AITA for spending the day with my ex’s mom (just the two of us), which made his new girlfriend jealous and upset?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Family dynamics can be unexpectedly intricate, even after a relationship officially ends. In this story, a young woman recounts how a deep, long-lasting friendship with her ex’s mom evolved into a source of scandal and conflict. Despite an amicable breakup and a cherished bond with Tita—her ex’s caring, outgoing mother—the situation took a dramatic turn when the new girlfriend entered the picture, stirring emotions and rekindling old wounds.

What began as a simple act of spending time together turned into a catalyst for jealousy and bitter revelations. The narrative unfolds in a way that captures both the warmth of genuine friendship and the cold reality of strained family ties. Caught between loyalty to a person once loved and the loyalty demanded by new relationships, the OP finds herself at the heart of a tangled emotional struggle.

‘AITA for spending the day with my ex’s mom (just the two of us), which made his new girlfriend jealous and upset?’

I (F, 22) was in a long-term relationship with my ex (M, 23) from 10th grade to 2nd year college. The breakup was amicable. One of those “we’re growing in different directions” type of things. It was still painful, but it felt like the right decision. One of the hardest parts was letting go of his family, especially his mom, whom I’ll call Tita.

We got very close during the relationship, even though we had different personalities (she’s outgoing and active, I’m reserved and quiet), we connected deeply over shared values. She became a comforting and stable presence in my life when things at home weren’t.

Even after the breakup, we still hung out every Saturday like usual, like trying new restaurants, doing activities, etc. My ex knew and never expressed being weirded out by it. But when he started dating someone new last year, that changed. Tita invited me to her 50th birthday party. A big family celebration.

I hesitated but she insisted I come, saying it would be huge and my ex and I probably wouldn’t even bump into each other. Well… I *did* end up bumping into him. Right as he was introducing his new girlfriend to his mom. It was super awkward. His mom and I were in the middle of a loud conversation, and the vibe got tense.

His mom greeted the new GF politely but was noticeably more focused on me the rest of the night. I even tried to leave early to avoid making things weirder, but she kept gently insisting I stay—

That even though he knew I was invited, he assumed I’d have the “decency not to show up.” He said his GF was upset no one made her feel welcome and that it led to a big fight between them. I felt bad. I didn’t know she’d be introduced that night, and I really didn’t mean to overshadow anything.

I told Tita maybe I should stop attending family events and we agreed to hang out less to avoid drama. But when his GF found out we still did our weekly hangouts, she threatened to break up with him. He told his mom to stop seeing me altogether, which sparked a fight between them.

Some family members said our friendship was weird, others defended it. Eventually, I told Tita we should pause our hangouts until it “wasn’t weird anymore.” She understood, and we only messaged each other on birthdays and holidays after that.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I randomly ran into Tita at the mall while I was running a small errand and so was she. It was like there was never even a pause in our relationship and we ended up spending the whole day together: lunch, museum, movie, early dinner. It was lovely and felt like reconnecting with an old friend.

I even shared that I was seeing someone new, and she was really supportive. Then came the fallout. Tita posted a story of our hangout, and my ex saw it. He messaged me again, calling me *weird,* *disrespectful,* and even accused me of still wanting him back because I “won’t leave his mom alone.”

It was honestly really hurtful, especially since her knew why and how I got close to his mom. I explained that I’m in a new relationship, I have no interest in him, and Tita is just someone I care about deeply.

I’ve also learned that even after all this time, his girlfriend and his mom never got close, and our hangout story sparked another huge fight between them. So… AITA for continuing a friendship with my ex’s mom—even after years have passed, I’m in a new relationship, and it was just the two of us spending time together?.

UPDATE: There’s been a ton of comments here, and I appreciate the mixed-bag of perspectives. I’m continuing to be friends with Tita. And at this point, I really do not care what anyone thinks, *especially* not after what I’ve learned.

First, I don’t know how else to say this: people have been making **bad-faith assumptions** about me and Tita. That she’s making some grand ploy to get me and my ex back together. That I secretly want him back and I’m using her to interfere in their relationship. That I’m still inserting myself into his family events.

That she’s pitting us against each other on purpose. A lot of this seems rooted in people’s personal painful experiences with exes still being around *their* families. But again, **that is not what’s happening here**. Since the breakup, Tita and I have only ever hung out one-on-one. I have *not* been to their family home.

I have *not* been involved in any family functions, **except** for Tita’s birthday, which is what started this whole mess and is the reason why we have stopped talking in the first place. And no, I don’t think it’s strange if someone I date in the future still has a family member who’s close to their ex. That’s *not* my business. I’m not dating the family.

