AITA for not eating food made for me on a date because I’m picky?

A cozy second date at a guy’s place—think movie night and home-cooked vibes—took a sharp turn when a single mom stared down a plate she couldn’t touch. The culprit? Mayo, a hard no for her egg allergy and a sensory minefield for her possible ARFID, a condition her daughter also navigates. She apologized profusely, but his flippant jab about “fixing” both her and her kid’s food issues lit a fuse, turning dinner into a dealbreaker.

The fallout didn’t end there—texts later, he doubled down, calling her childish and ignoring the allergy angle. Readers feel her gut-punch moment: wanting connection but facing judgment instead. Was she wrong to snap, or was his pushiness a red flag too big to ignore? This isn’t just about mayo—it’s about respect, boundaries, and what makes a spark worth chasing. Let’s dig into this dinner disaster and sort it out.

‘AITA for not eating food made for me on a date because I’m picky?’

I (24F) am a single mum of an 8 year old. I was in a bad relationship as a teen, which led to me being pregnant. I haven’t exactly dated since, maybe been out on a few dates. My daughter has a condition called ARFID. It means she has a very restricted diet, and it is very much connected to her ASD. I don’t force her to eat certain things that are her “unsafe foods.”

Since her diagnosis, I’ve been quite sure I might have it too, but I cook for us both and am self sufficient, so it doesn’t bother me day to day enough to think about it. Anyway, about a month ago I went on a date, to which we went out to dinner, and it was amazing. He was so open to meeting my daughter in the future and being a family man. I only do serious relationships, so yes this is stuff that was discussed on the first date lol.

The second date was a week ago. I went over to his place (not for anything weird, just to watch a movie.) He then made dinner. Don’t get me wrong, it looked amazing, but I felt awful telling him I actually couldn’t eat it. Usually if something is an unsafe food for me (such as melted cheese, vinegar) I’ll still choke it down to be polite, and just vomit and cry later. But he had put my one hard no in there.

Mayo. I hate it, but more importantly I’m actually just allergic to eggs. Pretty severely. He knew this, as I told him on the first date. He was cool with this on the date. Once he gave me the food, I apologised so much, but I couldn’t eat it. He replied with, “Once we get you past this mayo thing -my daughter’s name- can get over her crap too.”

I was pretty mad about that comment, and snapped back that i’m not eating his gross food and to not talk about my daughter like that. He apologised instantly, saying that’s not what he meant and that it was a stupidly rude joke. I said I was sorry for calling his food gross, it actually looked really good.

We ordered some Maccas and I went home soon after. He seemed okay. About an hour later, I texted him that I had a lot of fun and sorry about the situation. He said “It’s fine, just didn’t have to be such a d**k about it.” I was confused, we went home happy. I apologised some more, and he brought back up me saying it was gross and refusing to eat it.

He was completely ignoring the allergy part of it and saying “You really need to get over this, Cass. It’s childish and it’s not the way you raise a kid.” things like that. I know being picky is annoying, but I don’t feel like I did anything too wrong.. Am I the a**hole?

Talk about a recipe for disaster—serving an allergen to someone who’s clear about their limits is a rookie move, but dismissing their kid’s condition? That’s a hard pass. This mom’s refusal to eat mayo-laden food wasn’t pickiness; it was self-preservation, backed by a severe egg allergy and likely ARFID, a real disorder tied to sensory issues, not whims. Her date’s “get over it” attitude, plus his dig at her daughter’s similar struggles, shows a lack of empathy that’s glaring for a second date.

ARFID’s no joke—studies show it affects up to 5% of kids and adults, often linked to autism, making certain foods physically distressing (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/arfid). His push to “fix” them ignores medical reality, risking harm. Add in his post-date texts calling her childish, and it’s clear he’s more about control than connection.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Albers, an eating disorder expert, says, “Respecting food boundaries builds trust—dismissing them breaks it” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/comfort-cravings/2023/08/food-boundaries). Here, his apology fell flat when he kept blaming her, not his own oversight. Forcing food on someone allergic or averse isn’t quirky—it’s reckless.

