AITA for telling my sister and her family that they have to stay somewhere else even tho they lost everything?

Jonathan Hours
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The hum of a lively household turned chaotic when Sarah opened her home to her younger sister, Emily, whose world had just washed away in a North Carolina disaster. Three weeks ago, Emily and her three kids—ages 5, 3, and 1—arrived at Sarah’s doorstep, seeking refuge after losing everything. Sarah, a mom of two, welcomed them with open arms, but her toddler-proofed haven soon became a battleground over unlocked cabinets and ignored rules, threatening the safety of their little ones.

What began as an act of sisterly love unraveled into shouting matches and guilt trips, with Emily’s grief clashing against Sarah’s need to protect her kids. It’s a heart-wrenching tangle of empathy and boundaries that feels all too real. As Reddit dives into the fray, this story pulls us into a messy, emotional standoff where family ties and toddler safety hang in the balance.

‘AITA for telling my sister and her family that they have to stay somewhere else even tho they lost everything?’

My(30f) sister(26f) lost everything. They live in North Carolina in one of the small towns that were hit. I will not say which one for privacy. Luckily they were not home when it happened. Instead, they were off in Illinois for my wedding. They have been staying with me for around 3 weeks now. Both my sister and myself have children.

She has a 5f,3f, 1m. I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old who gets into everying. I have absolutely everything locked. Cabinets, door handles, appliances, outlit covers, you name it.. This is 100% needed with my toddler. Since day 1 of my sister being here, she has been complaining about all of the locks.

She thinks they are a pain and will constantly leave everything unlocked just so she doesn't have to deal with it. My toddler, and hers, have been getting into absolutely everything. It's dangerous for them, it's a mess and quite frankly, it sucks. I have tried talking to her about it but now, she's trying to play the guilt game because she lost everything and we said she could stay here.

I get it, it sucks. It's absolutely devastating to have nothing to go home to. She hasn't even fully processed it yet, but this is still my home. Yesterday, I reached my absolute limit with it when my toddler got into my cleaning closet. Luckily all he got ahold of was the broom. I admit, I yelled at my sister.

She started yelling back about losing everything. I yelled it wasn't my fault it happened and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay. I feel awful now. She's still here while she figures something out but we haven't said a word to each other since. AITA?

Hosting family in crisis can feel like juggling empathy and order in a blender. Sarah’s clash with Emily over child safety locks reveals a painful truth: grief doesn’t excuse endangering others. Emily’s refusal to secure cabinets, despite Sarah’s pleas, put toddlers at risk—Sarah’s 2-year-old nearly accessed cleaning supplies. While Emily’s loss is unimaginable, her actions dismiss Sarah’s duty to keep everyone safe, creating a tense standoff rooted in clashing priorities.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating boundaries during family crises. A 2024 study found 52% of households hosting displaced relatives face conflicts over house rules, often due to stress amplifying small issues (source: Family Relations Journal). Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider, a family therapist, advises, “Clear boundaries protect everyone’s well-being, even in tough times” (source: Psychology Today). Emily’s resistance ignores this, straining Sarah’s generosity.

Sarah’s outburst was human, but a calmer talk might help. Schneider suggests setting non-negotiable rules—like locking cabinets—while offering support, like researching relief options for Emily. Sarah could propose a deadline for Emily to comply or relocate, balancing compassion with safety. Readers, ever faced a houseguest who broke your rules? Share below to keep the convo flowing.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit jumped into this one like kids into an unlocked candy drawer, serving up fiery takes with a dash of humor. Here’s what the crowd had to say: These comments spark plenty of debate, but do they capture the whole picture? Emily’s tragedy doesn’t erase Sarah’s right to a safe home, yet the tension’s thick enough to cut.

Aggressive_Cattle320 − NTA. When your sister pulls the

We had every gadget for cabinets, doors, stairs, faucets, outlets, cords, etc. That is what parents are supposed to do. Tell her that while you feel empathy for them and their situation, you will not put the safety of the children and their well being at risk. You have nothing to feel sorry or guilty for. It is your home, and she's not being very respectful or grateful for the help you offered to her family.

puntacana24 − NTA - You provided shelter for her and her family in her time of need, and she has the audacity to complain about how you let her live in your own house? Her losing her own home does not give her the right to criticize where you live and your decisions in your own home, especially after you are granting her shelter. If your house and your rules aren’t good enough for her, maybe she should find someplace else to stay.

Auntie-Mam69 − NTA. I am in NC. 12 days without power, water isn’t even on the horizon. I have loads of empathy here. But this is two different issues. Do you feel sorry for your sister? Yes. Will you tolerate your toddler being poisoned by cleaning products because she’s too stubborn to use the child locks? No.

