AITA for moving to be closer to my grandkids?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a sun-dappled beach town, where waves whisper against the shore and a quaint cottage waits to cradle a grandmother’s retirement dreams. For one mom, the pull of grandkids’ giggles and sandy toes was irresistible—she’s ready to trade her bustling family home for a quieter life near her eldest son’s growing brood. But when she shared her plan, the air turned stormy. Her younger kids, still nesting at home, felt like they’d been tossed overboard, accusing her of picking favorites.

This isn’t just about packing boxes or signing deeds—it’s a tug-of-war between a mom’s longing for new horizons and her kids’ need for stability. Did she jump the gun, or is it time for her to chase her own tide? Let’s unpack her story, straight from Reddit’s lively shores, and see where the waves take us.

‘AITA for moving to be closer to my grandkids?’

I have 3 kids with my ex husband; Elliott (28), Emily (21), and Joseph (19). Emily and Joseph still live at home while they attend the local state university. 3 years Elliott married his high school girlfriend, Madeline (27) and they have 3 beautiful little girls. Sophie (12) is Madeline’s half sister that Madeline and Elliott adopted 3 years ago.

They also have 18 month old twin girls, Charlotte and Penelope and they’re pregnant with their first son. Last year Madeline and Elliott moved from their apartment down the street from me to a house about 3 hours away for Elliott’s job.

I try to visit them at least 2 weekends a month and I just love where they live.  It’s this adorable little quiet beach town.  I’ve been thinking about retiring there since Elliott and Madeline moved down there but I made the decision after I found out Madeline and Elliott are having another baby.

I put in an offer on a little cottage on the beach, a 10 minute walk to Elliott and Madeline’s house. My offer was accepted so I decided to sit Emily and Joseph down to tell them my plan. I told them that I would be selling the house this summer and moving closer to Elliott and Madeline for an early retirement.

I didn’t want them to struggle to find a place to live so I told them I will rent an apartment for them to share for 3 years or until Joseph graduates, whichever comes first. Neither will pay rent or any other expenses besides part of their groceries as long as they’re still in school. I thought Joseph and Emily would be ok with this but they were furious.

Joseph is saying that I’m choosing Elliott and my grandkids over them and Emily is claiming that I’m misusing their child support (their dad agreed to pay until they graduate from college) because I won’t get a “good” apartment (I’m getting them a simple 2 bed 1 bath apartment in good condition close to their school instead of a luxury 2 bed 2 bath with access to pools, a gym, and other nice amenities).

I told her she’s welcome to pay her tuition and living expenses on the $850/month I get from her dad and now she and Joseph won’t speak to me. Elliott is suggesting that I could’ve given them more notice and talked to them about this before I bought the house but I thought 3 months was plenty of time.. AITA for moving to be closer to Elliott, Madeline, and my grandchildren?

Big life changes, like moving towns, can ripple through a family like a stone skipped across a calm bay. This mom’s decision to retire near her grandkids stirred up hurt feelings, showing how even well-meaning plans can misfire without enough talk. Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Open dialogue before major decisions builds trust, especially when adult children are involved.” Here, the mom’s surprise announcement left her younger kids feeling like afterthoughts, despite her offer to fund their rent.

She sees the move as a chance to bond with her grandkids and embrace retirement; her college-aged kids view it as abandonment, sensing favoritism toward their brother. It’s a classic clash—personal freedom versus family duty. Studies show 70% of parents with adult children struggle to balance autonomy with support.

Dr. Heitler suggests “family meetings” to air concerns early, preventing resentment. For this mom, apologizing and discussing options—like flexible visits—could mend bridges. What’s your take on balancing family ties?

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—sharp, candid, and laced with humor. The responses range from accusing the grandmother of sidelining her other children to defending her right to choose her new lifestyle, but a common theme emerges: while many understand her desire to be close to her grandkids, they also stress the importance of including every family member in major decisions.

CoverCharacter8179 − Yeah, this was really poorly handled. Your children are all adults and you unilaterally decided on this move that is going to hugely affect all of their lives, and then sprung it on them as a fait accompli. YTA. And it has to be said: are you sure Elliott and Madeline even want you to move to their new town?

