AITA For Drawing a Hard Line at My Dad’s Wedding, Rejecting the Unity Ceremony?

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In the midst of planning a wedding that aims to celebrate not just love but an entire blended family, tensions are running high. A young man on the cusp of adulthood has found himself in a deeply conflicted position as he watches his father redefine their relationship. The anticipation and joy of a wedding quickly give way to an undercurrent of unresolved feelings and the painful reality of shifting family dynamics.

The atmosphere is charged with the weight of past neglect and present expectations. With his 18th birthday on the horizon, this teen finds clarity in his boundaries—refusing to be molded into a role he never agreed to. His ultimatum to his father is both a stand for self-respect and a cry for recognition of his long-ignored emotional needs.

‘AITA For Drawing a Hard Line at My Dad’s Wedding, Rejecting the Unity Ceremony?’

My dad's engaged to his partner of 2ish years. They moved in together last month and their wedding is in December. I (17m) am dad's only bio kid. His almost wife has 3 kids of her own. Her kids are younger like under 10, maybe they're even all under 8 I'm not that sure.

They decided they want to do a family unity ceremony and have it be about becoming one family instead of the two of them being a married couple. His future stepkids are excited by the idea and want to take part. I don't and won't take part. I already explained to him that I'm not interested and can't be talked into it.

He asked me why and pushed for me to reconsider. He told his wife and she's freaking out because her kids have this idea that they'll get a big brother out of this marriage and my dad and her told the kids we'll be real siblings once the two of them are married. All of this despite the fact I really don't know her or her kids.

I have really only spent any real time with the kids twice and it was more me trying not to be a d**k than me wanting to spend time or get to know them. I think that and I think that's obvious because I don't know their actual ages. Some background to explain some relationship dynamics because I'm sure there are questions. My dad raised me alone.

My mom took off when I was less than a year old. I don't remember her. I don't remember her being around. Her family wasn't around or in my life either. I didn't have a lot of family besides my dad growing up. Except for one of his siblings. And for most of my life dad was a good dad.

But when I was maybe 11 he started preparing me for the fact he wanted his own life and travel the world when I turned 18 and I'd be on my own. He talked about how I should not expect to see him very often and to expect we might not see each other for years sometimes and how he doesn't want to be tied down until he dies.

That he would call or answer calls when he wasn't busy with life. He said some stuff that made me believe he resented the fact he raised me alone and had to change his life for me. He never actually let up on that. He talked about it so much that we started to fight and I told him I got it and he was done being a dad at 18 and he told me I was being dramatic.

I argued that he told me I could go five or maybe even more years without seeing him and he didn't want to be tied down. That he might even ignore calls so he could

When we argued about it other times he said that he wanted the life he missed out on and he wasn't waiting around for me to be ready. That I'd land on my feet eventually and I wouldn't be his kid anymore I'd be his peer. Which he then said I picked up wrong.. But basically for years I have been prepared to leave at 18 and not have my dad in it.

Then he met his almost wife and all that talk about traveling the world was gone. He started to become a dad to her kids. He was spending time with them and building a life with them. Eventually he tried to include me but that was only really in the last four or five months. But I've ignored it. I did babysit twice for them.

Once when his almost wife was rushed to hospital and the second time when his almost wife had a follow up surgery for health issues she has. My dad has tried to argue that our family is growing and I should be trying harder to be included in it. I told him that won't happen.

And if he wants whatever half assed relationship he planned to have with me before then he needs to accept that. That I'll come to his wedding if he wants me there as long as he accepts I won't be a part of that ceremony and if he can't accept it then I won't go and he'll need to accept that.

His almost wife heard us talk it out and she said I'm not taking the 11 good years into it and I'm punishing her children for my dad not being perfect and that isn't fair to them. She told me a good person would be glad dad decided to stick around and love the new people, especially the kids, and want better for them.. AITA? And for full disclosure I have about a month to go until I'm 18 and my plan is to move out that day.

Letting tradition and family bonding ceremonies dictate personal boundaries can be extremely challenging, especially when the roles within a family undergo rapid transformation. In this case, the pressure of a family unity ceremony presents the teen with a dilemma—being forced to embrace relationships he’s not prepared for while dealing with years of emotional distance from his dad. His refusal underscores a need to preserve his individuality amidst shifting family dynamics.

The core of the issue lies in the redefinition of relationships. For years, the teen experienced his father’s absence and ambiguous commitments, where promises of a distant future were casually thrown around. Now, facing an imminent wedding that forces him into a premature sibling role with stepchildren he barely knows, he sees this as a betrayal of his personal history and emotional identity—a move that feels less like inclusion and more like obligation.

