AITAH – I called my sister “not a smart person” for refusing to get vaccinated before meeting my newborn?

In the emotionally charged realm of family health, few issues are as polarizing as vaccination. For a 29-year-old expectant mother preparing for the birth of her child, the need to protect her newborn extends beyond routine care—it becomes a matter of life and safety. At 34 weeks pregnant and having recently taken her own precautionary TDAP shot, she is resolute in her demand that any caregiver who will spend significant time with her baby must also be vaccinated.

In the quiet aftermath of her OB appointment, a phone call with family turns into an intense debate. When her sister argues against vaccination with claims that defy scientific consensus, the expectant mother is driven to a breaking point. Amid the tension, she bluntly asserts that her sister’s refusal—rooted in misinformation and fear—renders her “not a smart person.” This heartbreaking exchange not only reflects deep familial divides but also highlights the extraordinary lengths a parent will go to safeguard their child’s well-being.

‘AITAH – I called my sister “not a smart person” for refusing to get vaccinated before meeting my newborn?’

Hi all, I’m 29F and currently 34weeks pregnant. I just left my OB appointment for a routine check and to get the TDAP vaccine for whooping cough. My doctor and pharmacist told me that anyone who plans to hold the baby or spend a significant amount of time around the baby should also get the TDAP shot, as whooping cough is often asymptomatic.

I called my family to let them know, and my sister called me afterward to discuss it and basically plead her case for why she won’t get it. For background, my sister (23f) lives at home with my parents and the three of them are basically anti-vaxxers since covid. My parents are 100% repulsed by vaccines (despite my dad being hospitalized for COVID once) and my sister claims that “some” vaccines are ok,

but when push comes to shove she refuses all vaccines, citing that “people still got covid after the vaccine” and “I don’t want to get sick after a vaccine because the vaccine gives you the sickness”. If you ask me, she’s also scared of needles. My sister only works 3 days a week, and the plan was that starting one month after the baby is born,

she would care for him 2 days a week so I can work on those days. So her getting any recommended vaccine, in my view, is extremely important. I tried to explain to her that 1) vaccines don’t necessarily prevent spread, they prevent the worst symptoms, and 2) live vaccines contain a tiny amount of the virus but not enough to actually give you the full blown illness. She stood firm on “no. I’m not doing it.”

At this point I got triggered because the whole antivax rhetoric is so anti-scientific and self-absorbed. I told her “do you think you know better than a doctor and a pharmacist who works with babies every day and went to school for 8+ years??” To which she replied “I know that our dad didn’t get the [covid] vaccine and he’s fine”

That comment was so unrelated and nonsensical to me that I said “the reason I’m getting heated is because you and our parents are so full of yourselves that you think that you’re smarter than the thousands of doctors who recommend these medications, and that makes you not a smart person” and then she hung up.

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I then got a call from my mom (antivax) who said my sister was crying and “you can’t force someone to do something with their body”, and I said “I know, but there will be consequences to her choice and she’ll regret her choice. I think her choice is stupid.”. AITAH?

When the health of a newborn is at stake, clear, science-backed decisions become essential. Medical professionals universally recommend the TDAP vaccine for those who will frequently interact with infants, as the vaccine helps prevent severe outcomes from infections such as whooping cough. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, vaccination is not only about personal protection—it plays a critical role in creating a safe environment for the most vulnerable.

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In this scenario, the expectant mother’s call for vaccination is rooted in a deep understanding of public health and pediatric safety. Her explanation emphasizes that vaccines are designed to mitigate the severity of diseases rather than eliminate transmission entirely. Moreover, live vaccines are formulated with safe quantities of pathogens—insufficient to cause full-blown illness—which underscores their role in preventive care. Each refusal of a vaccine, particularly in households responsible for the welfare of a newborn, can escalate into a potential health hazard.

Breaking the cycle of anti-vaccine rhetoric requires more than polite conversation; it demands setting clear expectations for those entrusted with the care of an infant. The mother’s emotional reaction, though harsh, reflects the frustration of facing unfounded claims that contradict established medical expertise. With her sister’s stance influenced by long-held family beliefs and misinformation, the expectant mother finds herself forced to confront not only a healthcare decision but a clash of values. The conversation becomes emblematic of a broader societal debate: the collision between personal belief and the collective duty to protect public health.

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By choosing to prioritize her baby’s safety over familial harmony, the mother sets a boundary that underscores how critical informed, science-based decisions are in safeguarding the life of a newborn. It is a striking example of how healthcare decisions, particularly in the context of highly charged emotions and longstanding beliefs, can redefine family dynamics and personal responsibility.

Check out how the community responded:

Here are some raw, heartfelt responses from the Reddit community—direct and unfiltered: Many community members support the expectant mother’s decision, echoing the sentiment that protecting a newborn is paramount. They stress that refusing vaccination, especially when tasked with caregiving, not only endangers the baby but also undermines the trust that must exist for healthy family dynamics.

PresentationThat2839 − Nta. My own grandma lost her first born daughter to whooping cough. And so when my own daughter was preterm my grandma went on the prowl aggressively hunting down all her children and grandchildren to make sure they had their boosters.... Because and I quote her

Your parents and sister are speaking from an uneducated place of never having to watch someone you love die a painful and now preventable death. And well that's good it also allows them the privilege of being f**king stupid.

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ForwardPlenty − NTA. Visits and caring for a child other than your own are a privilege, not a right. A parent has every right to set the conditions of you visiting, holding and watching their child. So you certainly can't make someone take a vaccine, but the consequence of not taking the shot is that they don't get to have contact with your child. You are 100% correct that there are consequences for her choice.

ProfessorDistinct835 − NTA. You're going to need alternative childcare plans until they come to their senses. Maybe not getting to see their grandchild will snap some sense into them.

ReaderReacting − NTA. They don’t have to get a vaccine. It s their choice.. It’s your choice not to put your child in harm’s way! No holding the baby and no providing childcare until you receive proof of vaccination seems reasonable. I would get vaccinated if need be.

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esmegytha4eva − NTA. We have pertussis regularly in my region and my daughter got it two months after having H1N1 with secondary infections (that first year swing flu was around). My daughter, despite being weak from the previous illnesses, had a mild (but still miserable) case of whooping cough and didn't end up in the hospital.

Our pediatrician heavily empathized *this* is why we vaccinate. So kids can survive it. Please take this seriously and consider adding RSV to your list of concerns. It's far more common than whooping cough and has put a number of newborns I know into the ICU. It's mild in adults who may not realize they actually have it.. ETA autocorrect error

ValenciaRose_ − NTA. You’re protecting your newborn — that’s your top priority, and rightly so. Newborns are extremely vulnerable, and TDAP protects against a potentially deadly disease. It’s absolutely reasonable to expect anyone who’s going to be around your baby regularly — especially a caregiver — to take that seriously.

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Your sister has the right to refuse the vaccine, but you also have the right to set boundaries for your child’s safety. You didn’t insult her looks or mock her — you challenged her thinking, and maybe bluntly, but not cruelly. If she’s crying because someone called out her anti-scientific stance, that’s her issue.

Your delivery might’ve been emotional, but the content of what you said was valid. You’re not forcing her to get vaccinated — just saying she won’t be around the baby if she doesn’t. Actions have consequences. That's not controlling — that’s parenting.

FunProfessional570 − I worked in healthcare. I saw infants and toddlers come in lot the emergency room with whooping cough. Some never left. So this is a hill I’d die on. No vaccines then no visits and no watching my child. Measles is going res urging as well. It’s one of the most contagious diseases humanity has encountered.

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When almost everyone is vaccinated those that cannot have vaccine for legit reasons are protected by herd immunity. Well, Texas has seen at least two deaths from measles in the past few days. Your baby is vulnerable to so much these first few months before they can be vaccinated. Stay strong and keep your insane and ignorant family away from your baby.

ExcitementGlad2995 − You know after a certain point, it’s enough. You reach that point. Protect your baby from your family ill chosen beliefs.

SeaworthinessDue8650 − It is not just whooping cough. Look at how many children who have the measles in the US at the moment. Some of them won't see their next birthday and some will have lasting consequences. You are responsible for protecting your child from unvaccinated visitors until your child is old enough to be vaccinated himself. . You need to find another childcare solution and go low contact with your sister and parents. . NTA

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cowandspoon − NTA. Your family are idiots. Don’t let them near your child until they appropriately vaccinated.

This narrative highlights the painful intersections where personal beliefs, misinformation, and the imperative to protect a vulnerable life collide. It raises tough questions: Can a family truly compromise on scientific evidence when a baby’s health is involved? Is it fair to draw a line in the sand—even at the cost of hurting loved ones—to ensure the safety of the next generation?

While the exchange may have been harsh, it underscores that actions have consequences, particularly when it comes to public health responsibilities. What would you do in a similar situation? Share your experiences and insights—where do you believe the line should be drawn when personal choice conflicts with communal safety?

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