AITAH for telling my husband that I would’ve never agreed to have his child if I knew he would go back on our agreement?
Family planning and parenting decisions can be some of the most emotionally charged topics in any relationship. In this story, a 36‑year‑old neurologist shares how her carefully considered plan to have a child was turned upside down by unexpected circumstances—and by her husband’s sudden reversal on his promise. Despite her longstanding career aspirations and her commitment to maintaining her professional life, the parenting agreement was clear from the beginning: her husband would serve as the primary caregiver for their child so that she could continue her demanding work.
When her husband confessed that he felt overwhelmed and expressed a desire for her to alter her career plans, the conversation escalated dramatically. In a burst of emotion, she told him that if she’d known he was going to back out on his promise, she would have never agreed to have his child. This moment of raw honesty, though heavy with frustration, has left her questioning whether her reaction was justified—especially now that she fears it might have irreparably damaged their relationship.
‘AITAH for telling my husband that I would’ve never agreed to have his child if I knew he would go back on our agreement?’
The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!
Family therapists and relationship experts note that shifts in parenting agreements often trigger deep emotional responses—especially when foundational promises are perceived to be broken. In cases like this, where one partner agrees to take on full-time caregiving in exchange for the other’s continued career growth, any deviation can feel like a betrayal. It is crucial for both partners to approach such discussions with empathy and open communication, as prolonged stress in these situations can lead to lasting resentment and conflict.
Psychologists emphasize the importance of clear expectations and consistent follow-through in marriage. When one partner reneges on an agreed arrangement, it not only disrupts the practical dynamics of the household but also the emotional balance that underpins a relationship. While the father’s feelings of being overwhelmed are valid, experts argue that addressing these emotions in a calm, structured manner—rather than through impulsive outbursts—can help prevent irreparable damage to the marital bond.
Moreover, counseling professionals stress that reconciliation in such scenarios often involves redefining roles and responsibilities in a way that respects both parties’ needs. In this situation, the focus should be on creating a manageable parenting schedule, potentially through alternative support systems like hiring a nanny or arranging flexible work options, rather than a complete reversal of the original agreement. This approach allows both partners to honor their commitments while also adapting to the inevitable challenges that come with parenthood.
Finally, experts advise that if one partner continually fails to meet their responsibilities, it may be necessary to reevaluate the sustainability of the current arrangement. Long-term plans built on promises must be supported by actionable commitments; otherwise, the relationship risks becoming unbalanced, potentially prompting considerations of separation or divorce if compromise proves impossible.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
The Reddit community’s reaction to your post has been largely supportive, with many commenters echoing your frustrations. Some highlight that your husband’s attempt to renegotiate the deal—after knowing what was at stake from the beginning—is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
Others point out that your career is not something you should be forced to sacrifice because of one partner’s inability to handle the challenges of full‑time parenting. While a few suggested exploring alternatives like nanny care or flexible work arrangements, the overwhelming sentiment is that you deserve to have your life and professional aspirations respected.
In conclusion, your outburst—though harsh—was rooted in the very real fear that your professional and personal dreams were being compromised by a broken promise. While you acknowledge that your reaction may have been extreme, it also highlights a critical turning point in your relationship.
Is it fair to demand that your partner honor an agreement essential to your well-being, or must relationships adapt when faced with unforeseen challenges? How do you navigate the balance between flexibility and firm expectations in such significant life decisions?
We’d love to hear your thoughts: Is it acceptable to voice your disappointment so forcefully when foundational promises are reneged, or should there be more room for compromise? Share your experiences and join the discussion below.
