AITA for cancelling my wedding after my fiance insisted we split all finances?

Jonathan Hours
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In a twist that turns what should be a joyous celebration into a battleground of numbers, a same-gender couple finds love clashing with financial expectations. The narrative begins with a tender proposal and dreamy plans for a future together, only to encounter a surprising obstacle—unequal pay scales and rigid financial ideals. The tension emerges as a crucial part of their evolving relationship, setting the stage for conflict that neither anticipated nor desired.

The scene is set with contrasting emotions: euphoria transforms into dismay as personal finances collide with ideals of fairness. In a bid to safeguard his financial well-being, one partner challenges the traditional notion of a fixed split, unveiling a deeper rift. The atmosphere is charged with disappointment and a sense of betrayal as loved ones’ opinions further complicate an already fragile situation.

‘AITA for cancelling my wedding after my fiance insisted we split all finances?’

I (28M) and my fiance (30M) have both been dating for around two years. Coming from a culture that didn't approve of same s** unions, I never envisioned myself marrying and starting a family, So I was ecstatic when my fiance proposed to me a few months ago. However, post his proposal, our relationship dynamics changed quickly in a lot of aspects, one such aspect being finances.

Previously, we would both pay alternatively on dates etc. There would be days when he would pay and spoil me, and there would be days where I would pay and treat him. This was never something that we talked about but we were both comfortable with this arrangement and it never caused any issues.

However, after the proposal, we started talking about buying a house, moving in together and starting a family. During this conversation, he made it clear that he wants all finances going into the joint account to be split evenly. Now this would ordinarily not be a point of concern for me, if it weren't for the fact that our pay grades varied significantly.

I am not comfortable sharing our real salaries, so I am going to give hypothetical numbers to explain the situation. For example, lets say I make around 5000 a month but he makes 20k, that's quite a significant difference of pay grades. With the 50-50 proposal he made, if I were to contribute 2k a month (for example) to our joint account, thats 40% of my income.

Whereas for him, the 2k is just 10% of his income. I told him that this is not fair, and will put a burden on my personal income and savings. Its not an equal division if the amount is the same for both of us, as I will clearly be losing a bigger chunk of my salary. I told him that for it to be equitable, either I too should be allowed to contribute 10% of my salary i.e; 500.

Or he should also contribute 40% of his salary = 8000. He said that this is crazy, that I am being unfair, unreasonable and weird by trying to make him pay more into our joint account. We tried speaking over it multiple times, but it always ended up in an argument. His friends and family too went nuts when they got to know of this.

They called me many things, including a gold digger and accused me of trying to freeload off of him. I am aware that our pay grades and lifestyles are different, but it was never really a problem up until now and we loved each other regardless. But now I am starting to feel like his friends and family who are all well off has always looked down on me and its all coming out now.

My fiance has not budged either and in every conversation we try to have he has made it clear he reflects the sentiments of his friends and family, and believes I am trying to get away with contributing less to our lives together to live off of him.

These accusations and endless arguments have been extremely hurtful to me so I ultimately decided to call off our wedding, as I don't intend to live with someone who looks down on me and buys into the narrative of his closed ones when they called me a literal leech. I don't really think I was being unreasonable when I said that dividing by a certain percentage makes more sense than keeping a fixed amount, given the drastic difference in our earnings. AITA?

Letting financial expectations intrude on emotional commitments can feel like an unexpected storm on an otherwise sunny day. The dispute over dividing finances equally versus proportionally has long troubled many couples. In relationships where incomes vary drastically, the notion of fairness becomes as subjective as personal values, eventually undermining trust.

In this case, the OP’s struggle centers on a fixed 50/50 split despite an uneven income distribution. With one partner earning significantly more than the other, it is clear that a flat-rate approach creates an unsustainable burden. This disagreement, fueled by external pressures from friends and family, underscores how personal financial dynamics can derail shared dreams of a life together, even when love is sincere.

