AITA for asking my dad to take care of me and my brother after our mother passed away?

Five months ago, a family’s world cracked open with the loss of a mother to cancer. For a 17-year-old and their 15-year-old brother, life hasn’t just paused—it’s become a scramble to keep things together. Their dad, once a steady presence, now drifts away, caught up in a new relationship that leaves the fridge empty and the house quiet. The older sibling, battling their own mental fog, is left to play parent, worrying over their vegan brother’s needs while craving a shred of normalcy.

Imagine a dim kitchen, a frozen pizza thawing on the counter, and two teens swapping worried glances. Their dad’s absence stings sharper than the winter chill outside. Readers can feel the weight of their plea: just a couple of nights at home, a hot meal, a sign he still sees them. This story pulls you into the raw ache of grief and the fight to be heard when love feels like it’s slipping away.

‘AITA for asking my dad to take care of me and my brother after our mother passed away?’

I, 17 and my brother, 15, live alone with my dad after my mom passed from cancer 5 months ago. I have struggled with my mental health since before that and require some assistance with everyday life. Recently, my dad got in a relationship with my mom’s former best friend and he has been spending increasingly more time with her and away from home.

Dad is almost never home, doesn’t cook and my brother and i take care of cleaning and laundry, though our grandparents help sometimes. There’s barely any food at home besides frozen pizza and i often lack the energy to cook myself or provide for my brother, who is vegan and often insists he can’t take care of everything but since he is 15 and still in school i can’t help but worry.

My dad says that he doesn’t want to be home if my brother and I don’t want to spend much time with him because he doesn’t want to be lonely. He also says that he wants to be there for his new partner since she also struggles with her mental health. So today I confronted him, asking him to cook or spend evenings at home at least twice a week or so.

He responded with saying there’s nothing for him to do at home. Now I am conflicted because I told him that when he decided to raise my brother and I, he made himself responsible for us and should take care of at least my brother to which he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house.

We argued and got increasingly frustrated until i left. I now somehow feel like an ass for telling him what he can and can’t do with his partner and asking him to be lonely here, while also still believing I’m not completely wrong in this.. Am I being too disrespectful?.

Update: After confronting my dad once again, he doubled down on telling me that if there’s no one home to talk to, there’s no reason for him to be here. I asked him to cook for us please but it didn’t seem like he was interested. Also he told me that it’s not my place to tell him where he has to be and says he doesn’t try to control who i hang out with either.

The past days he also hasn’t been home any of the evenings. Thankfully a friend’s mom offered that my brother and I could come over for dinner when we need to so that’s a relief. My grandparents tried talking to dad as well but he is starting to convince himself that we’re all conspiring against him and his girlfriend.

Someone asked too if he makes sure my brother and i get things like dental care and no, i don’t think either of us have been to a dentist in around 2 years, which i confronted him about and got met with “well you didn’t tell me you needed that” which i suppose is fair.

All in all he seems generally pissed that i am annoyed with him, which i feel guilty for and hope doesn’t stay mad. I also feel bad for meddling with their relationship and feel like his annoyance is justified. I still don’t think he doesn’t care about us, i just don’t know how to deal with him, even if I’m glad to see most people saying I’m not entirely unreasonable.

Grief can twist a family into knots, but this dad’s absence feels like a cut too deep. His teens, still reeling from their mom’s death, aren’t asking for the moon—just a dad who shows up. Instead, he’s leaning into a new relationship, leaving his kids to fend for themselves. The 17-year-old’s mental health struggles and their brother’s dietary needs make his detachment not just hurtful but reckless. It’s a classic case of a parent dodging duty when it’s needed most.

Parental neglect after loss isn’t rare. A 2023 report by the Child Welfare League of America notes that 28% of children in bereaved households face reduced parental supervision, risking emotional and physical neglect (source: CWLA). The dad’s claim that staying home feels “lonely” sidesteps his role, while his teens scramble to fill the gaps.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert, says, “Children need consistent presence to process loss safely” (source: Center for Loss). Here, the dad’s focus on his girlfriend’s mental health over his kids’ screams mispriority. Dr. Wolfelt’s words underline why the teen’s plea matters—routine care like meals or check-ins builds trust.

