Aitah for banning my wife’s friend from my house after pushed me for taking my drunk wife home?

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Under the shimmer of a late-night party, tensions unexpectedly rose as laughter and chatter turned into uneasy silence. On one side, a husband driven by worry and protectiveness found himself questioning the lively merriment around him, while on the other, the carefree spirit of a night filled with fun took center stage. The scene was set with dim lighting and vibrant chatter, gradually morphing into a moment of confrontation.

As the evening unraveled, the initial joy gave way to an undercurrent of concern. A husband, anxious about his wife’s well-being amid the revelry, intervened abruptly, causing ripples among the friends gathered there. His act of forcefully retrieving his wife sparked a heated debate, leaving everyone to wonder: was this a loving, safety-conscious gesture or a step over the line into controlling behavior?

‘Aitah for banning my wife’s friend from my house after pushed me for taking my drunk wife home?’

My wife is 27 and I am 28, my wife has a friend, a bit of a close friend infact she's been friends with her since past 2 years, I don't like her at all and alot of people find her insufferable. This weekend my wife told me that she's going to her friends house and she'll spend her evening and night at her place with their 2 other friends, I asked her if they'll drink, she told me yes but she won't go overboard this time and she'll book a cab and come to home before 10.

I told my wife that she won't book a cab I'll come pick her up and she shouldnt drink alot, she promised me she won't but I had this feeling that she might drink too much cause my wife has tendencies of overdrinking especially when she's excited and partying so I went to pick her up an hour before.

When I showed up at her friend's place I saw all these drunk women dancing, drinking and screaming like they ran out of mental asylum and my wife was laying on the couch clearly drunk, I grabbed my wife and told her it's time to leave.

Her friends stopped me and insisted to let my wife stay for a bit longer and even my wife said to wait for a bit, I told them that they've been having fun and drinking for so many hours and it's more than enough for today.

When I tried to leave with my wife her friend tried to stop me a bit forcefully and when I didn't listen to her she pushed me and called me controlling and cursed me infront of everyone, I told her that the only reason I am not retaliating is because she's a woman and I'm in her house but from this moment she's not allowed in my house and if she comes over to my house ever again I'll call the police.

I left with my wife and after we got home I fed her which she puked at midnight and went to sleep with me and she didn't sleep until midnight and didn't let me sleep either and kept saying 'my husband, my husband' and hugged me and she kept complimenting me.

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that but anyway now her friends all of them are telling me that I'm being a controlling husband and I have no right to tell my wife what she can and she can't do and I don't have the right to ban her friend from her house. Am I the a**hole? Sure I'm a bit angry but my anger is not without a reason and if I appear as a controlling husband I think my wife's situation warrants it and I'm just doing what I think is best for my wife.

Letting a partner navigate social spaces can feel like an essential step in any evolving relationship, yet imposing strict boundaries too forcefully may tip the balance. In the situation detailed above, the husband’s concerns about his wife’s safety amidst excessive drinking are understandable at first glance, but his actions—such as picking her up an hour early and forcibly escorting her home—raise serious questions. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman often emphasizes, “A relationship built on respect and trust will thrive even when disagreements occur.” (gottman.com).

From an analytical standpoint, controlling behavior—especially when expressed through physically grabbing a partner and dictating their actions—can be red-flagged as problematic. Research suggests that subtle forms of control may be early indicators of deeper relationship issues. While concern for a partner’s health is commendable, overriding their expressed wishes may instill fear rather than comfort. Some studies have found that enforcing rules without mutual agreement could lead to increased conflict and mistrust over time.

Quoting an expert from a widely respected source, Dr. Gottman notes, “The key is not to eliminate conflict entirely but to manage it constructively.” Such insights highlight that both parties should ideally be part of the decision-making process when it comes to issues of safety and personal autonomy. It is crucial for partners to discuss their boundaries openly, ensuring that any action taken is a collaborative rather than a unilateral decision. This balanced approach helps to safeguard both individual freedom and mutual care in the relationship.

Finally, focusing on actionable advice, it might be beneficial for couples caught in similar dilemmas to consider counseling or open dialogue sessions. Tools such as couples therapy or mediated discussions can offer a space to explore concerns in a respectful and constructive manner. Engaging in honest conversation about drinking habits, personal boundaries, and emotional support not only fosters intimacy but also aligns with the advice from experts on maintaining healthy, trusting relationships.

See what others had to share with OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous.

