AITA for yelling at my aunt after she kept pressuring me to marry her son?

The air was thick with chatter at a family gathering, but for one 24-year-old woman, it carried the weight of a decade-long burden. Raised in Pakistan, where cousin marriages are woven into tradition, she faced her aunt’s relentless campaign to pair her with her son. What began as teasing jokes in her teens grew into a suffocating demand, brushing aside her protests like dust on a shelf. When her aunt declared the match a done deal, something inside her snapped.

Picture a crowded living room, vibrant with colors but heavy with expectation. Her polite refusals, once a shield, crumbled under the aunt’s bold claim, leading to a fiery outburst that shook family ties. Readers can feel her pulse racing—torn between respect for elders and the scream to be heard. This isn’t just a family spat; it’s a young woman’s battle for her own voice in a world of rigid norms.

‘AITA for yelling at my aunt after she kept pressuring me to marry her son?’

I'm 24F from Pakistan, here cousin marriages are common and my aunt keeps pressuring me to marry her son (25M) since I was a teen. This started in my teen years. My aunt would start making jokes such as

I used to brush it off back then, ignore it and such hoping it would stop but they never did. Instead it started being more common. She started doing it every time we met and I've shut her down politely every time saying I'm not interested and it wont ever happen.

My mom knew how much it bothered me. She didn't want to disrespect her elders so she kept quiet and only spoke about it in private when my aunt messaged her. My mom told me to keep quiet and ignore because she wont let it happen This was very uncomfortable.

This whole thing gave my cousin some wrong ideas because he started messaging me in private saying things like

The strong feeling of ick and cringe just made me lash out. I yelled at my aunt calling her stupid for not listening to me and not understanding what no means. I used mild swear words as well and it was a whole heated argument. To end the argument my brother had to physically carry me out of the house, where I had a breakdown and we all just left her house.

My mom was hurt by this a lot and I could feel the pain in her voice whenever we spoke about this. She said she just wishes I handled it differently. After this came a series of unwanted toxicity and drama. My aunt yelled at my mom making her look like a terrible person for letting that happen and cut off all ties.

She influenced moms oldest sister and brother to do the same. My cousin got married to someone else and we found out about it through someone else. He got married and divorced just later that year and some how my aunt managed to partially blame me and mom for that divorce even though we played no part in it.

My mom deals with her siblings often and sometimes they drag her into dramas. I've seen her cry in her room alone because of this and it makes me feel bad. I feel like I should have done better or done things differently for the sake of my mom. All this toxicity and drama would have been avoided if I did things different.

Family gatherings shouldn’t feel like battlegrounds, but for this woman, her aunt’s fixation on a cousin marriage turned them into exactly that. Her clear “no” was ignored for years, and the aunt’s final decree pushed her to a breaking point. Yelling wasn’t her finest hour, but it was a cry for autonomy after polite rejections failed. The aunt’s retaliation—cutting ties and blaming her for unrelated woes—shows a power play, not love.

Cousin marriages are common in Pakistan, with a 2018 study estimating 50% of unions are consanguineous, often driven by family cohesion (source: Journal of Biosocial Science). Yet, consent matters. Her cousin’s messages and the aunt’s pressure ignored her agency, creating a toxic loop. The mother’s silence, rooted in cultural deference, left her daughter to fight alone.

Dr. Ayesha Mian, a Pakistani psychiatrist, notes, “Cultural expectations can silence individual choice, especially for women” (source: Dawn). Dr. Mian’s insight frames this as more than rebellion—it’s a reclaiming of self. The woman’s guilt reflects her heart, but her stand was vital. What now? She could support her mom with open talks, maybe seeking a neutral mediator like a therapist.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit lit up with takes hotter than a summer bazaar, serving support and a side of sass. Here’s what the crowd tossed in:

OKMace91 − NTA at all! Your aunt has some weird delusion that after you say no a hundred times you were still going to marry him. You are your own person and deserve respect. No should be telling anyone who to marry. Heck, you don't have to marry at all if you don't want to!

HowlPen − NTA. Did your mom really, truly have a healthy relationship with her siblings before this? It doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like her big sister was used to being able to mistreat her and your mom would just take it.

Your mom is still stuck in the mentality which is unfortunate. The best thing you can do is live a great life. That will give your mom something happy to focus on, and a role model (you!) for how to live differently. Be kind to yourself or to build a peaceful, happy life.

Gigi-lily − It sounds like your family was used to your mother doing whatever they eanted to keep the peace and intended to do the same to you. The situation has always been toxic but now you don't have to worry about that lady being both your aunt

and your mother in law because if you think this is bad imagine how much worse it would have been to be related to them through blood and the law. That lady would try and run over you and control your children as well, except now you would have had to pay to get out of it.

Fianna9 − A lot of the opinions you’re going to get here are from a Western perspective. I do t know what it’s like to live in Pakistan. But here is my two cents. You are NTA - you shouldn’t have to marry any one if you don’t want too. Aunt should have backed off years ago.

And especially if your parents don’t agree with her there is no reason to tell you “the decision is final” This is the issue I have with cultures where respect is demanded solely by age or birth order. Your mother seems afraid to upset her older siblings- but they don’t sound like they deserve any respect. They are treating you and her poorly.

OutrageousMulberry76 − From Pakistan. I don’t blame you in the least. She pushed and pushed and you broke especially with your cousin buying into your aunts delusions. Your mother is better off without toxic relationships

and people in her life but you have to realize she may not see it that way given the importance of family in our culture. I’d encourage you to persuade her for therapy to gain another outlook if she is open to it. And to build a community outside of family.

dwthesavage − She’s mad at you because her son got divorced—so I’m guessing the ex-wife didn’t want to put up with their family either—because she think you wouldn’t have had a backbone,

OhmsWay-71 − NTA.. Other peoples happiness should not come at the expense of yours. It was years, literally years of badgering you and you finally snapped. Sure, maybe you could have handled it differently, but until that moment, she had not heard you or your mother. When the bully is able to rally everyone on her side, it means they are very toxic and others are also afraid of her.

To take what you did as a reason to totally exclude your whole family is outrageous. Your aunt was clearly embarrassed, but she deserved what she got. Let it go. Encourage your mom to let it go and to find other people to connect with and fill the gaps that she is feeling. Go out and create new family and find joy in choosing who you want to spend time with.

languagelover17 − I cannot fathom how there are places in the world where marrying your cousin is normal. It’s 2025. EWWW.

alexxxxxxxei − Your mother is a wet sponge of a parent. Let her aggressive, borderline abusive older sister be a t**ror to you for years because... Of elder respect? Nah, don't buy that. I would've flipped this around back on her

Yes you could've done without the swearing, but everyone has a breaking point, and it's maddening to me that you are just expected to take this on the chin for years, all because you're mum can't confront her own bloody sister. NTA Edit: and also obviously the aunt is the main villain in all of this. It's just frustrating to read you're expected to fight against her alone.

LilacYak − NTA. As soon as she said “our decision is final” I would’ve seen red. I may just be an uppity Western woman but no way someone else gets to make that decision for you especially not when it comes to forcing you into an incestuous relationship with your first cousin. Your aunt is a bully and good for you for standing up to her. Your mom is wrong, she could’ve stuck up for you if she wanted it handled differently. 

These opinions spark like firecrackers, but do they catch the full story? Maybe there’s another layer to unravel.

This woman’s clash with her aunt isn’t just about a marriage—it’s about carving out her place in a family bound by tradition. Her outburst cost ties, but it bought her truth. If you faced pressure to bend to someone else’s plan for your life, how would you hold your ground? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation alive.

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