What’s the fix? The teen could lean on trusted adults—like grandparents or a school counselor—for support, maybe even looping in social services for resources. Dad needs a wake-up call, perhaps through family mediation.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t mince words, tossing out advice and outrage like confetti at a protest. Here’s the scoop from the community:

Calyptra_thalictri − NTA. This is very rough, and I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad's dropping the ball big time, and you guys shouldn't have to pay the penalty. There may be services such as Meals on Wheels that you can access due to having lost a parent, even with one still living and in the home with you, that could help solve some of the immediate problems.

You should try reaching out to a guidance counselor at school or social services to see if they have a list of short-term assistance referrals, or if they can assign a case-worker to help you navigate any benefits you should be receiving but aren't.

RazzmatazzOk2129 − NTA. When he says there's nothing to do at home, say one of the below:. - you could try parenting your children. I've heard it's a pretty involved job. - we are not your roommates, we are your underage children who need more from you than just 'an adult in the house.'

- did you mean to say nothing or no-one to do? Is getting laid the only thing in your mind? - hey, we could go to the grocery store so there is food in the house to feed your minor children.. - we ALL can learn to cook some amazing food for all of us.. - you can TALK to your kids. Ask us about our day and we will ask about yours.

- you have a 15 yr old SON who needs some interaction from his father. What kind of example of manhood are you? - I am not your maid, wife, chef etc. What do you do to help maintain this home other than paying rent and utilities? You dont ensure your children have food. You don't ensure your children are safe in the home.

- your bored because you have checked out of your responsibility as a father and man. There are so many things you should be doing here and it's sad you can't think of them. Would you be proud if your boss and coworkers knew this? Your parents, siblings, CPS?

Shortestbreath − You may consider reaching out to CPS so they can explain to him his responsibilities and enforce his compliance. There are also a ton of programs for late teen children who spend even one day in foster that will help you entering adulthood since your dad seems like a deadbeat. 

Source4trash − NTA. Holy s**t, dude. I am so sorry. You need to reach out to family and let them know what’s going on. Your father’s behavior is unacceptable. It’s one thing to be hurting but you are his children. It’s okay to feel for him, but he should be stepping up for you instead of banging your mom’s friend when she’s barely in the f**king ground.. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but you don’t deserve this. Call CPS if you have to.

Aylauria −  to which he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house. Yes. Yes it is. It is LITERALLY his job. He's the parent. I'm sorry your dad is utterly failing you as a parent. If you have any other adults you can go to for help, it's time to do that. NTA

Frozen-Nose-22 − Your dad is a massive A. Everyone in your family is grieving, but what makes him so special? His way of dealing with it is to chase some tail instead of manning up and taking responsibility for his kids. Talk to your grandparents about moving in with them or talk to your high school counsellor and see what resources there are. You are not an ass for telling your dad off. He deserved every bit of that and I hope he will be super lonely.

HashtagIRL − NTA. What you said to him is the truth and he's not being a very good father. I'm so sorry that you lost your mom so young, and even more sorry your dad isn't supporting you the way a father should. Your requests aren't unreasonable. I hope he figures that out soon.

Mysterious_Clue_3500 − NTA. You are absolutely right! He is responsible for taking care of you and your brother. It is not unreasonable to ask him to do what he should already be doing, Info: Is he gone overnight? If so how often?

How many nights a week on average is he there in the evenings? Is he there in the mornings to help with breakfast and such? How do you and your brother get to school? Do you go more than a day at a time without seeing him? Do you grandparents stay with you and your brother?

Financial-Highway492 − NTA. You need to make some calls and talk to an adult who will intervene on your behalf. You and your brothers are minors. What your father is doing is n**lect. If there is a counsellor or a teacher you trust at school please reach out to them and be honest. You will not be in any trouble. You and your brother have had a terrible loss, which I’m so sorry to hear about and you deserve support and people rallying behind you while you grieve.

Consistent-Ad3191 − I'm sorry, but what your father is doing is child n**lect I would talk to your school and see what can be done about it because he can't just abandon you because he's lonely. That's a poor excuse. He has two children at home.

He just lost his wife and he's already jumping into another relationship and not even grieving. He needs to be accountable for his actions and stop being selfish and needs to provide better food for your kids because you need nutrients love and care. He's abandoning you and that's illegal.

These takes burn bright, but do they light the whole path? Maybe there’s another angle to chew on.

This teen’s story is a gut-punch, showing how grief can fracture what’s left of a family. Asking their dad to step up wasn’t disrespect—it was a cry for him to be the parent they need. If you were in their shoes, how would you bridge that gap—or would you walk away? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this real talk going.

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