Ditch the third date—this guy’s shown he won’t listen, a dealbreaker for a mom prioritizing her daughter’s safety. Focus on partners who respect your health and your kid’s needs, no questions asked. If guilt lingers, a therapist can help unpack ARFID’s impact. Readers, ever had a date ignore a dealbreaker like this? How do you spot the keepers from the clunkers early on?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s serving up a buffet of hot takes on this dining-room drama, and they’re not holding back. Here’s the tastiest selection, dished with a sprinkle of humor to keep it zesty. These Redditors are cooking with fire, but are they plating up truth or just spicing things up? Let’s see what’s worth savoring.

Ok_Expression7723 − NTA. He’s not the one. Based on his attitude and what he said and how he acted, he’s the type to not believe allergies are real.. Food will continue to be an issue with him. He’s already proven he’s close minded about legitimate disorders and food allergies, and has been rude, condescending and judgmental.

He’s not going to magically grow up and become a considerate and understanding partner.. Please don’t subject your child to his attitude.. He seems like the type to “forget” your allergies and sneak ingredients in to “test” you.. He’s not a safe person.

dryadduinath − NTA. please don’t see him again. . he intentionally made you food you couldn’t eat. he tried to override your parenting of your child. . this was the *second date*. he is being incredibly controlling, he’s overstepping, and he’s being cruel to you already. . what do you think a fourth date would look like? a fifth?. please protect yourself and your child. 

MelodicExcuse4226 − NTA He’s showing you all the red flags. You said that you were in a bad relationship as a teen and this would definitely be another bad relationship. He is already showing you that he disrespects you, actively attempting to harm you with foods that will make you sick, gaslighting you into thinking it’s your fault for being unable to eat foods he knew you couldn’t have,

trying to control you (on a second date!) and disregarding real medical issues your daughter is dealing with. He will only get worse from here. Be glad you only wasted a small amount of time getting to know him and move on. He’s not for you and definitely not for your child. He deserves no more sorries. Just a ‘I don’t think our values mesh, wish you the best’ and move on.. When someone shows you who they are - believe them.

mphflame − NTA. STOP APOLOGIZING TO HIM. He's the AH. You have an allergy to eggs. That's not something to mess with. He then put you AND your daughter down. This is NOT the man for you. This man disregarded your allergy and thinks he can fix you AND your daughter by forcing you to eat stuff you can't. D**p him and find yourself someone who will respect your allergy and her sensory condition.

Unseen-metalhead351 − F**k him off, “ once we get you past your mayo thing we can get your daughter over her crap too” This is not a man who respects you or your family, he’s no man at all. Just a regurgitated bully.

Shadow5825 − NTA but why are you still in contact with this guy? 🚩🚩🚩 If this relationship progresses, once you snd your child are living with him, he will start starving your daughter in an effort to force her to eat foods she can't. The mask has slipped. Thank your lucky stars it happened on the second date. He's already told you who he is, believe him.

SeePerspectives − ARFID isn’t “being picky”, it’s a legitimate eating disorder. It’s not something that people choose or can be bullied out of. It’s also an incredibly common comorbid condition with autism (sidenote, there’s a strong genetic component for autism so might be worth seeing if the symptoms are something you relate to too,

I only got diagnosed after my kids were 😉) You’re NTA, but this guy has shown you his true colours. He is not a good or safe fit for you and especially not for your daughter. You both deserve better!

SigSauerPower320 − NTA But to be clear, you didn't refuse to eat it cause you're picky, you refused to eat it cause you're allergic to eggs.

Jumpy_Succotash_241 − The issue here for me isn't the food itself or that you didn't eat it. It's that this guy seems hell bent on making you and your daughter eat stuff that you don't want to. What else will he want to make you do. He sounds controlling and he definitely gaslit you the next day. I really hope you don't have a 3rd date with this clown. NTA. 

Equivalent-Ad5449 − So he gave you stuff he knew were allergic too and didn’t like, insulted you and your child and you kept saying sorry? Seriously. NTA, can’t see wood for the trees but NTA

This mayo-fueled mess proves a single dish can sink a date when respect’s off the menu. The mom stood her ground, protecting her health and her daughter’s dignity, but her date’s pushy vibe and blame game left a bitter aftertaste. It’s a reminder that boundaries aren’t up for debate—especially when it’s about safety. Ever had a date cross a line that made you rethink the whole vibe? Share your stories—what’s the reddest flag you’ve dodged, and how’d you walk away? Let’s chew on this one together.

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