UPDATE: in-law’s straining my marriage?

In a house once marked by hope and fleeting compromises, tension now permeates every corner of the home. The unfolding events have left the family’s domestic landscape transformed into an arena of mounting frustration and high stakes ultimatums. The delicate balance between familial duty and personal wellbeing has become untenable, with unresolved promises echoing through daily life.

Now, the situation has escalated dramatically. With the overstaying guests turning a temporary relief into a prolonged burden, the protagonist has decided that enough is enough. In a bold move, she has laid down strict terms: the freeloaders must depart by June 1st, or she and her children will seek refuge elsewhere. This update explores the implications of her decision, the shifting dynamics within the family, and the broader issue of setting boundaries in challenging domestic environments.

For those who want to read the previous part: In-law’s straining my marriage but it’s my fault apparently?

‘UPDATE: in-law’s straining my marriage?’

BIL (19M) and his GF has overstayed their welcome in my (28F) and my husband's (30M) home. 10+ months for the BIL and 3+ months for the GF. I was conned into the whole situation when both husband and BIL said it would only be for a couple months, which was last May.

Rent has stopped being paid, cleaning of their own areas stopped and there has been no attempt of them to leave my home. I'm uncomfortable in my own home and my husband absolutely blows up at me any time I bring it up, and accuses me of hating his family and wanting to throw them out on the street. AITAH?

First I would like to say thank you all for the different perspectives. Most of all the responses said I should just kick all three of them out and say good riddance. I will say, some of the responses gave me a good little laugh in this extremely frustrating situation, so thank you for that too.

Taking everything into consideration, I gave my husband an ultimatum last night and I'm sticking to it. They need to be gone by June 1st, with all rent paid according to how I had laid it out or else I'm moving out with the kids into an apartment.

I'm also not cooking for them (just enough for me and the kids), all laundry detergents and toiletries will be kept in my closet, and internet passwords will be changed. Now, before I get

Which, in theory, I'll know by mid May if they aren't moving out if they don't have anything lined up by then. I really do doubt my husband is wanting this to actually happen (me and the kids moving out) but I wouldn't put it past him thinking that I'm bluffing.

All in all, I would hope it doesn't have to come to that point. I am happy to learn though after sketching a quick budget, that I would be able to support me and both of my children with my own income if worst came to worst.. Thanks again!

The situation illustrates how small, well-intentioned acts of compassion can swiftly escalate into serious domestic challenges when clear boundaries are absent. Experts point out that inviting family members into one’s home carries inherent risks if expectations remain vague. Here, temporary arrangements have stretched indefinitely, creating an imbalance that strains communication and mutual respect. This evolving dilemma calls for immediate reassessment of responsibilities among all household members.

A key issue is the uneven distribution of household duties and financial responsibilities. When one partner shoulders most of the burden while others fail to honor their commitments, frustration and resentment inevitably build. Such situations are not uncommon, and they underscore the necessity of establishing clear, written agreements or plans to govern shared living arrangements. Without such structure, even the most supportive family gesture can turn into an ongoing source of conflict.

Renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman aptly noted, “A successful relationship is built not by avoiding conflict altogether, but by learning how to manage and resolve disagreements constructively.” His insight emphasizes that confrontation is natural, but it must be navigated with transparency and mutual accountability. In this case, the lack of honest dialogue and decisive action has allowed temporary solutions to become long-term stressors, undermining the foundation of trust within the marriage.

Ultimately, decisive action is critical when boundaries are continually crossed. Experts advise that couples consider seeking professional counseling to address and mediate these disputes. Legal advice might also prove beneficial, especially in clarifying rental or cohabitation expectations. Establishing non-negotiable conditions can help restore stability and ensure that all parties understand the severe consequences of persistent neglect of agreed-upon responsibilities.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The general consensus among the Reddit community is that the protagonist is entirely justified in setting an ultimatum. Many agree that the situation has spiraled out of control due to her husband’s failure to enforce the original terms, and that clear boundaries are overdue.