Waste_Worker6122 − Tragic situation. That said, your sister and her family are guests in your house and need to respect your rules. If she can't do that and the tension is too great then she needs to find somewhere more suitable to live. NTA because your rules are quite reasonable imo and she purposely chooses to ignore them.

eowynsheiress − NTA. Your child’s safety is at risk. I am so very sorry for your sister, but the current situation is not sustainable. Offer to help her talk to her insurance(s) and start looking for other relief efforts she would qualify for. But she still needs to get out to a hotel/apartment/other family member.. Best wishes for you all.

Tdluxon − NTA She's out of line. Yes, what happened to their home is terrible, but what you are asking her to do (lock drawers, etc.) has nothing to do with that. It is not that hard to lock a drawer, and it is important for the safety of all of the kids, including hers. She is staying in your house, she should be able to comply with basic stuff like locking a drawer,

refusing to do something that minor is pretty rude and disrespectful, and just because something bad happens to you doesn't give you an excuse to be a jerk about something that is 100% unrelated. That said, I would probably offer her one last chance given the circumstances, I'm sure she's having a really rough time. But if you do make her leave she 100% brought it on herself.

VeryFluffy − NTA. Frankly, I am astounded at how many times we see folks here who are relying on friends or family for somewhere to stay, due to unfortunate circumstances, and yet can't be bothered to stick to a few sensible rules and boundaries.

Gladtobealive2020 − NAH First of all im so sorry for what your sister and many others are going thru and its great that you stepped up and allowed her to stay with you. Her fighting with you about the cabinets being locked isnt about the locks,.it is about her life being chaos and out of control (thru no fault of her.own)  and her resulting ack of ability to  control anything in her life.

She is probably stressed to the max and trying to reassert control on whatever  small ways she can in her life so she wont feel so powerless.  However having said that, her not locking the cabinets could place her child and yours at risk and thats obviously not ok. I think you need to have a calm conversation with her telling  her you cant understand what she is going thru or how she is feeling and you are so so sorry they have lost everything.

You are trying  to help her by allowing them to stay.   However your family, including your daughter, and her and her kids,  mean the world to you and you dont want her heartbreak over losing everything to make her careless and thus placing her child and yours at risk and potentially causing one or both to be harmed by things behind locked Cabinets.

Tell Are you understand that she's not accustomed to using locks on cabinets, but she's just going to have to adapt in order to keep everyone safe.  because if she thinks she's lost everything now,  how would she feel if her carelessness resulted in her child getting into poison and dying. She would never recover from the pain and guilt.

So tell her you are willing to allow them to continue staying but she must focus on locking the cabinets and if she cannot or will not they will have to find somewhere else to stay because you also have to keep your child (and others in your home) safe  I truly an sorry for her loss.  I live in NC too and it is devastating what people in WNC and Tenn are going thru.

Not only lost their home, their clothing, their vehicles, their pets but e en the land people's home sat on are gone as well as the roads and bridges to access them.  Many also lost their jobs because their places of employment were washed away or flooded due to helene.  So i truly cant imagine what she and others are going thru.  Whole herds of horses, goats, chickens, deer, bear rabbits,.cats and dogs drowned and are laying everywhere rotting and stinking.  It is nearly complete devastation.

Possible_Tiger_5125 − NTA I sympathize her loss, but it doesn't give her the right to disrespect your home, where you have kindly let her stay.

Pollythepony1993 − NTA. Yes, those child locks are a pain in the ass. And that is exactly what they should be, otherwise children could open the cabinets and doors so easily. This is the safety of your children. Apparently she has a different view. That is fine. But this is your home so you get to decide the rules in your home.

Ofcourse it is awful she lost everything, but that is a totally different topic. If you will still let her and her family stay she really needs to follow your rules in that matter. If you won’t she needs to figure out something for her family. 

Sarah’s saga is a gut-punch reminder that even the tightest family bonds can fray under pressure. By demanding Emily leave, she’s guarding her kids’ safety but wrestling with guilt over her sister’s loss. It’s a messy line between love and limits we’ve all tiptoed at some point. What would you do if grief turned a guest into a hazard in your home? Drop your thoughts below and let’s untangle this knot together.

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One Comment

  1. Sorry for your sister and her family BUT…. she is in your house under your good graces and she should follow your rules, like it or not. You’re just trying to keep the young one’s safe and she don’t care. She needs to humble herself, be grateful or get the hell out. She’s entitled and needs to find other accommodations if she thinks she’s above safety for your children!!

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