Various_Olive_5072 − We need more. What did your wife have to say the next day when the hang over passed and she learned all that happened?

coggiegirl − Is your wife an a**oholic or is this an every once in a while thing? Not enough information.

jensmith20055002 − INFO: what was your wife's reaction the next day? Why does she have a 10 o'clock curfew?

marijuanarasauce − Are we all joking in the comments?. Correct me if I’m wrong, but —. Wife wanted to have a fun sleepover with her friends (“spend her evening AND night there”). She made all the arrangements, making sure you weren’t troubled at all with having to take care of her, even thinking ahead to order a cab for the next morning.

You tell her no, that you’re picking her up at 10. You show up an hour early for no reason other than “you had a feeling” You embarrass her in front of all her friends by insisting that she’s too drunk and demanding she comes home with you NOW.

Your wife even says she’s fine and wants to have more fun with her friends (who, mind you, are just being drunk and having a good time? Not like male strippers were all over the place…) You GRAB your wife and make her go home with you, then are annoyed that you have to deal with how drunk she is?

Yeah dude, that’s why she offered to go home SOBER the next morning so you don’t have to go through any trouble. You are an a**hole to every degree, and I’m SHOCKED so many people think otherwise. Everything listed points to you being a controlling, toxic husband. I would NEVER let you into my house and I would be checking with my friend to make sure she’s not being abused at home. Shame on you.

die_insi − Already an update but from another account…. Clearly FAKE, so YTA.

Longwinded_Ogre − I don't want to be rude here, but how the f**k is this unclear. You went to get your wife, she said, paraphrasing, that she wasn't ready to go yet, and you decided she was going anyways. I don't really care if your wife was drunk. She's an adult. She was not unsafe.

She has the right to drink and being drunk doesn't mean you have the right to decide for her where she ought to be.. She said no and you, having already

Maybe you had good intentions, but honestly it feels more like you were being stubborn and were determined to get your way. You're right because you think you were right. Who cares what your wife, a grow adult woman who's entirely within her rights to drink as much as she wants and who cedes none of her adult autonomy to you just because she's drinking, wants.

You wanted her to come home right now and you want the narrative to be that you were a good and noble man who stood up for her safety. But you're not. You're a dude that wanted to have things your way, who thinks he gets to decide for his wife and

You're the a**hole. YTA. I don't even think it's debatable. She told you she wasn't ready to leave and you decided, in that moment, that you were the boss of her. Her friend was right to try and stop you. You're the only one here that was remotely out of line. I'm going to be honest, I think this is almost certainly symptomatic of some serious inequality in your relationship. I'll bet you justify putting yourself in charge a lot.

CockroachWarm5508 − NTA for banning the friend from your house, she shouldn't have pushed you. However I think YTA and that there's more to this than meets the eye, because of how you commented

If you hate her drinking so much, communicate with her, and realise that sometimes people get shitfaced. As long as she's not doing anything really bad or doing it often, get over it. She was at a friends house, it would be different if she were constantly getting into a state in public.

Edit: Seeing now OP is confused about comments suggesting he is controlling, as his wife is an a**oholic. I would suggest OP that you actually include that in your post for context, as you actually left out a pretty important detail. You can't

StrangestTimeline − Am I the a**hole? . so I went to pick her up an hour before.. I grabbed my wife and told her it's time to leave. Her friends stopped me and insisted to let my wife stay for a bit longer and even my wife said to wait for a bit.

I told them that they've been having fun and drinking for so many hours and it's more than enough for today. So you showed up early, forced your wife to leave against her and her friends wishes, because you felt they had enough fun.. Lol yeah you're a controlling a**hole. Was this really that hard to figure out?

5_Ds_Of_Dodgeball − As a man, YTA 100%.

MarsicanBear − To be honest you do sound super controlling in both the OP and your comments.. ESH

These popular opinions capture the raw and unfiltered sentiment of Reddit users, reflecting a range of views from outright condemnation of controlling behavior to perplexity over the dynamics at play. Yet, one must ask: do these opinions mirror the reality of the situation, or do they simply highlight the blurred lines between protective concern and overbearing control?

In conclusion, the complexities of personal autonomy versus protective care in relationships are as nuanced as they are challenging. While the husband’s intentions may stem from genuine concern for his wife, his forceful intervention raises important questions about respect and mutual decision-making. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? We invite you to share your experiences, thoughts, and suggestions below. Let’s discuss whether such actions truly safeguard a loved one, or if they risk eroding the very trust they aim to protect.

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