AITA for refusing to take care of my husband’s medical equipment?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a bedroom at dawn, a CPAP machine humming softly—until a curious cat pounces, sparking a marital firestorm. For one wife, her husband’s 15-year habit of leaving his sleep apnea gear out has become a daily burden, one he insists she shoulder to keep kids and pets at bay. When she pushes back, saying it’s his responsibility, he doubles down, blaming her for a chewed hose and threatening to lock her out of their shared space.

This isn’t just about a medical device; it’s a clash over fairness in a home stretched thin by unequal chores. The wife, juggling family life, feels dismissed as her husband prioritizes his convenience over hers. His lockout idea—cutting her off from her own bedroom—has her questioning who’s really unreasonable. Reddit’s diving into this domestic drama, and the stakes are as personal as a marriage vow.

‘AITA for refusing to take care of my husband’s medical equipment?’

So my husband (42m) and I (41f) are having a disagreement. Here's the situation: he uses a CPAP machine at night. He's had it for 15 years and never puts it away in the morning. He has decided that it's my responsibility to take care of it and prevent the children or our pets from touching it. He says it's unreasonable for him to put it away every morning, even though there are many many things the kids and I use and put away every single day.

He insists that other things of his be left where it's convenient for himself even if it makes life harder for the rest of us (example he will leave his shoes under the kitchen table and tells me that I should just not clean the floor there at all so his shoes don't get moved) he goes to great lengths to make life easier for himself even if that means putting more difficulty on me and our children.

last night our cat got into our bedroom and chewed on the hose for his CPAP. I didn't know it till we went to bed and husband freaked out. He demanded to know why I wasn't watching his CPAP and why I had

Our second bathroom is only accessible thru the bedroom, all my own things are in the bedroom and that would leave me with out access to any of my things during the day unless I cleared everything out of my room and the second bathroom (which is also where I keep my makeup and other personal items) which to me seems totally unreasonable.

I told him he should put away his CPAP every morning. He says that it's unreasonable for him to remember to do such an annoying task and that he shouldn't have to put anything he owns away. I really feel like he should be responsible for his own things and that it is unreasonable for him to lock me out of my own room.. So am I the a**hole?

Marriages thrive on shared loads, but this couple’s tussle over a CPAP machine reveals a deeper rift in teamwork. The wife’s refusal to manage her husband’s medical gear stems from exhaustion—he expects her to safeguard it while leaving his shoes and habits wherever suits him. His reaction, blaming her for damage and proposing a bedroom lockout, screams control, not compromise.

She’s clear: it’s his device, his duty. He sees it as her role, dismissing her access to their shared space as collateral damage. Relationship coach Dr. Laura Berman says, “When one partner prioritizes their ease over mutual respect, it erodes trust” (Berman, 2024). Berman’s insight nails it—the husband’s demands pile unfair labor on his wife, ignoring her equal claim to their home. His lockout threat? A power move, not a solution.

This spat mirrors a broader issue: unequal household burdens. A 2023 Pew Research study found 59% of women in marriages report doing more domestic work than their spouse (Pew Research, 2023). The wife’s stand is a bid for equity, not rebellion. Dr. Berman suggests a chore audit—list tasks, split them fairly, and set boundaries like storing the CPAP daily. The wife could propose a trial: he manages it for a month, or they rethink room access together. Readers, ever fought over whose job is whose? Share your take below.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s no stranger to calling out lopsided marriages, and this wife’s CPAP saga got the crowd buzzing with wit and wisdom. Here’s what they had to say, served with a side of shade: These Reddit gems make you wonder: is the husband’s stance just lazy, or is something bigger breaking down? Let’s unpack it.

Princess-She-ra − He insists that other things of his be left where it's convenient for himself even if it makes life harder for the rest of us... He says that it's unreasonable for him to remember to do such an annoying task and that he shouldn't have to put anything he owns away

So... this isn't just about the CPAP. You've been his maid for 15 years. He doesn't have to put anything away, he doesn't have to take care of his stuff, he doesn't care if he makes it more difficult for you to **clean the floor and won't even put his frikkin shoes away?**. Sorry but this isn't ok.

SpecialistFeeling220 − Oh no. Do you both happen to come from a background where women are expected to be subservient to men, their husbands in particular? It’s those kinds of behaviors that have driven young women from faiths that regard them as less than their male counterparts.

I’m so sorry, because I don’t believe that men raised with the belief that their wives are their property and treat them as such will ever change. I doubt it’s easy to acknowledge that you were raised incorrectly and with beliefs that harm others and rob them of their autonomy, never mind one’s reluctance to cede that authority when you’ve been programmed to believe that it’s your god given right.

You don’t have to live like that, or allow your children to grow up believing that a wife is a slave to her husband, required to obey his command and expected to accept discipline when they fail. Remember that the rule of thumb came from a husband’s legal right to beat his wife with an object as long as it wasn’t wider than his thumb. I left a man who doused me in water and locked me out of our home overnight during the winter.

It was a punishment because I’d burned dinner while trying to care for our son and study for my nursing finals. I later came to understand that part of his intent was to sabotage my attempt at a career, despite our needing the money, because it would have meant that he’d lose control over if I wasn’t fully dependent on him. Leave before it gets worse. You’re not the a**hole, you’re not being unreasonable and you deserve better. So do your children.

amt-plants − Don’t CPAPs need to be dry and cleaned every day otherwise they grow bacteria and can kill you?? My significant other uses one he takes care of it solely. At night when he’s setting it back up before I go to bed(I go to sleep before him) he will always turn down my side of the bed so I can climb right in. 🩵

KetoLurkerHereAgain − The fact that you even have to ask means he has you worn down and I bet there are dozens more examples of how he expects everyone in that house to cater to him and only him.. What are you getting out of this?. NTA

Kittynizzles − Makes me think he doesn't clean his cpap either 😬

CrabbiestAsp − NTA. Man, I'm lazy, but I'm not that lazy. Like, who the f**k can't even be bothered to put their own medical equipment away. It is his equipment, it is not your responsibility.

Basic_Dig1720 − NTA. Your husband is a grown man, and his CPAP is **his** responsibility. It’s not fair for him to expect you to babysit his stuff while he refuses to do a simple daily task. Locking you and the kids out of the bedroom is just plain selfish and controlling—it’s your space too! He needs to take care of his own things instead of making life harder for everyone else. **Buddy, you lock me out of our bedroom, and I can guarantee it will be MY bedroom only PDQ.**

Appropriate_Sky_6571 − I hate to be that redditor but what are you getting out of this marriage. What as asshat

Bluebells7788 − NTA *

Sistamama − Once, when I asked my husband to put away his bicycle so the hoursekeeper could easily clean his office, he agreed, but then forgot to do it. I came home from work to the bicycle still in his office. I rolled that bike through the house to the garage (where it belonged) and sat it down carefully in his parking place. He then had to stop his car in the driveway, get out, move the bike, and then park. He did not do it again. Of course, my husband is a reasonable man and not a selfish p**ck like this guy.

This wife’s refusal to play CPAP keeper isn’t about one hose—it’s a stand for fairness in a marriage tilting toward one man’s convenience. By demanding she lose bedroom access, her husband’s drawn a line that feels more like a lock than love. Can they redraw the chore map to share the load, or is this a sign of deeper cracks? What would you do if your spouse made your home feel less like yours? Drop your thoughts—let’s sort out this marital mess!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *