AITA for Am I in the wrong about saying I won’t babysit unless his child is potty trained?

The babysitting gig started with visions of juice boxes and cartoons, not a nose-diving dive into diaper chaos. A 19-year-old thought they were doing their brother a solid by watching his 4-year-old son, only to face a smelly surprise: the kid’s not potty trained and has a knack for fibbing about his accidents. One gag-inducing diaper change later, they’re done—vowing no more childcare until the nephew’s aiming for the toilet.

It’s a story that hits home for anyone roped into family favors, only to find the fine print’s a dealbreaker. The brother’s breezy “it’s normal” excuse, paired with hints of marital mess, leaves readers torn between sympathy and side-eye. Is it fair to draw that line in the sandbox, or should they just hold their nose and deal? Let’s wade into this toddler-sized tempest and figure it out.

‘AITA for Am I in the wrong about saying I won’t babysit unless his child is potty trained?’

People:. Brother-P. Child-W My brother asked me to babysit a few days ago and I said yeah why not. What I didn't know was that his 4 year old son wasn't potty trained so P said to keep asking W every so often if W has to go potty, so I did. Every 20ish minutes I asked W and he kept saying no so I said

I'm 19 with no younger siblings so I've never changed a diaper before until a few days ago, it's was a 4 year olds diaper so you can imagine the smell(sprayed fabreeze in a mask and I still almost puked 4-5 times). P then came home and I said

So am I wrong about saying I won't watch his kid unless he's potty trained? TLDR: watched my 4 year old nephew, and brother didn't say he was potty trained so nephew lied about pooping himself and brother said it's fine he lies about it. Also never changed a diaper before and I'm 19.. Also aren't 4 year olds supposed to be potty trained in general?

Edit: brother is having marital issues but neither him nor his wife(whatever tf she still is) haven't taught him to do s**t on his own. The kid doesn't even use

Yikes, talk about a babysitting plot twist—agreeing to watch a kid only to face a diaper disaster is enough to make anyone rethink family favors. This 19-year-old’s new rule—no babysitting until the nephew’s potty trained—isn’t just about avoiding a repeat; it’s about setting boundaries after being blindsided. The brother’s “it’s fine” attitude, blaming marital chaos, feels like a cop-out, especially when his 4-year-old’s lying about accidents. Both sides are in a bind: the babysitter’s out of their depth, and the brother’s dropping the ball.

Potty training’s a big deal—most kids nail it by 3 to 4, per the American Academy of Pediatrics, unless developmental or emotional issues, like family stress, slow things down. The brother’s home troubles might be stalling progress, but springing that on an unprepared sibling’s unfair.

Dr. Tovah Klein, a child development expert, says, “Caregivers need clear expectations to support kids effectively—surprises set everyone up to fail”. Here, the brother’s silence on his son’s habits left the babysitter scrambling, while the kid’s lying hints at inconsistent guidance. Honesty upfront could’ve spared the Fabreeze fiasco.

Moving forward, the babysitter’s boundary holds water but could flex with prep—maybe learn diapering basics or team up on potty training. The brother’s got homework: consistent routines and open communication with caregivers are musts. If home drama’s the root, parenting support or counseling could help. Readers, ever had to slam the brakes on a family favor? How do you keep it real without starting a feud?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s serving up a steaming pile of opinions on this diaper drama, from gasps to giggles. Here’s the cream of the crop, tossed with a pinch of humor for flavor. These Redditors aren’t holding back, but are they dropping wisdom or just stirring the pot? Let’s see what sticks.

NaturalSignal2397 − Ye I’m more concerned that the child isn’t potty trained at 4 than anything. It’s becoming more common.

MercifulOtter − NTA. I used to work in daycares. Unfortunately nowadays there is a trend of 3+ year olds not being potty trained because the parents don't want to do it. Your brother is in for a rough awakening if the kid isn't potty trained when he goes to start kindergarten and they deny him on that.

QueerBooplesnoot − At 4 years old he should at least be potty trained during the day, having accidents at night can be understandable but if he has no special needs he should be potty trained

geekbarloyalist − 4 is definitely way too old to be in diapers still

Olivianextd00r − I signed up to babysit, not to fight for my life against a 4-year-old poop bomb. If he’s old enough to lie about it, he’s old enough to aim for a toilet

Far-Government5469 − I've never had kids so I don't know about the right age to be potty trained. Your brother's an AH because he knew his darling little angel gleeully lies and he didn't earn your about it till after the fact Even more so though your brother has let his son know it's okay to lie about s**t (pun intended, sorry not sorry).. It's the kind of character flaw that lasts for life

OKchaser2112 − NTA. When you decide whether or not to do things for someone, you get to set your boundaries.. And WTSF?! 4…… wow

CleverGirlRawr − Eh, I have a kid who is not neurotypical and potty training took longer (completely trained including overnight at 4). But OP just know that even when they first start using the toilet they still need help wiping so you may want to wait another full year before babysitting. 

SeaworthinessSea2407 − NTA. My sister will probably end up being a parent before I am. One of my hard boundaries will be that I'm not changing someone else's kid's diaper

Interesting_Wolf_883 − NTA. Boundaries are beautiful. Heads up, even when they are potty trained, be prepared to help them wipe at that age. I was fine doing it for my own kids, but the idea of wiping another person’s kids especially in the 4+ age group makes me extremely uncomfortable.

This diaper dust-up shows family favors can turn into a real stink if expectations aren’t clear. The babysitter’s done wrestling with rogue diapers, and who can fault them after that nose-wrinkling nightmare? But with a brother shrugging off his kid’s delays, this mess isn’t just about potty training—it’s about trust and teamwork. Ever had to push back on a family ask that crossed your line? Spill your tales—what’s the stickiest situation you’ve dodged, and how’d you keep the peace?

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