AITA for telling my friend her daughter will not be going to her house without a court order?

In a cozy living room, a woman clutches her phone, her heart pounding as she learns her young ward, Emma, is rushing to the hospital—again. The culprit? A mother’s careless baking with almond flour, ignoring Emma’s deadly nut allergy. As the guardian of this 8-year-old girl, she’s faced with a gut-wrenching choice: trust a friend’s promises or protect a child who’s already endured too much loss. The air feels thick with betrayal and worry.

Emma’s world has crumbled this year—divorce, abandonment, grief, and now this. Readers might feel the guardian’s fury or question if she’s too harsh cutting off unsupervised visits. It’s a story of love clashing with responsibility, where one wrong move could cost everything. How far would you go to keep a child safe? Let’s unravel this heartbreaking dilemma together.

‘AITA for telling my friend her daughter will not be going to her house without a court order?’

I am my best friend's 8 year old daughter's (Emma) legal guardian. All of this was done through the courts. Emma's had a tough year. Her parents split up, her stepdad (who's been in her life since she was 6 months old) left with her siblings and said he doesn't want anything to do with her, her best friend died, her grandma died, and she went to the hospital 4 times/2 surgeries.

Emma is also severely allergic to nuts. The nuts have been the cause of 2 of her hospital stays. There is no set visitation schedule. I let Emma see her mom whenever she wants, usually we have her over for dinner because my house is on her way home from work and it means she can tuck Emma in at night.

My friend recently got visitations with her other kids so I've been bringing Emma over so she could see her siblings. Normally I stay to help out but I had to work last weekend so I stayed for maybe a half hour and arranged for the babysitter to pick her up after a few hours. The babysitter called me when she picked Emma up to let me know they were on the way to the hospital.

Emma was covered in hives and seemed like she was having trouble breathing. I called her mom on the way to the hospital and she told me that they were baking with almond flour, and while she gave Emma something else to do the flour still got on her and she had a reaction. She insisted it was fine though because she gave Emma her epipen.

I hung up on her, called the babysitter to tell her Emma had been in contact with nuts over an hour before and had already used her epipen, and met them at the hospital. We stayed in the hospital for a couple days and her mom didn't even seem apologetic when she came to visit, she just swore that she didn't think that would happen.

I asked why she'd even have nuts at the house if her kid is allergic and she said her younger kids really wanted to make macarons and she can't put one kids needs over the other. She didn't think it was a big deal to have nuts in the house because Emma doesn't even live there. I told her that was it. Emma will not step foot in her house again without a court order.

She left after that but she hasn't stopped texting me to tell me to reconsider and that I'm harming her recovery by keeping Emma away from her. She is still allowed to come over and meet us at the park but I can't trust her unsupervised with Emma or that her house will be safe. AITA for saying Emma will not step foot into that house without a court order.

Child safety disputes like this one sting with raw emotion. The guardian’s decision to bar Emma from her mother’s home stems from a near-fatal oversight—almond flour in a house hosting a severely allergic child. The mother’s dismissal of the incident as “no big deal” clashes with the guardian’s duty to prioritize Emma’s life. It’s a classic case of trust eroding under negligence, leaving both sides entrenched.

This reflects a larger issue: managing allergies in shared parenting. The CDC notes that 1 in 13 U.S. children has a food allergy, with hospitalizations rising 20% in recent years (cdc.gov). The mother’s choice to prioritize her other kids’ baking over Emma’s safety ignores this reality. Her “one child’s needs” excuse sidesteps the fact that allergies aren’t negotiable—they’re life-or-death.

Dr. Scott Sicherer, a leading allergist, says, “Caregivers must eliminate allergens entirely from environments where allergic children spend time” (foodallergy.org). His advice underscores the guardian’s stance: a nut-free home for Emma isn’t optional. The mother’s casual attitude risks repeat incidents, justifying strict boundaries. Still, her recovery claims tug at empathy—should feelings ever outweigh safety?

For solutions, the guardian could formalize visitation rules through court mediation, ensuring nut-free settings. Supervised visits at neutral locations, like parks, maintain Emma’s bond with her mom safely. Therapy for Emma could help her process this trauma, too.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one—grab some popcorn for these fiery takes! Here’s what users had to say:

Tundra-Queen8812 − NTAH, please continue to protect Emma and put her needs first. Obviously her egg donor does not, Emma is not a toy to be picked up when she feels like it.

dncrmom − Oh please, you are harming her recovery is bs. She physically hurt her daughter requiring a multi day hospital stay because her other damn kids wanted macaroons?? WTF is wrong with her? NTA

thepatriot74 − NTA, but consider also stopping these last minute visits of hers to your home. That child needs a safe space and an established routine not an in-and-out, flippantly neglectful mother. Get her to see a child psychologist if needed, and maybe talk to one yourself. This is not a healthy mother-daughter relationship from what you described here.

pigandpom − She left after that but she hasn't stopped texting me to tell me to reconsider and that I'm harming her recovery by keeping Emma away from her.. Her recovery is not your primary responsibility, Emma's safety is.

She has chosen to ignore an allery so severe that an epipen is required for the slightest contact. It's not about wants, it's about needs, Emma needs to not come into contact with her allergens, her mother ignored that. I asked why she'd even have nuts at the house if her kid is allergic,

and she said her younger kids really wanted to make macarons and she can't put one kids needs over the other. She didn't think it was a big deal to have nuts in the house because Emma doesn't even live there.. NTA for doing the very thing Emma needs from you, protecting her

Spiritual_Blue1819 − Emma’s safety is your number one priority. Her mother’s feelings and recovery means nothing if she’s not going to take her own daughter’s allergies seriously. Making macrons is not a *need* keeping your daughter from dying is. And she doesn’t seem to realize that. No. Keep Emma away.

EldestPort − she said her younger kids really wanted to make macarons and she can't put one kids needs over the other.. F**king hell, I feel like deadly anaphylaxis creates an exception to this general rule

New_Day684 − Nta this needs to be reported to the courts too.  See is putting the fun wants of her other kids over the life of Emma. 

Mother_Search3350 − NTAH.. A child's life is at stake and the courts have placed her in your care with the belief that you are going to be that person who will be able to keep her safe.

You are legally obliged to keep that child away from that woman that's why the courts made you her legal guardian. She is deemed unsafe in her mother's care. . OP you also need to take some responsibility for that almond flour c**astrophe. You left Emma unattended and unsupervised with a mother that the courts removed from her care and she ended up spending days in hospital. 

Lucky-Guess8786 − That is now three times Emma has gone to hospital because of her mother's n**lect. That is both child abuse and child endangerment. She is lucky you are not cancelling visitation altogether. Please, continue to protect Emma. And make sure she understands that none of this is her fault. Sometimes life just sucks and she is going through a bad patch. You are a wonderful caregiver for giving up so much to protect this child from her own mother. Sheesh. NTA

justmeandmycoop − Make sure the cops and the courts know she is willingly try to kill this kid.

These opinions are loud and clear, but do they miss the nuance of a mother’s struggle? Life’s rarely that black-and-white.

This guardian’s fight is about more than one scary hospital trip—it’s about shielding a vulnerable girl from harm while navigating a friend’s flaws. Emma deserves safety, but cutting off her mom’s home sparks tough questions about family and forgiveness. Is the guardian right to draw such a hard line, or could there be room for compromise? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation going.

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