EDIT: OP responded that E & M are active participants in the moving plan. Which I guess talking to 1 of 3 children before making this decision is better than zero, but it doesn't change the verdict for me. Also I think it's kind of messed up that Elliott didn't give his siblings a heads-up. Is anyone else getting

EDIT 2: A lot of people who disagree with me are saying OP is not the AH because a. they're all adults and it's her house so she can do whatever she wants, and/or b. she's still providing an apartment for the two younger children. And yes, legally she can do whatever she wants with the house, and yes, it would be worse if she moved away, cut off all their support and told them they were on their own, which yes, she legally could do because they're adults.

But she remains the AH for the way she handled this. She demonstrated to Joseph and Emily that not only does she not care about their opinions on plans that significantly affect them, she doesn't even think it's necessary to find out whether they have any.

Agnostic_optomist − Gee I wonder why your children who live with you are shocked that you sold the house and are moving three hours away without having mentioned it to them at any point until it was a fait accompli.. You are choosing your eldest and grandkids above them. Maybe not for the first time I imagine.. You sure like burning bridges, but as long as your needs are met, eh?. YTA

ImpossibleReason2204 − Personally I think a lot of conversations with your loved ones *before* making big decisions that will change *their* lives is appropriate. I wouldn't have done it this way. They're adults, you aren't required to care for them, and that's not the point. They would have had more time to adjust if they were in on the conversation. I can't imagine buying a house in a different town and planning a move without talking to my kids about it.. YTA

wildferalfun − Why does Reddit need to tell you YTA when all three of your kids agree your management of the situation was poor? If they all say doing an entire house purchase 3 hours away without discussion is weird, we don't need to weigh in. They told you so. The opinion of internet strangers is useless because we aren't your loved ones. It'll be cold comfort when they feel slighted but you hold dear to some N-T-A verdicts, whispering

mamawheels36 − I’m going to take a guess that what’s made your 2 other kids so mad isn’t the move… it’s that you clearly spent a bunch of time planning something major with one of your kids and never even gave them a heads up. Ya it’s your life, and your $ and house, but if you want your kids to respect and trust you, you have to show them the same respect and trust.

If my parents made a major life decision with only talking to one of my siblings and not all of us I’d be so hurt. It’s shows clear favouritism, and gives the view that their advice, thoughts and worth isn’t as much.. Maybe you didn’t intend it to be that way, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s been perceived.. YTA, and you need to make amends with your 2 kids.

That doesn’t mean give them everything they want, but it does mean actually acknowledging your wrong doing and verbally apologizing… and hopefully you and them can work through hard feelings.. Otherwise they will resent you forever

dncrmom − YTA for not discussing this first with your college aged children. You are also forcing them to live together instead of finding apartments with roommates they want to live with. You should offer them 100% of the child support you are receiving to go towards their room & board.

ktembo − NTA, not sure why you’re getting so much grief. Most kids don’t live at home during college, and you’re not even making them pay for housing. Maybe you could have mentioned that you were thinking of moving earlier, but you’re not required to…. Also why on earth would a 19 yo and 21 yo prefer living with mom to living in a free apartment without mom????. Enjoy the beach cottage and your grandkids.

Few_Throat4510 − Question: if you had discussed this with them prior to purchasing the house closer to Elliot, and they voiced their disagreement, what would you have done?

MinnGranny − Going against the tide here and saying NTA. Your youngest two are in college so they are technically adults. You made more than reasonable accommodations for them by offering to rent them an apartment for the balance of their college years.

They are pissed because you are putting yourself first rather continuing to put them first. I moved several states away when my son was 20. He understood and even helped me move. If your kids don't like the apartment, let them choose one and pay the balance. Your kids sound very spoiled.

pottersquash − YTA. You made a decision that affected everyone, put in an offer so your kinda locked in, and you didn't ask anyone before? A steak served on a trash lid will be disgusting regardless how its cooked. You gotta ease folks in to decisions this large.

In conclusion, this story underscores the delicate dance between personal happiness and familial responsibilities. Though the decision to move closer to one’s grandchildren is filled with the promise of new beginnings, it also brings into focus the significance of balance and open communication. How might you handle a situation where your decision impacts the lives of those you love, even if you ultimately believe it’s for the best? What would you do if you were in similar shoes? Share your thoughts and join the conversation.

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