The overall sentiment supports her decision to take a stand, with numerous voices suggesting that, without decisive action, her quality of life and family stability will continue to suffer. Comments frequently underscore the importance of accountability, urging her to consider legal advice and to prepare for all eventualities if her husband continues to deflect responsibility.

Wadewilson101 − Based on how your husband has dealt with this situation I hope he is not calling your bluff, but be ready. Good luck

AlannaAdvice − I think your husband thinks you’re bluffing and he’ll try and con you again. He might say they’ll move out and then guilt you for the next 2 months. And then sometime in May, he’ll tell you that they need just a little more time. Be prepared for more bargaining and guilt tripping. Do not negotiate with them. I wish you luck. I hope your husband chooses well NTAH

Sea_Firefighter_4598 − Start looking at apartments and make sure your husband sees you do it.

Oh_Wiseone − NTA - I suggest 2 other things to help motivate your husband and show him how serious you are. Get an attorney to prepare a legal separation document. In this document, make sure you have sole decision making for your two children. Moving out is not just living in an apartment, it also means you have to be responsible in case your kids are sick etc.

The second thing is to prepare a demand letter for the back-rent. Both of these documents are intended to show your husband that his lack of action, is the reason your marriage is failing.He needs to understand how serious this is and it is not an empty threat. You’re already sleeping in separate rooms.

I can’t imagine how dumb he is and why he is not treating you / your children as more important than his brother & gf. His priorities are all screwed up. Good luck ! ETA - do this now, don’t wait until June 1. The objective is to avoid moving out - so this will motivate your husband. But meanwhile, keep looking for a new apartment - just in case.

Quiet-Hamster6509 − Get the documents for you and your children and put them in a safe place, along with hiding any money you have in cash and make sure your husband doesn't have any access to it.

At the end of the day, it's not about whether you like his family or not, it's about the fact that he has moved his family in without asking and expecting you to take care of the workload related. When you said your wedding vows, it didn't include this.

Present-Duck4273 − Are they paying utilities?! You were making them food?! Heck no!  I would expect them or your husband to be paying back rent as well for any missed rent payment. Can you really handle 2 more months of this?! Check your local laws, but I would also give them written eviction notice.

Find out how long you have to give them. Use that as the length of time to start paying rent, not an arbitrary amount of time. I’m guessing house is in both of your names, so you may want to consult a lawyer regardless to see what your options are before June 1.

IrisGalee − Good for u! June 1st is reasonable. U’re not bluffing. Stick to ur guns. He needs to realize u mean business.

KaoJin-Wo − I am so happy to hear you made a stand. Now be smart and get the kids papers out of the house and safely tucked away somewhere. Get a lock for your closet. Start saving money eyes now and contributing less. Basically start separating from him now in all but the leaving. Hopefully he notices and sees that you’re serious. Good luck

therealzacchai − I am happy to learn though after sketching a quick budget, that I would be able to support me and both of my children with my own income. Yours *and child support.*. Sorry you're in this tough spot, but I am cheering for you, strong brave girl!! ETA: don't wait 2 months to see a lawyer; go see one NOW. She will help you see things you will need to know going forward either way!!

rocketmn69_ − Go see a lawyer Bring the business card home and leave it partially hidden where your husband can find it. He'll realize how serious you are.

In conclusion, this update not only marks a turning point in a fraught living situation but also serves as a stark reminder of the importance of establishing and enforcing personal boundaries. With an ultimatum now in place, the protagonist aims to reclaim her home and secure a future where her family’s wellbeing is prioritized over unfulfilled promises.

The situation encapsulates the complexities of intertwining familial support with personal responsibility, challenging everyone involved to reassess their commitments and communication styles. What would you do if you faced similar persistent overreaching in your home? Share your thoughts and experiences—your insight could be the key to guiding someone in a similar predicament.

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