she has wiplash, a shoulder injury, and some facial damage that should heal in the next bit. The police officer told her that it was not her fault

but obviously we have to wait for the insurance to make that call. Once she got home from the ER, she asked for us to help her purchase a new car. She said that it's not practical for her to constantly walk everywhere until she could afford a new car. She makes $21 an hour as a CMA at a nursing home so it won't take her long to buy a cheap car

From her apartment, she is about 1.5 miles from college, .25 miles from a grocery store, and 4 miles from her job. I think for the time being, she can walk, ask for rides from friends, or use an app. We don't have public transportation, but lots of side walks. She can walk the entirety from her apartment to class, most to a store,

and on and off from her job. My husband wants us to purchase a new car and have her pay us back. I don't think this is the right move. To date, the only time we have ever helped buy a car is when they all started driving, and we only paid half.

She only saved 2k for her first car, so we only gave 4k for a new car. One of her brothers saved up 10k, so we gave 10k. If we start doing this now, we will walk down a very expensive walk.. I have gotten mixed reactions from others.. Thoughts? Am I the a**hole?

Sarah’s refusal to fund Emma’s new car reflects a clash of fairness and empathy in blended families. Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow notes, “Stepparents often face dilemmas balancing equal treatment with emotional connection” [Source: Stepfamily Foundation]. Sarah’s rule—matching kids’ car savings—aims for equity, but Emma’s accidents, largely not her fault, complicate the narrative.

Emma’s crashes, from icy slides to a hydroplaning pickup, suggest bad luck over reckless driving. A 2023 National Highway Traffic Safety Administration report states 60% of highway accidents involve external factors like weather or other drivers [Source: NHTSA]. Sarah’s focus on Emma’s early driving habits may amplify resentment, as Reddit noted, risking family strain.

Dr. Papernow suggests clear communication to bridge gaps. Sarah could offer a loan with a repayment plan, aligning with her husband’s view, to support Emma’s mobility while upholding boundaries. This approach fosters trust without favoritism, ensuring Emma’s safety and education aren’t compromised while healing from injuries.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s posse rolled in hot for Sarah’s saga, serving up a hearty mix of cheers and critiques, like a family reunion with everyone airing their gripes. They dissected Emma’s crashes and Sarah’s stance with gusto, dishing out support and a few sharp jabs:

SlappySlapsticker − I don't think it's an ahole move to lend her the money and she can pay y'all back, if you can afford it. This is where I think YTA - reading through her list of accidents they all seem like that, genuine accidents. Completely unrelated to her being a bad driver or leaving the lights on in her car.

Which I was surprised about because the start of your post makes her seem like a terrible driver who's at fault for her crashes...yet not even Lewis Hamilton could avoid someone aquaplaning into him out of nowhere.

[Reddit User] − If her last accident was not her fault, then the other driver's insurance should cover the value of her car at the time of her accident. Let that be her down payment and she can make payments from her salary.. Or you can loan her the money as long as you think she will pay you back.

LTK622 − You can choose freely, without obligation, whether to give or not give money, because she’s an independent adult. Your list of her past accidents makes you sound resentful toward her, even though she did nothing wrong and got injured by bad luck.. If you’re still married to her father [EDIT], then you may get blamed for sounding so resentful.

swoopingturtle − You sounds kinda bitter towards your stepdaughter. Like you don’t have to buy her a new car because insurance probably will but sheesh cut the girl some slack these are easy mistakes and she sounds like a good kid

marley_1756 − I’m concerned that you want her walking EVERYWHERE. I’m hoping she lives in a safe area. Do you like your daughter?

RegretOk194 − YTA are you sure you even like her? I'm all for loaning her the money as a reasonable compromise. But you seem really determined to make her walk for something that wasn't her fault.

Conscious_Abalone889 − So your stepdaughter is a college student who also is working as a CNA; living 4 miles from work. You have the means to loan her money (not give, loan) for a car so she can continue to work and go to school, yet you are choosing not to? Yes, I would say you are the AH here. Ask yourself this question-if her brothers were in a bind and needed a loan, would you help them? Or does this rule only apply to your stepdaughter?

Zombie-MountedArcher − YTA. I was in a car accident with “minor” injuries; I still felt like hell & it was months before I felt up to serious physical activity. You expect her to be walking all over, carrying books & computer & whatever else while her body heals?

What’s the weather like where you are right now? If she’s working and going to school, will she be out before sunrise/after sunset? Does she have to walk through any unsafe areas? She seems like she’s trying really hard to get a good start in life & had some bad luck that wasn’t her fault; why not loan her extra for a down payment on a better car?

wesmorgan1 − INFO: If she wasn't at fault for this most recent accident, she should receive an insurance payout roughly equivalent to her car's current value. Is that enough to either get another car or make a decent down payment?

issy_haatin − Wow, just shows how much you despise her.. A learning driver did fast breaks, and that's the excuse you're using.. All the other stuff is another drivers fault. Dad wants to help his daughter that apparently has gotten quite a few injuries, and all you're saying is: nuhuh.. YTA

These Redditors didn’t hold back, some backing Sarah’s tough love while others called her out for seeming cold toward Emma’s bad luck. Their takes sizzle with debate over fairness and empathy, hinting that Sarah’s hard line might miss the mark in a family already navigating blended dynamics.

Sarah’s standoff with Emma over a new car lays bare the tricky balance of rules and compassion in blended families. With Emma facing long walks and injuries, Sarah’s sticking to her guns—but at what cost? Have you ever faced a family dispute over money and fairness? How would you handle a stepchild’s string of bad-luck accidents? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this thorny family tangle!

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