Broader reflections reveal that financial compatibility remains a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Studies show that couples who negotiate budgets and plan expenses in line with their incomes tend to experience less conflict. More than a mere number crunch, this case reflects the broader societal debate on financial fairness, urging partners to discuss, plan, and compromise before minor issues metamorphose into dealbreakers.

According to personal finance journalist Jean Chatzky, “Couples who plan their money together build a strong foundation that minimizes conflict.” This insight highlights that communication and tailored planning are essential. By aligning contributions with actual income percentages instead of rigid splits, couples can foster trust and ensure mutual respect. The expert perspective offers a realistic approach that prevents minor disparities from escalating into major relational fissures.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. The original comments reflect a diverse range of opinions from roommates advocating for shared expenses to cautionary tales about financial red flags. The discussions vary from practical advice about budget management to sharp critiques of involving friends and family in private financial matters.

Artistic-Tough-7764 − Roommates split expenses evenly. Partners work out how to have a great life by sharing. You choose

Silent-Language-2217 − Why were their friends and family part of the conversation that’s a private matter? ETA: it’s not anything issue if a person seeks counsel or vents with a trusted confidante… I am married but have a few family members or friends I trust I can talk to confidentially about things on my mind. That’s not what seems to be happening here… my issue is that OP’s SO appears to be talking to his entire friend and family group about this issue and they’re all piling on.

calacmack − The issue shouldn't be the joint account, but rather how the money is budgeted. For example, the cost of a home purchase would need to be based upon what you could equally contribute. If he wanted to spend more on a mortgage than what you could afford, then any additional expense should be his responsibility.

Maria_Dragon − Finances are a major source of incompatibility. Here is my take: is he willing to live a simpler lifestyle based on what you can afford 50% of? If so, figure out what your monthly share is and you each put that in a joint account. Extra money is kept separate. If he insists on living a higher end lifestyle but wants you to split it evenly, that is an incompatibility you cannot overcome.

Fire_or_water_kai − NTA First, how you two decide to run your household's money is a private conversation for both of you and maybe a financial planner or lawyer. Him involving his friends and family is a huge red flag, and I'm sure they've talked about you in this capacity before. Dividing financial responsibility by ability seems logical.

What he proposed wasn't really a partnership if the disparity is that wide. My spouse and I have a big difference in take-home pay, but we divide bills accordingly. You're right to walk away. He wasn't willing to even meet you halfway, and obviously cares what other people think over his relationship with you.

mebg1956 − What can I tell you. I’ve been married 37 years. Our money goes into one bucket, that pays for our shared life.

alwayssatinmycar − NTA - neither of you are right or wrong about how to split finances, but you’re not aligned on this and it’s a dealbreaker. Be glad you realised before you got married.

LittleItalianLady − NTA....but for me....this is an issue....his family is on his side.....he hasn't budged......this difference in pay scale will always be in issue......is this OK with you?? Because I can guatentee within 5 years of marriage you'll be divorced

Sebscreen − NAH. Both your views on how to split expenses are valid. . What would make one of you the AH is if:. - He expects you to live above your means because that is the lavish lifestyle he wants. OR. - You expect a lavish lifestyle which he doesn't seem interested in but can afford, mostly on his dime. If neither of you think that way, then it is just an unfortunate incompatibility.

Electrical-Shine957 − If I were him I’d ask for a prenup. Look , I think it’s fine to split expenses 70/30 as that’s fair but say the relationship doesn’t work out then your assets should be split the same way. You buy property , you open joint accounts and he provides 70% of the money then it should be split the same way if things don’t work out . If you object to this then your finances instincts are correct. You want a fair split if the costs then you need to agree on a fair split of the assets

In conclusion, this story exposes the delicate balance between love and money—a relationship where financial disagreements can cast long shadows over even the brightest future. The clash over a fixed 50/50 split versus income-proportional contributions reveals underlying issues of trust and respect. How might couples navigate these treacherous waters while safeguarding their personal identities and shared dreams? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and join the conversation!

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