AITAH for canceling a paid vacation after finding out my sister in law who we have been no contact with was coming?

The promise of a sun-soaked getaway to Cabo sounded like a dream—until it turned into a family ambush. For a 38-year-old mom and her husband, the excitement of a paid vacation with their four kids fizzled when they learned their in-laws had slipped a wildcard into the mix: the husband’s sister, a woman they’ve avoided for years due to her abusive behavior. What was meant to be a bonding trip became a test of their resolve to protect their peace.

Picture a beach house, kids giggling in the waves, only for a whispered secret to stop the parents cold. Their daughter’s innocent mention of “Aunt Casey” joining the trip hit like a rogue wave, dragging up old wounds. Readers can feel the sting of betrayal—trust broken not by the kids, but by the grandparents who played favorites with the truth. This story’s no sunny escape; it’s about standing tall when family tries to pull you under.

‘AITAH for canceling a paid vacation after finding out my sister in law who we have been no contact with was coming?’

My Husband 40 and myself 38 and our 4 children were invited to go on vacation to Cabo. We graciously accepted and began the planning process with the in-laws. They paid for the rooms and we were going to pay for dinners and some outtings.

We had everything planned. We decided to take a last minute trip to the beach a month before our Cabo trip. Everything was great. Until our daughter came to us at the end of the trip and said Aunt Casey is coming to Cabo. When asked who told her that she said Grandpa told her while they were swimming in the pool.

My husband and I were immediately upset. Casey (not her real name) is my husband’s sister who we have not had contact with in years due to her being physically abusive (provoking fighting amongst her siblings.) husband is one of 5. and brought our children into verbal conflict. Verbal abuse.

Violent outburst poor impulse pulse control. She has been told she needs help many times. And never gets it blaming everyone and never taking responsibility for anything.. Her life has been spiraling out of control for years never being able to hold any type of relationship. Father in law has babied her and let her walk all over him and almost bankrupt him.

She calls him names and is manipulated him to a point of no return. My husband canceled as soon as we found out she was invited. They know our boundaries and have made it clear we will not be at anything she is at. knowing they wouldn’t get the money back, We did offer to pay our portion but they refused. Are we the a**hole? They are mad because we canceled and decided to go on our own vacation..

Update: I just want to thank everyone for their input. This is our 1st ever Reddit post and I never thought it get any attention at all. I thought it was crazy to post when a friend mentioned it. I’ve only ever looked at post on here.

We are sticking to not going and have planned our own vacation. We still love them and will never understand their relationship with Casey or how she is able to manipulate them( mostly my FIL) but that not up to us to fix or try to understand.

It’s our job to protect our kids and keep our peace. Which so many of you understand. Idk why we let others make us second guess ourselves over this issue. I guess things can get weird and awkward when money is involved. Thank you again for all the input!.

Update number two: My husband has spoken to his parents again. He told them if they do this in the future it will mean limiting to no contact with the kids. We have never had this problem before so I’m hoping this was a one time lapse in judgement. They are going forward with the vacation and still taking Casey and we are still going on our separate vacation.

She’s had some “life changing” progress and they want to support her and we will not interfere or get involved. Didn’t ask what the life changing progress was and just praying it’s the help she’s needed. If my husband ever chooses to open that door we will discuss it then. But he set on no contact.

He explained spending your childhood to young adult hood with someone who had caused so much conflict and chaos has made him an adult who seeks peace out and chooses it every chance he can. Which I understand. And for everyone asking she is his older sister by two years.

My husband is the baby of his family. They are the two closer in age so he had a front row seat to her s**t show and she often blamed him for things or tired to rope him in her mess along the way. Thank you all again for the reassurance.

We had a lot of family is family comments and you couldn’t have stuck it out for a week comments or they paid all that money and your backing out over your sister comments. From other family that made us second guess ourselves for a slight second.

Vacations are for making memories, not dodging landmines. This couple’s decision to cancel their Cabo trip wasn’t about being picky—it was about shielding their kids from a sister-in-law whose outbursts have left scars. The in-laws’ sneaky invite, sprung through a child, reeks of manipulation, banking on guilt or sunk costs to trap them. Pulling the plug was less about drama and more about survival.

Family estrangement is tough but not rare. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found 27% of adults have cut contact with a family member, often citing toxic behavior like abuse (source: APA). Casey’s history—physical fights, verbal attacks—fits the bill. The in-laws’ refusal to respect boundaries, especially involving kids, escalates the betrayal.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, an estrangement expert, says, “Boundaries protect families, but enablers often undermine them to avoid conflict” (source: DrColeman.com). Here, the father-in-law’s indulgence of Casey overrides the couple’s safety. Dr. Coleman’s take suggests their exit was a necessary stand.

What’s next? The couple could reinforce their stance with a clear letter to the in-laws, outlining consequences for future breaches. Therapy might help process guilt and strengthen family unity.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit rolled in like a tide, splashing support and a few sharp zingers. Here’s what the crowd tossed out:

ProfessorDistinct835 − I mean, obviously NTA, not sure why you're even asking.

NaomiViolet_ − NTA. You set a clear boundary for your family’s safety and peace, and they chose to ignore it. You had every right to cancel, especially when your trust was broken behind your back.

Girlmomlifeforever − Thank you all for the advice and the input. We are definitely sticking to not going. We have already planned another vacation. I think what upsets me the most is they tried to manipulate us using our children. By telling our daughter first it was their way of telling us without telling us. I think they were banking on the kids being excited for Cabo and us not backing out due to them paying for the rooms.

Azsura12 − NTA But next time they call you ungrateful. I would just say back to them

Because if you did not want to hide it you would have told us up front. And we would have told you we were not coming and then you wouldnt be able to try and guilt us with

Crystalskyye − You protected ur kids and ur peace, period. like they knew how u felt abt her and still kept it quiet till ur daughter accidentally found out?? that’s sneaky af. they chose to invite drama and now mad u said nope. idc how much money was spent, that don’t mean u gotta expose ur fam to someone who’s been abusive. proud of u for standing firm on it.

shammy_dammy − NTA. They were planning an a**ush.

[Reddit User] − NtA. Her drinking in Mexico is just a recipe for disaster. 

NotSorry2019 − NTA. We used to get grief because we wouldn’t be around a family member with a diagnosed personality disorder. She was NOT allowed around our children. We also set conditions for re-establishing contact: three months without telling either her mother or grandmother to Eff Off,

with an automatic reset every time she failed. (She played them against each other, and we always heard about it.) It bought us almost a year of freedom. Anyway, long story short, her toddler ended up hospitalized with a Traumatic Brain Injury courtesy of a new boyfriend,

the state offered jail or her relinquishing her parental rights (after she refused to comply with their very reasonable conditions), she stole stuff from the enablers, and now only her grandmother will have anything to do with her (to our sorrow). Boundaries kept us away from the majority of the drama. Boundaries are awesome!

natteringly − NTA. If anything, you were generous to offer to cover the costs of the cancellation. Your in-laws knew full well that you didn't want to be around Casey; ignoring that boundary is on them completely. They have no right to be angry or annoyed at you.

If anything, they should be offering profound apologies for trying to trick you into being trapped with her. That was a very manipulative thing to do, and it was entirely deliberate. They obviously thought they could bribe and/or pressure you into going along with it. Good for the both of you for not putting up with that.

wishingforarainyday − NTA but your in laws are.

These waves pack a punch, but do they catch the full current? Maybe there’s a ripple we’re missing.

This couple’s Cabo saga isn’t just about a canceled trip—it’s about choosing their kids’ safety over family pressure. Ditching the vacation wasn’t easy, but it was their line in the sand. If you faced a sneaky move like this, would you stay or walk away? Drop your take below and let’s keep the vibe real.

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