AITAH for ending it with a guy because he put me before his kid?

New love can feel like a whirlwind, but some choices stop it cold. Picture a cozy apartment, a couple lingering in that giddy, drawn-out goodbye of fresh romance—until a text changes everything. A woman, thrilled by a month of sparks with a charming guy, watches him casually dodge picking up his young son to steal more time with her. Not once, but repeatedly, he sidelines his boy, even lying to his ex about work. Her heart sinks; this isn’t the man she thought.

When she calls it off, he’s stunned, insisting she’s misjudged him. Now, she’s torn: was it too harsh, or a bullet dodged? Readers might feel her unease: how do you trust a partner who bends their priorities so easily? This story dives into the messy clash of love, duty, and dealbreakers, where one choice reveals a deeper truth.

‘AITAH for ending it with a guy because he put me before his kid?’

I (26f) started talking to this guy (30m) about 4 weeks ago. We see each other several times a week and text all day long. We’ve really been hitting it off. He has a 4-year-old son that he has every other weekend AND every Tuesday afternoon into Wednesday morning.

However the last 3 times he was supposed to go pick up his son, something randomly happened where his son’s mom had to keep him longer, and it cut into his time. He used this spare time to hang out with me longer. At first, I thought nothing of it as I know things come up, and I figured maybe he and his ex have a decent coparenting relationship so maybe not everything has to be “by the book.”

After all, he seems like a great guy and speaks highly of his son. This past Tuesday, I was hanging out at his apartment. He was supposed to leave to go pick up his son. I was getting ready to go home and we were both doing that corny thing where we take forever to say goodbye (new relationships, right?).

He told me he wished I could stay, but his ex would kill him if he introduced me to his son so soon without discussing it with her first. I said I understood completely and agreed that it is too soon. Then I went to use the bathroom and when I came out he said, “hey You can stay! I just texted my ex that I got called into work.”

This really caught me off guard and I didn’t like it at all. He shouldn’t be lying and bailing on his son so he could spend time with me. I stayed for a little but then I made up an excuse and said I had to leave anyway. He kept begging me to stay since he changed his plans for me. Finally I said, “I don’t want to come between you and your son.

You should call your ex back and tell her you’re picking him up. So I’m just going to leave.” He swore to me that this was just a one time thing and he son would never know the difference. He was upset that I wasn’t more excited to spend more time with him. I went home and it dawned on me that he is probably a deadbeat dad and I just didn’t see it until now.

This breaks my heart for his poor kid. It sucks because I really really like this guy and we had such a great connection but I can’t be with a man who puts a woman before his child. This actually turned me off so much. I ended it with him this morning and I was very honest about my reasoning. He told me that I have absolutely no clue what I’m talking about.

He was extremely offended that I insulted his fatherhood based on just one incident and he said it is wrong of me to make such assumptions. I think I dodged a bullet but at the same time I’m second guessing myself thinking maybe I overreacted and I should give him a chance? AITAH for this?

Romance can dazzle, but a partner’s choices under pressure reveal their core. This woman’s decision to end a month-long fling came swift when her beau repeatedly skipped time with his four-year-old son to linger with her. His final act—lying to his ex about work to keep her around—flipped a switch. She saw a dad shirking duty, and that was that. He claims she overreacted, but her gut screamed red flag, loud and clear.

The issue’s less about love and more about values. Parenting isn’t a side gig; it’s a promise, especially with limited time like every-other-weekend custody. His casual bail-outs, prioritizing a new flame, signal a shaky sense of responsibility. She’s not wrong to worry—patterns like this often hint at deeper flaws. His defense, dismissing her concerns, only doubles down on the disconnect. Meanwhile, her exit reflects a boundary rooted in respect for his son’s needs. A 2021 study in Family Relations found that inconsistent parenting in co-parenting setups can destabilize kids’ trust.

Dr. Kyle Pruett, a child development expert, notes, “Kids thrive when parents show up consistently—flaking sends a message they’re not enough”. Pruett’s view underscores her fear: a dad who dodges his kid for a date might not step up elsewhere. His “one-time thing” excuse ignores the three prior misses, suggesting habit, not slip-up. Still, his hurt at being called a deadbeat hints he might care but lacks self-awareness—a gap therapy could bridge, not her patience.

What’s next? She’s wise to walk; new love shouldn’t mean excusing dealbreakers. For readers spotting similar flags, Pruett advises watching actions over words: “A parent’s time with their kid is sacred—guard it.” A frank talk might’ve clarified his intent, but his pushback closed that door.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, dropping takes fiercer than a co-parenting clash! Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd, cheering her stand.

Dependent-Tailor-929 − NTA - If you guys ever get serious and have children and then split you would be in that same situation. his kid should ALWAYS come first. its gross that he acted that way. also good on you for breaking up with him when he showed that redflag.

Negative-Bill3792 − Ugh NTA, you made the right call.  You said the last THREE times he was supposed to pick up his son, “something happened” and he was late picking him up? So this was the fourth time?  Not ok. Even three times in a row is not ok. That kid is learning that his dad doesn’t prioritize him and that his dad cannot be relied upon. . Hopefully your ex sees this as a wake up call to do better by his son. 

eevee0000 − NTA! Besides the poor child, it’s seriously disrespectful to the mother. If that’s how he treats the women in his life then you don’t want to be a woman in his life

I_wanna_be_anemone − NTA Guy showed you who he was, someone who’ll lie and abandon a person dependant on him to do whatever he wants with no consideration for their feelings. The fact it was his young child he’s been blowing off is just the top flag above the billowing red flag parade this man is displaying. 

Moemoe5 − This guy has his son roughly 8 days a month and he's trying to shorten even that time. He's a lousy parent and he showed you this firsthand. Lucky for you it's only been a month. NTA

kehlarc − NTA. Every other weekend plus half a day per week is not much time with your 4-yr old. I'd be fighting for more time not making up excuses to get even less. His son is not very present in his life and he seems to be fine with it. I would have felt the same way as you did.

Silent_Syd241 − NTA Finally a woman paying attention to how a man treats the child he already has and realizing he isn’t a good father and leaving instead of thinking he wont do that to her and their child.

SmartNotRude − NTA. I don't think you're overreacting at all. The complete casualness with which he lied to his ex about getting called in to work is a red flag to me. The fact that he's downplaying what he did by saying you have no clue what you're talking about is another. Trust your gut instinct on this and save yourself the headache and heartache.

Willing_Recording222 − Congratulations for seeing this massive red flag! NTA. You did the right thing. That’s exactly what he’s been doing and I’m sure his ex is already onto it too.

Hawaiianstylin808 − With as little time as he has with his son, he should be jumping at the chance to spend time with him.. Good on you for recognizing that.. NTA

These Reddit roars spark a question: can one choice sink a romance for good? Seems kids’ needs trump new sparks in this crowd’s book.

This romance’s crash shows how fast values can clash when kids are in the mix. The woman’s choice—dumping a guy who sidelined his son—puts duty over desire, a call that stings but shines with clarity. His plea for a pass misses the mark; love doesn’t excuse flaking on a child. It’s a gut-check: sometimes, the right move hurts most. How’d you handle a partner’s priorities going off-track—talk it out or walk away? Drop your take below; let’s keep this real talk rolling!

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