AITA: In-Laws are upset with the name we want to use for our son?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The glow of a pregnancy announcement dimmed fast in a family group chat, where a simple name—Owen—lit a fuse. A couple, expecting their third boy, shared their choice with excitement, only to stumble into a minefield of hurt feelings and silent phones. The wife’s playful text about “confusion” opened a door to drama, and her husband’s blunt response slammed it shut. Suddenly, a name became a battleground, with in-laws clutching their pride.

It’s a story that feels like a family reunion gone sideways—smiles fading as egos flare. The couple’s joy curdled into stress, leaving them wondering if their dream name was worth the fight. Readers might sense the sting of missteps piling up, each text and call making things messier. Let’s dive into this Reddit saga, where a name carries more weight than a newborn.

‘AITA: In-Laws are upset with the name we want to use for our son?’

PLEASE help me and my wife out by letting us know who is the a-hole here: My wife and I have two boys and are pregnant with our third boy. My wife's brother and his wife (Let's call them Jack and Jill) have a boy as well. After we announced to the family that we were expecting, the two sister-in-laws asked my wife if we had a name in mind via text message.

This is where things get weird IMO. My wife was like

Neither sister-in-law replied. THE REASON it might cause confusion is because on Jill's side of the family (Unrelated to us), they have a nephew named Owen. Note, we have never met this kid, and our families don't cross paths like that.

Jack and Jill are upset and went to my wife's parents before talking to us, telling my wife's parents that they are annoyed and don't want us to name our son Owen because in their mind,

We heard from my wife's mom that Jill was going to talk to my wife and discuss this. Me, being the husband, figured I would just call Jack (my wife's brother) and nip this in the bud. Especially cause my wife was super stressed/discouraged that the name was already causing tension.

He couldn't talk until that night so I just sent him this text: * **

My wife was super excited to announce the baby and the name. And now she’s stressed and there’s unnecessary tension. \[my wife\] shouldn’t have to justify/defend naming her own child.**  **I know they’re gonna have a call but there isn’t room for discussion on it. If we want to name our child whatever name, it’s ours to make. I hate to add to the tension but you guys put us in this situation and it really sucks.

** Well that sent off an explosion. They're super hurt by the text, saying how agressive I was. I have already apologized to them for the text and said

Naming a baby shouldn’t feel like defusing a bomb, but this couple’s clash shows how fast things escalate. The wife’s “don’t kill us” quip invited trouble, and the husband’s fiery text poured gas on it. The in-laws’ claim to “one Owen” seems petty, but it’s rooted in a fear of blurred family lines. Everyone’s digging in, turning a name into a power struggle.

Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “Communication is the greatest single factor affecting relationships” (Peoplemaking, 1972). Here, it’s the missing link—joking texts and bold ultimatums drowned out real talk. A 2021 Journal of Family Issues study notes 65% of family conflicts stem from poor communication, especially around milestones like births (journals.sagepub.com). The couple could’ve clarified their choice calmly; the in-laws could’ve voiced concerns without rallying allies.

Both sides have valid feelings—the couple’s right to name their child, the in-laws’ worry about identity mix-ups. A fix? A heart-to-heart, not a text war. They could explain Owen’s meaning to them, while hearing Jill’s fears.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got a knack for tossing truth bombs like confetti, and this name game brought out some zingers. Here’s what the community chimed in with—sharp, sassy, and straight-up:

WombatBeans − NTA now and won't be if you name your kid Owen.

Jesus they need to get a grip. Unless your wife is growing a literal clone of other Owen (and even then because your Owen will be younger...) I think their kid will be able to keep them straight. I have identical twin cousins, and my kid at 18 months could tell them apart. Kids aren't stupid.

There's this magical thing called context clues,

This is sort of why I'm against telling people what you're thinking for a name ahead of time, it gives them room to believe they have a say. The ONLY issue is that your wife flung open that door for her sisters to make drama

A lot of the sames are close in age, spent time regularly together growing up, and it was literally never an issue. ETA: If you want to commit a tiny bit of AH behavior, say you've seen the error of your ways and have decided to name the baby Jack after BIL, BIL will be henceforth known as Old Jack to avoid confusion. Confused 1yr old calls Old Jack Dad, so no confusion there. Okay...DON'T but it would be a little funny.

HandBananasRevenge − NTA and personally, I don’t see anything wrong with your message. People who are being over the top inappropriate with an insane demand like the one being made here, don’t deserve to be treated with kid gloves. . The only mistake you made was apologizing for the message. Now they are doing the silent treatment as a way to get you “back in line” which is usually a tell in and of itself that this is nothing more than a power play on their part. 

lihzee − NTA.. There's only one Owen in their lives.. This is asinine.

Fresh_Caramel8148 − NTA. LOL that they think there will only be 1 Owen in their kids life.. But here's the thing - A- I would actually have recommended not telling names AT ALL. It's a LOT harder to be pissed about a name when it's actually applied to a child that has been born! B - I think your wife saying something to Jill about

That specific sentence let's Jill think she SHOULD have a reaction, she's allowed to be pissed, she's allowed to voice an opinion. C - while their reaction and expectations are wildly out of line, I do find your texts to be pretty aggressive too. Honestly, at this point, just stop. Don't have a phone call with them!

This is giving their opinion WAY TOO MUCH WEIGHT. At this point, you're almost asking them for permission to use it/ forgiveness for using it. But in the future, learn from this! If not about kids names - be careful about ANY thing that might elicit opinions/reactions from people. Be careful about how you share information.

Substantial_Run3855 − NTA.  Princess SIL can take seat.  No one owns a name. And is extremely common to have more than one Owen or  whatever in a family.  What if a sibling fell in love with an Owen ?  Sorry sis, you can’t marry him.  No duplicate names allowed!  What a control freak 

Formal_Cap_1324 − NTA - God forbid there is another Owen in the world! How sensitive their child must be, if they will be confused by another Owen in their world. my son had 9 kids with the same first name as his in his class, one was even a female! None of them were traumatized, and in fact they started the 9 kids club. LOL

excel_pager_420 − I'm sorry but YTA purely because reading this post, it sounds like you and your wife have caused all this drama. 1.) Your wife,

And why would it be an issue? Is the name significant to Jill's family in some way you're aware of but not sharing in the post? 2.) Your wife told you that when she was chatting with her Mum, her Mum said Jill would be in touch to talk about the name because she's not happy or uncomfortable or whatever.

In response you message Jack very aggressive message telling him neither you or your wife care about Jack or Jill's opinion. If that's true then why did your wife say,

3.) Why are you fuelling your wife's overreaction to noone praising the name in the group chat? It's more likely that as you're on your 3rd kid, no one cares that much. Sorry but it's true, you never get that 1st pregnancy investment from your support system repeated. So when family saw you were using a name you anticipated causing issues with Jill, (

Friendly-Log6415 − NTA plenty of people have relatives with the same name. Hell, lots of folks have people in their family named after other members of the family

yeahipostedthat − ESH. Your text was a bit too aggressive. Like if you removed the last sentence from each of them it would have firmly set boundaries without being too hostile.. Ywnbta if you stick with the name.

Kami_Sang − YTA - don't you think your wife started it with the language

You can name your kid Owen - nta for that. Also, you do realise they are your wife's brother, SIL and Mom. Wtf are you being so involved? In my view, you and your wife knew this could be a problem, chose the name anyway (ok), wife communicated it in a s**tty manner and then you behaved like a complete j**kass in your text. Jill is entitled to talk to her MIL and your wife (her SIL) about it.

Maybe your wife shouldn't have called out Jill if she didn't want to deal with the consequence. Also, as a woman f**k off with as her husband you would call the other husband and nip it in the bud. Why? Because men dictate to women? Jill's feelings are valid even if you are entitled to name your child what you like.. You and her husband don't get to nip anything in the bud. To me you come across as misogynistic.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they solve the puzzle or just add more pieces?

This tale leaves us pondering: when does a name stop being just a word and start being a wedge? The couple’s choice of Owen kicked up dust, but the real storm came from how everyone handled it—or didn’t. Families are like recipes—one wrong ingredient can sour the dish. What would you do if a name you loved sparked a feud? Drop your thoughts below—let’s stir up some clarity together.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *