My boyfriend is furious that I’m breaking up after he insisted on opening our relationship?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Candlelight flickers across a cozy apartment, where a couple lounges on a worn couch, laughter fading into a heavy pause. For one woman, a night meant for connection turns sour when her boyfriend of four months drops a bombshell: he’s set on an open relationship down the line. Her heart sinks—not from anger, but from the weight of knowing she’s always wanted exclusivity. It’s a moment that crystallizes doubts she’s been wrestling with, from his selfish streaks to emotional disconnects.

The sting of his words lingers, nudging her toward a tough call. She’s no quitter, but his disregard for her feelings speaks louder than promises of a “great year” together. Breaking up feels like the only path, yet his fury leaves her second-guessing. Was she too hasty, or did she dodge a heartbreak waiting to happen? This story dives into love’s tricky crossroads, where boundaries and desires collide.

‘My boyfriend is furious that I’m breaking up after he insisted on opening our relationship?’

My boyfriend and I (both in early 30s) have been in a relationship for almost four months. From the beginning, the topic of an open relationship came up, and I was very clear that I wanted something exclusive. Eventually, we agreed that we could revisit the discussion after one year and see how I felt about it.

At the time, I already suspected I wouldn’t be okay with it, but I liked the idea of spending a year with him, so I thought I could cross that bridge when we got there or we can break up with good memories. However, during a chill night together recently, he suddenly brought up the topic again and told me that he definitely wants an open relationship after one year.

It was kind of out of nowhere because it was not even one of our topics recently. This instantly made me sad—not angry—because I was already struggling with the relationship in other ways. I had been trying to convince myself that I could deal with certain issues, such as his tendency to be selfish in many topics, ignoring my emotions if they are not matching with his, and a s** life that hasn’t been as fulfilling as I’d hoped (even though I brought up the subject so many times).

I told him that his timing really upset me because I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation, especially when we were already dealing with other issues. He apologized for bringing it up after seeing how sad I was. But the next day, I realized I was done.

When I told him, he got angry and upset, saying I hadn’t even thought it through, that our s** life was just fine, and that I was making up problems in my head. He also said that we had promised each other a great one-year relationship, and now I was just giving up. I’m actually not someone who quits things easily.

But the way he handled this topic—with such a strong focus on what he wants, rather than how I might feel—made me even more frustrated. And at this point, I don’t even feel like I can bring up how I feel, because it would just make him angrier and he wouldn’t consider what I say.. Now I’m wondering if I should have even started this relationship in the first place.. Am I being unreasonable for ending things? I do not want to feel guilty..

Relationships thrive on mutual respect, but this one hit a wall when desires diverged. The Redditor craved exclusivity, while her boyfriend leaned toward openness, ignoring her emotional needs and dismissing her concerns about their intimacy. His push to revisit the open relationship talk—despite her clear stance—shows a focus on his wants over hers. Her sadness, not anger, reveals a deeper truth: she felt unseen, a feeling compounded by his selfish tendencies.

This scenario mirrors a broader issue: compatibility in relationship structures. A 2023 YouGov poll found 34% of Americans are open to non-monogamy, but for those like the Redditor who value exclusivity, mismatched goals spell trouble. Relationship therapist Esther Perel notes, “Clarity in what you want is the foundation of trust” (source: her public TED Talks). Here, the boyfriend’s dismissal of her feelings—calling her issues “made up”—erodes that foundation.

The Redditor’s choice to leave reflects self-awareness, not impulsiveness. His anger at the breakup suggests he expected compliance, not agency. Perel’s advice—honest communication early on—could’ve clarified their divide sooner. For others, she recommends asking, “What does commitment mean to you?” to avoid surprises.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit served up a mix of support and spice—here’s what the crowd had to say:

Fearless-Speech-1131 − You shouldn't have stayed when he 1st brought it up because you knew it wasn't gonna be for you. Why choose to deliberately waste your time? P.S. 🤣 my man's s** life is bad enough with one woman, yet he believes he can satisfy several at the same time? Ok

Severe_Magazine_9958 − All the other issues aside if he's definitely sure he wants a open relationship after a year and you are definitely sure you don't then there is no point in continuing the relationship. You can break up with someone for whatever reason you want and you guys are not compatible and that is a perfectly good reason in my opinion. Don't waste your time with someone you know it won't work out with.

JMarie113 − You should never have dated him. He was clear he wants an open relationship. You were never on the same page. Better to end it now. You don't want the same things. 

CapybaraPlushToy − you are not the a**hole! he needs to be understanding, an open relationship is not for everyone! do not let him think he is right or thats its normal. set your boundaries and be strong do not let him gaslight you either.

Longwinded_Ogre − Not unreasonable at all. If you tell someone you're s**ually dissatisfied and they come back with

FrannyFray − I don't get why open ppl date monogamous people. It's a recipe for disaster. Either you start out open or nothing, in my book. You right to stand your ground. Though I would move forward and only connect with those that want the relationship format you desire. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Fast_Ad7203 − Dude 4 months already.. girl just run

SithLordSky − Fake.. I'm convinced anything with the long dash, is AI. Plus the account is new.

ed_lv − NTA You made the best decision possible by leaving him. He's still trying to convince you that your feelings are not legitimate and that they don't matter. It's only been 4 months, just block him and move on. You don't owe him absolutely anything, and any further conversation with him is just a waste of time.

Additional-Map-6256 − Honestly, you should have never been in a relationship with him. He was pretty up front about not wanting an exclusive relationship and you were pretty up front about wanting an exclusive relationship. You two were never going to be compatible.

These takes are fiery, but do they capture the nuance of love’s dealbreakers, or just fan the flames? One thing’s clear: nobody’s neutral on this breakup.

This tale of clashing hearts reminds us that love can’t thrive on compromise alone. The Redditor chose herself over a future of feeling sidelined, but her ex’s outrage leaves a lingering question: was she unfair, or was he unwilling to listen? Relationships demand alignment—where do you draw the line when values don’t match? Share your stories below—what would you do when faced with a partner who wants a different path?

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