AITA for not wanting to invite my best friend and his wife to my wedding after they hid theirs from me?

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The guest list was supposed to be the fun part, but for one bride-to-be, it’s a bittersweet puzzle. At 29, she’s mapping out her dream wedding, yet her heart snags on a name—or two—that once meant the world. Her childhood best friend, closer than family, and his new wife pulled a vanishing act on their own wedding, leaving her to hear the news from his tearful mom. Now, as her big day looms, she’s wrestling with a quiet urge to leave them off the invite list.

Imagine a cozy café, her planner open, names scribbled and scratched out. The sting of being sidelined lingers like cold coffee, mixing with guilt over their tearful apologies. Readers can’t help but feel her tug-of-war: loyalty to a lifelong bond versus the calm of new boundaries. This story isn’t just about a wedding—it’s about who gets a seat at your life’s table.

‘AITA for not wanting to invite my best friend and his wife to my wedding after they hid theirs from me?’

I’m 29F my partner and I are planning to get married soon. My childhood best friend more like a brother (he is like my family) had always been a constant in my life. Over the years, he had several relationships, and I was always there for him without judgment. In December 2023, a close friend of mine from another country came to visit India.

I introduced her to him casually,. They hooked up soon after, and from what I was told, it was nothing serious.. They became serious. They got engaged secretly and eventually married in Bali last fall. I wasn’t aware about it. In fact, no one from his family was even there. I found out because his mom, who was in shock, called me crying.

She said her son had told them he was going on vacation, and then suddenly, he was married. She even asked me to be there while confronting him, but I was too stunned and emotionally drained to get involved. Meanwhile, I had always been open with them, sharing details about my own life and relationship, never once suspecting they were hiding such huge milestones.

After their wedding, they started contacting me with their marital problems, hoping I could play mediator. I tried twice. I also told them I was hurt they kept everything from me. They apologized and said they wanted to keep things private (even though everyone from her side of the family was there) thanked me for introducing them.

Apparently, her family feels conscious around people from my country, so they decided not to invite anyone. I accepted their apology, but emotionally, something had shifted. Then, on my 29th birthday, they both forgot to wish me not that I was expecting much. But what really hit me was that they called me on that very day to ask for help resolving an argument.

About food. That’s when I realized how little they respected my time, or maybe even me. I told them, kindly but firmly, that I have my own life and don’t want to be bothered with their trivial issues. After that, we didn’t speak. Until three days ago when they both called, crying, saying they realized how selfish they’d been and how much they missed me.

They asked if we could reconnect when they’re in India next. I just told them I was busy and left it at that. Now here’s the thing I’m planning my wedding. And a part of me feels no desire to tell them at all. Not out of spite, but because I finally understand the value of emotional boundaries.

They made a deliberate choice to exclude me from the most important moment in their lives. Why should I feel guilty about doing the same?. Still, I’m human and there’s a little guilt creeping in. They cried. They apologized.. But AITAH for not wanting to tell them about my wedding?. Or is it just me finally choosing myself after years of one-sided loyalty?. TL;DR:

I introduced my childhood best friend (like a brother) to my friend from another country. They hooked up, secretly got serious, engaged, and married in Bali without informing me or even his own family. I found out from his mom, who was heartbroken.

Later, they started calling me for help with their marital problems, even on my birthday, which they forgot. They recently apologized and asked to reconnect. Now that I’m planning my own wedding, I’m thinking of not informing them at all. Feeling a bit guilty; AITA for choosing peace and not including them?

Weddings stir up more than seating charts—they unearth the fault lines in friendships. This bride’s hurt runs deep after her best friend and his wife hid their marriage, only to lean on her for support later. Their secrecy, paired with ignoring her birthday, paints a one-sided picture. Her choice to possibly exclude them from her wedding isn’t spite—it’s self-preservation after years of giving.

Friendship imbalances aren’t uncommon. A 2021 study by the American Sociological Association found that 62% of adults feel they give more emotionally in friendships than they receive (source: ASA). Her friend’s excuse—cultural discomfort—feels flimsy when weighed against her openness. The birthday oversight and mediation requests only widened the gap.

Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, says, “Healthy friendships require mutual respect and reciprocity” (source: The Friendship Blog). Here, the bride sees little of either. Dr. Levine’s words suggest she’s right to question the relationship’s value. Her guilt shows heart, but boundaries show strength. What’s the move? She could send a kind message explaining her choice, leaving the door ajar for future healing.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit jumped in with a mix of cheers and tough love, dishing out takes as bold as wedding cake. Here’s what they had to say:

Overall-Ad1461 −

grayblue_grrl − Always choose peace.. ALWAYS.. NTA

Suspicious_Lock_527 − Nah, you’re not the AH at all. Honestly, it sounds like you were always the one showing up in that friendship, and they only came around when they needed something. They made a conscious choice to keep you out of their biggest moment, and now that it’s your turn, you’re under no obligation to include them.

Crying and apologizing doesn’t undo the fact that they consistently disregarded your feelings and time. It’s okay to protect your peace. Weddings are for celebrating with people who genuinely love and respect you—not those who treat you like a backup therapist.. Choose you.

Werewolvesarebetter − NTA. I often see people saying,

Get married with the people who genuinely love and respect you around you. If the question of why you didn't invite your

Salt-Finding9193 − They are terrible excuses for friends. The people you once knew no longer exist. These losers are selfish, self centred, shallow people who should be left behind. Move on and up with your life. 

Long-Oil-5681 − NTA, they want something and it's probably big.. They both showed you what you mean to them, believe them and move forward.

Eastern_Condition863 − NTA. It sounds like the friendship has been over for some time. You're not not extending an invite out of revenge or pettiness. You're doing it because they no longer fit with the vision you have for your new future and that's okay if that's what you choose. It's okay to let go of friendships and relationships that are no longer serving us.

EDJardin − NTA, and stop referring to him as your

Raven_Heart8 − NTA You don't need to prioritize people who don't prioritize you. Don't tell them, but keep in mind that given how connected you are, they are likely going to find out. Have a response ready if and when they do reach out about being snubbed.

cachalker − Well, TBH, it sounds like what they actually miss is having you be their free marriage counselor. And it sounds like you’ve determined that you’re actually getting nothing from the “friendship.” No friendship is ever 50/50 100% of the time. It ebbs and flows.

But when it reaches a point where it feels like it never flows back, it’s okay to decide that a friendship has become too exhausting to maintain. You’re just doing the KonMari thing…decluttering your life of relationships that don’t spark joy. NTA. If the friendship no longer brings you any joy, why should you feel compelled to invite that to an event that should be all about joy?

These opinions pack a punch, but do they catch the whole vibe? Maybe there’s more to savor here.

This bride’s journey reminds us that even love-filled moments like weddings can shine a light on who truly shows up for you. Choosing not to invite her friend isn’t about revenge—it’s about guarding her joy. If you were in her shoes, would you extend the olive branch or keep the guest list tight? Drop your take below and let’s toast to tough choices.

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