AITA for going to a “family” event that my sister was not invited to after she bailed on a funeral?

The air hung heavy with unspoken loyalties, like a family photo album flipped open to a torn page. A woman stood at a crossroads, her heart tethered to two families—one by blood, one by choice. Her sister’s refusal to attend a cherished father figure’s funeral sent shockwaves through their adopted clan, and now an invitation to their big summer bash arrived with her sister’s name missing. When she vowed to go anyway, voices rose, and Reddit lit up with opinions.

This isn’t just about picking sides—it’s a tangle of love, duty, and the sting of consequences. The woman’s caught between honoring a family who lifted her up and a sister who’s nursing her own wounds. It’s the kind of mess that feels like a tightrope walk over a backyard barbecue, and everyone’s watching. Let’s unpack her story and see where the heart lands.

‘AITA for going to a “family” event that my sister was not invited to after she bailed on a funeral?’

My bio family really sucks, my sister and I became close to one of our friends ( Beth) and her family basically adopted us. They were our rock when our lives sucked with our own parents. They helped put us through college and I do consider them my parents. The problem started earlier this year.

Beths dad passed away and it was a bad time for everyone. Funerals are a huge deal in their family. If you don't go to the funeral it is considered a f**k you to the dead and the family. My sister has a fear of the dead, she refused to go to the funeral. I tried to get her to go but she still refused.

The day came and went and they did not take it well. Beth's mom really didn't take it well, and basically banned her for my her home. Her words that he gave so much to her and she basically spat in his face by not going. Basically everyone in the family is pissed at her. She has not been invited to the home and got kicked out when she showed up once.

They have a big family reunion in July each year. We both have been going for years but this year she did not get an invite. She called me up and asked me to not go. I told her that I plan on going even though she is not invited. We got into an argument and she thinks I am huge jerk for going and I pointed out that she knew they would not take it well that she didn't go to the funeral

Talk about a family reunion with more drama than a potluck running low on pie. The woman’s stuck in a loyalty pickle—her sister bailed on a funeral that meant everything to their chosen family, and now she’s persona non grata. Choosing to attend the reunion feels like a betrayal to her sister, but skipping it risks her own ties to a family she loves.

Grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “Funerals are a way to honor connection, and absence can feel like rejection” (source: Center for Loss). The sister’s fear of death is real—phobias affect 10% of people, per the NIH (source: National Institute of Mental Health). But her no-show, without explanation, hit a raw nerve for a family where funerals are sacred. The woman’s not wrong to keep her bond tight, but her sister’s hurt runs deep too.

This taps a bigger issue: chosen families and clashing values. About 20% of adults lean on non-bio kin for support, but rituals vary (source: Pew Research). Dr. Wolfelt might suggest the sister apologize or visit privately to mend fences. For the woman, attending with grace—maybe vouching for her sister’s regret—could ease tension. Readers, is she picking the right family, or leaving her sister in the dust?

Wolfelt’s wisdom points to dialogue: the sister needs to own her choice, and the family could soften if she shows remorse. The woman’s wise to nurture her ties but might nudge her sister toward a peace offering. What’s your take—can this family stitch itself back together?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s posse rolled in like they’re judging a chili cook-off, slinging hot takes with a side of heart. It’s a lively huddle—some wave pom-poms for the woman’s choice, others toss shade at the sister’s absence. Here’s the scoop from the crowd, spicy and unfiltered:

AgnarCrackenhammer − NTA. No one likes going to funerals, but given how much Beth's dad did for you and your sister I agree with Beth's family. It was the bare minimum she could've done as a final sign of respect and she bailed. She can now deal with the consequences of her actions

sanguinepsychologist − INFO: was there a way to compromise ? Did your sister have an opportunity to come pay her respects after the funeral was over ? Because I have a crippling fear of death and funerals, but I would be the first waiting at the door of the house to comfort and pay my respects to the living afterwards.

imyourkidnotyourmom − Info: what does “fear of the dead” mean to you? There’s a huge range between “ick, a dead body” and vomiting in the corner while having nightmares for a month. Both could be described as a fear of the dead. 

yulia_fridman − NTA. Her fear of funerals or what ever it is shouldnt be more important than the people who took her in and treated her like family. The effort beth's father put in is way more than the effort she wouldve made by going despite her fears. And you shouldnt let that affect you. Its her choice to not go. She needs to deal with it by herself

buttercupgrump − NTA. Your sister knew how important the funeral would be for Beth's family. She also knew the family wanted her there. She chose not to attend, thus damaging her relationship with them. It's unfair to expect you to damage your own relationship with the people you consider family.

Could your sister have stayed in the back and not approached the casket? I don't do well with dead bodies. I broke down when a relative tried to get me to go look at my grandma's body during her funeral. However, I'm fine if I keep some distance.

realSharkyFinn − NTA. I don't know if you're willing to do it, but it might help if you tell your sister that while there, you'll explain to family members that she didn't mean any disrespect, but that she was an emotional wreck and she really struggles with funerals - and then follow through on that.

SoImaRedditUserNow − NTA - this seems very preventable. e.g. Your sister, prior to the funeral, going to the family and talking to them about this. Your sister fucked up and apparently burnt a bridge. That sucks. but she should have been an adult and at the very LEAST came and talked to them. Had they stiffarmed her and didn't bother to listen, well... that would be a different story.

Given the level of compassion they showed for taking the both of you in, I'd given decent enough odds they would have understood, and been able to talk through it. As is stands, she did nothing, and they (correctly) see that she did nothing. She doesn't want to stand alone, but that is nothing to do with you. You're in a tough position, but it would have been insulting had you not.

Confident_Macaron_15 − NTA - it’s your sister and the family’s job to repair the relationship, not yours. And this isn’t about taking sides - the conflict is between them.

rbrancher2 − NTA. I once went to a funeral where someone was similarly phobic. Their solution? Go early and hang out in their car so that the family knew they did their best.

jasperjamboree − Funerals aren’t ever easy or comfortable, especially if it’s for someone with whom you were close to and served as a family figure. With all the years that this family supported her, her absence feels like she didn’t want to be there to finally reciprocate the support that has been given to her.

Did she expect this family to welcome her back as if nothing happened and she could just carry on the illusion of having a happy family? Instead of just losing one parental figure, she ended up losing her entire chosen family and support system. Those are the consequences of her actions.

The phrase, “Misery loves company” comes to mind with her requests of you declining the invite. She doesn’t just want you to decline, she probably wants you to turn your back on them like they did with her. That’s not your problem, that’s hers since she’s too proud to have a conversation and admit what she did was incredibly hurtful to them. NTA

These folks are serving up truth bombs and tough love, some cheering her loyalty, others poking at what “fear” really means. But are they catching the full picture, or just grilling the sister for sport? One thing’s clear—this family feud’s got Reddit buzzing like a wasp at a picnic. What’s your call on this reunion ruckus?

This story’s a bittersweet slice of life—family ties stretched thin by one missed goodbye. The woman’s holding tight to a clan that saved her, but her sister’s plea echoes like a ghost at the gate. It’s not just about a party; it’s about who you call home when the world shifts. Ever had to choose between two loves that don’t mix? What would you do when family feels like a fork in the road? Drop your thoughts—let’s sort this tangle together.

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