This morning, I called Tita about the messages I received from my ex a few days ago. She told me he *did* mention it to her, but not in the same hostile tone he used with me. According to her, he just called it “weird” and left it at that.

I finally asked her how things were going between her and his girlfriend, whether they’re okay, if she’s tried to make space for her more, or if we could maybe invite her to a meal sometime to help ease things. That’s when Tita told me something I didn’t know: **she believes my ex cheated on me with his current girlfriend.**

Apparently, other moms had mentioned seeing them together before our breakup. He’d be driving her to and from university, having meals alone with her, and Tita herself had seen her hanging around his friend group during vacations. (I hadn’t been on those trips toward the end of our relationship because I was busy with school or part-time work.)

I didn’t even know who this girl was before the party. When I asked why she didn’t tell me sooner, she said she wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. Hearsay is hearsay. And she believed in my relationship with her son. But she was persistent in asking me what really happened after we broke up because she was trying to find the truth.

Looking back, it’s becoming clearer: the breakup may have been “mutual,” but the emotional detachment started long before, and **not** on my end. He grew distant, and I was the one trying to stay affectionate. I chalked it up to him being busy. His program is demanding, and he helps with their family business, but I see now how much I overlooked.

Still, hearsay is hearsay, so I reached out to one of his friends that I used to be close with. I hadn’t spoken to him in a while, but I shared what Tita told me and what I’d noticed back then. He didn’t respond right away. He *called* me. And he confirmed it. He told me my ex **did** cheat on me with her.

He said he had kept quiet out of guilt, but didn’t want to lose his friendship with my ex. He even once asked my ex directly, and all my ex said was, *“We’re going to break up anyway. I’m just waiting for her to start the conversation.”*

He asked me to obscure where I got the information from if I chose to confront my ex. So I messaged him. He’s seen it, but hasn’t replied. I honestly don’t know what to feel. Hurt, obviously. But also… relief? It doesn’t matter *that* much now. We’re not together, and I’m with someone new. But it still sucks.

I told Tita everything, and she was angry. She said she’ll talk to him, but I asked her to let me breach the conversation first. And after all of this? The only thing I feel absolutely certain of is this: **I want to stay friends with Tita. I do not care anymore if it makes anyone uncomfortable. They can deal with their emotions on their own.**

This is the last and only update for this post. If he responds, I won't make another update. That's a separate matter now. Thank you so much to everyone who shared their perspectives.

Navigating blended relationships and maintaining friendships with ex-partners’ families requires nuanced understanding and firm boundaries. The OP’s case illustrates a common dilemma in modern relationships—when old bonds refuse to fade even after the romantic relationship has ended. This clash between established emotional ties and the expectations of new partners highlights the need for clear communication and mutual respect.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman once remarked, “It’s not the conflict but how we handle it that defines our relationships.” This insight is pertinent here, as the continuing closeness between the OP and her ex’s mom fuels insecurities and misunderstandings within his new relationship. The tension reveals deeper issues of trust, loyalty, and the challenge of redefining relationships after an intimate chapter has closed.

Moreover, the situation underscores that family bonds are not easily compartmentalized. The OP’s friendship with Tita, rooted in shared values and support during difficult times, stands as an independent relationship that deserves its own space. However, its persistence can inadvertently become a flashpoint in the ex’s current love life, magnifying unresolved emotions and complicating the dynamics within his new relationship.

Finally, experts suggest that when longstanding friendships create friction in new relationships, seeking family or couples counseling can be an effective way to navigate these turbulent waters. Professional advice may help all parties—ex-partners, new partners, and extended family members—better understand each other’s perspectives, ultimately fostering healthier boundaries and communication strategies that respect the past while embracing the future.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Across the Reddit thread, a majority of commenters express understanding for the OP’s position while also acknowledging the sensitivity of maintaining a bond with an ex’s family member. Many feel that the OP’s close friendship with Tita, though innocent in its origins, has unfortunately become a flashpoint triggering jealousy and emotional turmoil in her ex’s current relationship.

The consensus suggests that while adults are free to nurture their friendships, doing so in a context where it disrupts new family dynamics is problematic. Ultimately, many voices back the idea that the OP should prioritize her emotional well-being and set clear boundaries if the situation continues to spark conflict.

Fun_Concentrate_7844 − I dont think your the AH, but if my ex kept a close bond with my mother, I'd be unhappy about it. And the extra icing on the cake is that it seems that your exes mom is so enamored with you, any new gf your ex has will be battling to have a relationship with her because they will never measure up to you regardless of who he dates.

Your exes gf can't dictate who anyone stays friends with. But she can leave the relationship which is honestly what I would do just because for me, life is too short for this sort of drama. There are plenty of guys out there that don't have an ex hanging around at his parents.

If you reversed the roles, would your new bf like it if your ex constantly still hung out with your dad? Would it create some friction? I'm betting it would. And unfortunately the night your ex introduced his gf to his mom went badly and set the stage for this being a long term issue.

jrm1102 − NTA - I dont think you’re an AH. You’re all adults and should theoretically behave as such. But I do think you may need to be respectful and cautious here and just maybe more aware of you still being in his family’s life may impact your ex.

LunchPlanner − saying it would be huge and my ex and I probably wouldn’t even bump into each other. What a ridiculous claim. How big was this event? Even at a 200-person wedding, you can reasonably expect to run into nearly everyone there before it's over. Was it bigger than that?

feralbaker − Technically, you’re probably NTA but the optics are really bad. The mom knows what she’s doing. She’s repeatedly picking her kids ex over her own kid. It reminds me of that post from a while back where the OP’s mom kept inviting his ex girlfriend to family events even though he begged her not to because it made him and his new girlfriend uncomfortable.

The girlfriend ended up breaking up with him and his mother still didn’t care about how this affected her son and they pretty much kicked the son out of the family so the mom can keep hanging out with the ex girlfriend. In your head you’re just happy because the mom is YOUR friend, but you’re not realizing the impact it’s having on her actual family.

ThatWhichLurks782 − NTA- Tita is allowed to have friends, even if her son doesn't like them. Your relationship with her is separate from the relationship that you had with her son, which has now ended. Stepping back from family events is probably a good idea, but if she invites you as a friend to HER event, then her disrespectful son can go kick rocks.

Ada_Ser − I don't think you are necessarily the a**hole, but come on...who wants a bf whose mom hangs out with his ex *EVERY WEEK* ? His mom is in fact hindering his possibilities of having a new healthy relationship. She, being his mom, is definitely the a**hole.

Ok_Ring_3261 − NTA - your ex does not get to police his mother’s or your friends. Your relationship with her is between the two of you and none of his business. Tell your ex that his GF’s insecurity is not your responsibility to fix for her or him. His mother and you are grown women that can have a friendship outside of whatever happened between you and your ex.

ObviousProblem5348 − All of the “NTAH” comments are pure cope lol. It’s all dandelions and daisies until YOU start dating a guy whose mom is best friends with his ex and has her around all the time while basically ignoring your presence.

Blindtothesided − I don’t think you’re an AH, but I do think his mom is prioritizing the wrong person. I have a son in his early 20’s and he was with the same girl all through high school and the start of college. I loved her very much and I was quite close to her. However, when they broke up my son asked me to cut my ties with her as well.

I know how hard it is to move on from a relationship and I didn’t want to do anything to make it harder for either of them so I immediately stepped back. I think Tita needs to respect her son’s wishes, I cringed at the part about the new gf meeting her in front of you, I can’t imagine how horrible that must’ve felt for the new gf.

I think, OP, when you’re a little older and have a bit more perspective you may see things slightly different. His mom can’t make room for a relationship with his new gf if she’s still holding so much space for you, and I think whether she realizes it or not that’s exactly what she’s doing.

I also think you should have a bit more empathy for what this is doing to Tita’s relationship with her son, as her friend you should want her to have the best possible relationship she can have with her child. But again, you’re young and I totally get the attachment, I don’t think anyone is being intentionally malicious, just a bit lacking in empathy and perspective.

Fennicular − Oh, this brings back memories! I still miss my ex mother in law. My ex and I were together for 5 years, and I loved his family so much. His Mum and I still met up for a while afterwards, went to the ballet and got coffee and stuff.

but I decided to let it go because it made it harder for me to move on.I'm not saying you have to cut her off, but do take a break. NAH, but sometimes life is complicated and there are no right answers, just less wrong answers.

In conclusion, this story highlights how deep-seated connections can persist long after the end of a romantic relationship—and how they may, unintentionally, complicate new beginnings. The OP finds herself caught in a web of conflicting loyalties, where an innocent friendship has evolved into a source of heartbreak and drama.

What remains clear is that honest communication and the setting of healthy boundaries are essential when past relationships still linger. What do you think? Is it possible to maintain meaningful friendships with ex-family members without stirring up drama, or do these bonds inevitably breed complications? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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