Setting boundaries in such emotionally charged situations is never easy. The teen’s resolute stand highlights not only past neglect but also the pressure to conform to a sudden family image without proper discussion or consent. In the midst of his father’s renewed interest in family unity, these boundaries feel especially raw. It is a reminder that emotional wounds from years of neglect are not easily healed by superficial gestures of inclusion.

According to Dr. Susan Forward, a clinical psychologist and expert on family dynamics, “It is critical for adolescents to set clear boundaries with parents who attempt to redefine their roles without addressing longstanding emotional needs; doing so prevents deep-seated resentment from growing further.” Her insight emphasizes that unresolved past hurts, when mixed with sudden changes in family structure, can lead to a sense of abandonment and betrayal.

The way forward, as many experts suggest, lies in fostering honest communication. Both sides of the family can benefit from discussions where each member’s emotions and expectations are validated. For the teen, asserting his boundaries is a necessary part of his journey toward independence. For his father, understanding these feelings might pave the way to a more respectful, empathetic relationship. Encouraging professional counseling or family therapy could help bridge the emotional gap and lay a healthier foundation for future relationships.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Here are some candid hot takes from the Reddit community – equal parts humorous and heartfelt. The responses range from unwavering support for the teen’s right to set boundaries to scathing critiques of the father’s shifting priorities. Many believe that an adolescent’s feelings, especially when shaped by years of neglect, are valid and that no one should be forced into a familial role without mutual consent.

Ok_Childhood_9774 − NTAH. Your dad set the parameters of your relationship when you were still young and drummed them into your head. Now that his priorities have changed, he acts surprised that you are not interested in a different relationship. Go live your life.

SonOfSchrute − NTA. Your father is a monster, and if his new wife doesn’t think so after hearing what he proposed as a ‘relationship’ with you prior to her arrival, then she’s a monster too.. Leave these emotional grifters in your dust young man.

Both-Protection-1246 − Well....You've already been told you're

SuddenlyPineapple1 − A good person wouldn’t guilt trip a minor that went through years of emotional abuse by their father just so they can play happy family at a wedding. NTA. both of them sound like selfish people who don’t really care about how your fathers behavior affected you. Nor do they care to actively fix it in a real way. Just grin and bear it right? It’s not a big deal right? Grow up right?

Sad thing is that you’ve had to grow up since you were 11. Sad thing is that your father only wanted to continue being a dad when he got with someone who happened to have children. Sad thing is that his mindset only changed after getting laid, not for his actual child he actively hurt for YEARS.. OP I’d stick to your guns. It’s not like either of them apologized either. Big red flag.

Cute-Profession9983 − Ask this woman why her kids were worth sticking around for and

FitOrFat-1999 −

plantprinses − Honey, absolutely NTA. Your father and his gf decided to get married; that's their choice. You didn't have any say in that, which means that they don't have the right to want you to become part of their shared family-view if you don't want to.

You are not punishing any children: your father and his intended did that themselves by promising these kids a big brother without your consent and knowledge. It's their mistake and therefore they should correct it themselves. You don't owe them anything. Don't believe this crap about being 'a good person

They were the ones who made promises they are not going to be able to keep because they made them without asking you first. They just assumed you to tag along with whatever they want. That time is gone. Your father is reaping now what he sowed and he regrets it. That's on him, not you. Go, move out, live your own life.

BeachinLife1 − NTA. I wouldn't even go to the wedding and I'd probably go NC with him at 18. Tell him you might answer his calls if you are not too busy living your life, but he needs to be prepared to live his life without you. He is only even doing this because it's what his wife to be wants.

He doesn't care any more about you than he did when he dissasociated from you at age 11! He is just trying to keep his new lay happy, and possibly install you as their live in babysitter. Hell with that. Keep your plans and get out on your 18th birthday.

Far-Artichoke5849 − Go to the wedding and give a speech about how your dad raised you, with lots of details about him wanting to live his life without a kid

gringaellie − NTA your dad can't spend years pushing you away and then suddenly expect you to want him back with open arms because he's decided some woman and her kids are worth sticking around for when you weren't.

In conclusion, the dilemma faced by this young man serves as a poignant reminder that family is not only about shared blood but also about understanding and respecting individual boundaries. His ultimatum—to either attend the wedding on his terms or not at all—is a stand for self-respect and honest communication. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar predicament? Share your thoughts, personal experiences, and advice. Let’s start a conversation about balancing familial obligations with personal identity.

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