AITA for denying household privileges because she refused to do a chore?

In a household where shared responsibility often defines harmony, one incident has stirred up more than just a minor dispute. A 28-year-old brother found himself compelled to take drastic measures when his 21-year-old sister declined a simple errand with their mother—a trip to the local fish shop. This decision, though triggered by a one-off occurrence, has left a mark on the family dynamics, prompting both support and criticism from onlookers.

The scene is set in a modern home where busy schedules and evolving roles often blur traditional expectations. With work pressures and job hunts taking their toll, the act of refusing to assist with a seemingly trivial chore has ignited a debate. Is it simply about a missed errand, or does it reflect a deeper lack of reciprocity and accountability? The story poses challenging questions about responsibility within a familial setting.

‘AITA for denying household privileges because she refused to do a chore?’

I(28M) and living with my mother(48F) and my sister(21F). I work full time, my sister graduated last year and is trying to upskill/get a job, my mother is a homemaker and does most of the household chores. So, getting groceries is my job on weekends as I get free time, but this time on Thursday we ran out of Fish.

I asked my sister to accompany my mom to our local fish shop (10 minutes by foot) and just help her pay at the checkout. (We use digital payments and keep limited amount of cash at home just for emergency). I expected her to say something like

saying it's not her job and she already has so much on her plate (referring to her jobhunt activities). This pissed me off and I told my mother to stop cooking for her, doing dishes for her or putting her clothes in washing machine. If she cannot come in clutch to help the household, we shouldn't help her either.

My mom says that I'm being an a**hole to her and I shouldn't take a harsh decision. We can just simply not cook fish for 2 days and eventually get it on weekend. My take is that it's not about cooking fish but being considerate and responsible adult. AITA?

TLDR: Younger sister refuses to do chores given to her so instead of arguing with her, I simply denied her household privileges like having her food made and clothes washed.. Edit: Answering some common questions asked by multiple comments:.

1. It is my house and they're living with me. 2. It was a one-off situation where didn't stockpile enough meat/protein to last a week. And we didn't have enough expendable cash at hand for my mom to go on her own. 3. It was a one-off task given to her (see point 2)

A sibling spat over a fish run might seem trivial, but it reveals deeper tensions about shared responsibilities. The brother’s decision to withhold household help from his sister, while dramatic, stems from a desire for fairness in a home he supports. Meanwhile, the sister’s refusal to pitch in highlights clashing expectations in a multigenerational household.

Family dynamics expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Fairness in household tasks fosters trust and respect, but rigid ultimatums can erode relationships” (Gottman Institute). Here, the brother’s reaction, though understandable, risks escalating conflict rather than resolving it. The sister’s job hunt stress likely fueled her resistance, while the mother’s neutrality suggests a desire to keep peace.

This situation reflects a broader issue: unequal chore distribution. A 2021 study found 59% of cohabiting adults argue over household tasks (Pew Research). The brother’s frustration mirrors this, but his approach—controlling his mother’s actions—oversteps sibling boundaries.

Advice: Open a calm family meeting to set clear chore expectations. The brother could offer digital payment training for their mother, easing future errands. Encourage the sister to contribute small tasks, acknowledging her job hunt stress.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, dishing out opinions with a side of sass. Here’s a peek at what they had to say, from fiery clapbacks to thoughtful takes:

Cultural_Section_862 − you're her sibling, not her parent. is your mother somehow incapacitated? I don't understand how she raised 2 children into adulthood who don't think she can manage to buy fish herself. 48 isn't elderly and decrepit. 

Accomplished_Two1611 − How much job hunt activities is she actually doing. Your mom is not helping her by babying her. NTA.

hadMcDofordinner − YTA for flipping out for something so insignificant.. If it was just a short trip, you could have gone to buy. fish yourself. Or your mother could have gone alone, couldn't. she? She's an adult.. Yes, your sister should help out but she refused this one. ask this one time and you went ballistic and ordered your mother to. punish your sister. You need to pull back and not get so. upset over little things like this. It was just fish and you. were not going to starve.

ClackamasLivesMatter − YTA. If you're always this overbearing I understand why your sister talks smack to you. Also, your mom is 48 and can't use a credit, debit, or ATM card? For real? This isn't programming a mainframe with punchcards ...

it's literally swiping a card or pushing a card into a slot, then either scribbling your name or pressing four buttons. Once you put in your PIN, the cashier will tell you what buttons to press, or press them for you. This requires less brainpower than writing a check or counting bills and coins.

ambercrayon − YTA because your mom is not your employee (neither is your sister) and should not have to follow your commands. Your sister should have helped but I guarantee she pushed back because she is sick of your attitude too. You need to enable your mother to make purchases on her own, whatever that looks like. You also need to calmly discuss household expectations and not blow up over one argument.

Your sister is not your child and if you can’t talk to each other as adults and work together then you will never improve this dynamic. It is your right to decide how much support you give your sister but trying to control what your mother does is not ok. If there is a continuing pattern of your sister not pulling her own weight in the house that is a separate discussion.

Katharinemaddison − YTA however annoying she’s being. You could always make sure there’s more cash in the house so your mother can go shopping. You shouldn’t be telling your mother what to do in that house fashion. She’s an adult.. Your sister should help out but what your mother does is up to her.

Lala_Kawl − NTA. I have 3 sisters and there is one sister who refuses to pick up any chores at home. She contributes nothing for the family. Refusing to do our own share of housework is a high sense of entitlement and it shouldn't be condoned.

CaptainSneakers − YTA It feels very much like a power trip on your end that you asked her to do something one time, she refuses, and you want to immediately place her on these long term restrictions. How are the rest of your household duties split up? If she and your mother do everything except grocery shopping, it might feel unfair that you're putting your one task on her.. Or she might have had a bad day and just snapped. You guys need to talk this out.

SiriusSlytherinSnake − I N F O, I know you said English is not your first language. What is your first language/culture/home country or something. A lot of people in reddit will base their answers off their own cultures and it will not always be fair or accurate.

Like where I'm from, I would probably sock you in the face as my brother trying to tell me what to do.  But that's my family. the dynamic sounds different to yours. To make a fair judgement, I need to know what IS your dynamic typically like.

Edit: NTA, I don't know much about Indian culture but what I do know and OPs responses, they do have the right to have at least some say so in what happens in the house if not a lot of weight. She should have taken the time to help mum out given it wasn't supposed to take long and was to the benefit of the house (ironically mostly her given she doesn't like the protein option left). It doesn't seem like she has many chores in the house so it is selfish to not help at least a bit.

Something_clever54 − YTA but that’s obvious

These Reddit hot takes range from calling the brother a control freak to cheering his stand against entitlement. But do they capture the full picture, or are they just armchair quarterbacks? One thing’s clear: this fish fiasco has everyone hooked.

This sibling showdown over a fish run serves up a classic slice of family drama—petty on the surface, profound underneath. It’s a reminder that even small chores can spark big feelings when fairness and respect are at stake. The brother’s tough stance and the sister’s defiance leave us wondering: where’s the line between discipline and overreach? Share your thoughts below! What would you do if a family member dodged a simple task? Let’s keep the conversation cooking.

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