AITA for letting my grandparents throw my dead dad in my mom’s face?

The scent of old books and faded cologne lingers in a box of keepsakes, each item a whisper from a father gone too soon. For 17-year-old “Evan,” these relics of his dad, who died six years ago, are sacred—until his mother hands them out like party favors to her new kids. Her claim? They’re “family in spirit.” Evan’s heart sinks, and his sister bolts from college to rescue their share, leaving a trail of hurt. When their grandparents unleash their fury, Evan’s caught in the crossfire.

Evan’s Reddit post is a raw cry from a teen guarding his father’s memory. His mom’s demanding an apology for “letting” her be called out, but Evan’s standing firm. Was he wrong to let the truth spill, or is his mom rewriting a legacy that’s not hers to touch? Let’s unpack this family storm.

‘AITA for letting my grandparents throw my dead dad in my mom’s face?’

My dad died 6 years ago. I (17m) was 11. My mom started dating a year later and she met husband #2 within a few months. He was a single dad with a 4 year old son at the time and because he wanted his son to have a mom they moved fast and got married within a year and my mom was pregnant a few months later.

My mom has two bio kids with her husband now and she calls her stepson her son and he calls her mom. I don't know why but a few weeks ago my mom made this big deal out of giving each of the other kids something that had been my dad's. It was nothing huge but I didn't like it and told mom she shouldn't give dad's stuff away like that and it should be just for his family.

Mom told me they were his family in spirit and I said that was b**lshit. She told me me and my sister (19f) will get most of it and why would I hate my younger siblings getting something. I said they're not dad's kids and why would anyone think it was normal. She told me I was overreacting and she said they're stuff anyone could own.

I said it wasn't the point. Those were dad's things. I said dad didn't know them and did she ever think it would feel gross to give the kids who only exist or exist in our lives because he's gone some of his stuff. She told me to never speak like that and I told her it's true. Two wouldn't be born and one would be a stranger still if dad hadn't died. Mom punished me for saying that.

My sister was so mad when she found out that she came home from college just to pack up her share of dad's stuff and she told mom not to speak to her. Mom told her she was being unreasonable and to try and understand what she was doing. My sister told her she was so weird and it showed what she thought of us when she did it without finding out if we'd be okay with it.

We both told our dad's parents about it. They were shocked and they assumed we'd picked mom up wrong. So they came and asked mom if it was true and she said yes. She said it was only small stuff but they're all her kids and dad is still one of her husbands and her husband was cool with it because they weren't sentimental things.

Grandma grew more upset because one of the things mom gave away was a stuffy grandma's mom bought dad before she died. Dad was only just born at the time. So it meant a lot to grandma. She told mom she had always wanted it left in the family and that mom had always said me and my sister would get our choice of stuff and then them before anything else was disposed of or given away.

She said she had refused to let us do it until now and yet she'd give them away anyway. Mom said they stayed in the family and my grandparents exploded. They told her that my dad would be disgusted with what she did and they hoped she liked disrespecting her first husband and the kids she had with him because that's exactly what she did. Then they called mom a liar and said it was awfully convenient that she pulled a stunt like this.

My mom got upset and she told them to leave. She told them throwing dad in her face like that was uncalled for.  When they were gone she turned to me and asked me how I could let them do that to her. I told her they weren't wrong in my opinion and if I could ignore her like my sister is right now I would.. My mom demanded an apology a few days ago for letting it happen. AITA?

Family heirlooms can feel like anchors to the past, and Evan’s fight to protect his dad’s belongings hits deep. His mom’s decision to share them with her new children—without asking—stirred more than just anger; it reopened wounds. Let’s break it down.

Evan’s objection isn’t about objects; it’s about identity. His dad’s stuff ties him to a man his step-siblings never knew. Grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “When keepsakes are mishandled, it can feel like losing the loved one again” (Center for Loss, 2022). Evan’s mom bypassed his and his sister’s feelings, assuming her new family’s claim matched theirs. That stuffed animal, a gift from his great-grandmother, wasn’t just “small stuff”—it was a family promise broken.

This mirrors a broader issue: blended families often stumble over past legacies. Studies show 40% of stepfamilies face tension over inheritance or sentimental items (Stepfamily Foundation, 2023). Evan’s mom may have meant unity, but her secrecy screamed disregard. His grandparents’ outburst, while harsh, voiced a shared betrayal.

Evan could try, “I felt erased when you gave Dad’s things away—can we talk about what’s left?” This invites healing without blame. Therapy might help them navigate grief’s long shadow.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s like a family reunion with no filter—everyone’s got a hot take. Here’s what they dished out for Evan:

lmmontes − NTA. Your dads things should only go to his family. Not her new one.

Ok_Wedding6759 − NTA, while yes they can be considered your family if you want to see them as that but they are not your father's family. She has no right to give anything away without letting you or your sister know.

Agoraphobe961 − NTA. Can you sneak the stuff she gave the kids away to your sister or grandparents?

professionaldrama- − Soooo… I would demand them to give me something that belong to their mother since they got my dad’s stuff at a family dinner.. NTA 

leftytrash161 − NTA. Tell her she'll get her apology when you get your fathers belongings back. Don't actually give her one though, even if she does get them back to you. She doesn't deserve it. Can you move in with your grandparents?

judgingA-holes − NTA - They are her family, they are your family. They are not your father's family. The items should have went to you and your sister to chose what you wanted, and then to the grandparent's and any siblings he had, if anything was left over she could do what she pleased with them.

And additionally, she's an even bigger a**hole for deeming what she thinks is sentimental and isn't. Just because it's not sentimental to her doesn't mean it isn't to you guys, his parents, or his siblings.

MaARriiiiAa − I thought you should stop talking to your mother and ignore her until she understands that she will lose 2 children if she continues like this! Sometimes the best solution for a person to understand is to completely ignore it and act as if it doesn't exist!. Tried to take out your father's things!

wlfwrtr − NTA Ask grandparents to come over and help you get the rest of dad's things out of the house when mom is gone, including the stuffy. You may have to stay but your dad's belongings don't since they should be yours you should do what you want with them.

If she gives anything else away say,

Professional-Mess-84 − NTA Your mom is crazy not to understand that none of those people are related to your dad. Telling his parents was the right thing to do. His belongings should have been offered to you and your sister and then his parents before being given away.

It makes no sense to say they were

TootsNYC − She told me I was overreacting and she said they're stuff anyone could own. I said it wasn't the point. Those were dad's things. . Um, if they were things anyone could own, then why did she want to give them to those kids?. Answer: she wanted to give them because they WERE your dad's.. also:

her husband was cool with it because they weren't sentimental things. Grandma grew more upset because one of the things mom gave away was a stuffy grandma's mom bought dad before she died. Dad was only just born at the time. 

If they weren't sentimental things, then why was she giving them away as if they were? (Also, she is lying and wrong). NTA. And,

These opinions pack a punch, but do they see Evan’s pain or just swing at his mom?

Evan’s story is a tug-of-war between grief and new ties, where a mother’s misstep cut deeper than she knew. His dad’s belongings weren’t just things—they were his anchor. Letting his grandparents speak wasn’t betrayal; it was loyalty to a memory his mom seemed ready to reassign. Can they mend this with honesty, or is the rift too wide? If you faced a family choice that stung like this, how’d you handle it? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep the heart-to-heart going.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *