AITA for telling my husband to stop spending so much money on his dead girlfriend’s younger sister?

Picture a cozy living room, kids’ toys scattered like confetti, and a couple’s quiet evening about to hit a speed bump. A woman, belly round with her fourth child, glances at her husband, a man she adores—until the topic of his wallet comes up. He’s been pouring money into his late girlfriend’s younger sister, treating her like family, and now plans a wedding and a house as gifts. Her heart sinks, not from jealousy, but from a nagging fear: where does their growing brood fit in?

This Reddit tale isn’t just a spat over cash—it’s a tug-of-war between love, loyalty, and limits. When she called him out, sparks flew, and now she’s wondering if she’s the bad guy. It’s the kind of story that hooks you, stirring up questions about family and fairness that linger like a half-finished coffee. Let’s dive into her world and see what’s brewing.

‘AITA for telling my husband to stop spending so much money on his dead girlfriend’s younger sister?’

I (28F) have been with my husband (34M) for almost a decade. We have three children (6F, 3M, 2F) together, and we are currently expecting our fourth child. He is an amazing father to our kids and I couldn't ask for a better husband. He also has a very close friendship with his late girlfriend's younger sister “Clara” (20F).

17 years ago, my husband's girlfriend, who was also his childhood best friend, passed away at only 15 years old, in an accident that my husband survived. My husband has known Clara since she was a baby and he treats her like his own little sister. Her family had a lot of financial problems, while my husband has a very high earning career.

He says he felt guilty letting her struggle while he has all this money he doesn’t use. Clara's home life was very dysfunctional, especially after her mom went to prison, and she views my husband as a kind of father figure. He always attended her dance recitals, school plays, and sports events.

He brings her along to our family vacations. She visits our place at least once a week, often staying overnight, and our guest bedroom has pretty much become her bedroom now. He's spend a lot of money on her. Any gift she wanted, he would buy for her no matter how much it cost, like electronics, jewelry and designer clothes.

He bought her a car for her 16th birthday, even when she hadn’t gotten her license yet. He paid for her to have custom made dresses for both of her proms. He was extremely supportive of Clara during her pregnancy, paying for her daughters (3F) expenses and helping Clara look after her.

He paid for all her college tuition, school supplies, as well as her living costs. Recently, Clara got engaged, and my husband told me he wanted to help pay for the wedding and buy her her own house as a wedding present. I said this was getting out of hand.

I understand that he feels guilty over surviving the accident that killed his girlfriend, but we've got a lot of expenses coming up with the new baby. He says he sees Clara as part of our family and he can afford to take care of her as well as our kids.

I said that it was sweet how much he cared about her, but he shouldn't be prioritizing Clara's needs over his actual family. He says that he's not taking care of her out of obligation or guilt, but because he's developed a genuine bond with her, and there's no reason he shouldn't use his own wealth to help her out.. AITA?

Talk about a wallet with a heart of gold—this Reddit saga’s a doozy. The wife’s staring down a husband who’s practically Santa Claus to Clara, his late girlfriend’s sister, while their own kids’ future looms. He sees it as love, not obligation, but her worry’s real: is he spreading their resources too thin? It’s a classic clash of big-heartedness versus family-first math.

Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown says, “Boundaries are about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” (source: Brené Brown). The wife’s not wrong to draw a line—her kids’ needs are multiplying, and a 2022 study shows 70% of parents stress over college costs alone (source: Sallie Mae). His bond with Clara’s sweet, but survivor’s guilt might be whispering louder than logic.

The broader issue? Blurred family roles. About 25% of adults support non-relatives financially, often sparking tension (source: Pew Research). Brown might nudge him to teach Clara independence, not bankroll her life—maybe a wedding gift, not the whole shebang. For the wife, a calm budget talk could reset priorities. Readers, is her concern selfish, or is his generosity a step too far?

Dr. Brown’s take suggests balance: love Clara, but anchor the family first. A financial planner could help them map out kids’ funds versus Clara’s windfalls. Therapy might untangle his guilt too. What’s your call—how do you split a heart this big without breaking it?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew jumped in like it’s a family reunion with free pie—everyone’s got a slice of advice and a side of sass. It’s a lively debate, part cheer squad, part budget hawk, all hashing out where love meets dollars. Here’s the hot takes from the crowd, served with a wink:

Famous_Specialist_44 − I guess if you all have stacks of cash and there is money gathering dust and your kids are set for life and it's his money then he can do whatever he likes because it doesn't financially negatively impact you. If however the money he spends is needed and you and your kids miss out because of his generosity then he shouldn't be gifting it.. I can't judge because I don't know how wealthy you are. 

[Reddit User] − OP, Part of being a parent is teaching a child how to stand independently and to save for her goals. Your husband needs to take a big step back. Maybe CONRIBUTE towards her wedding with a cash gift and provide a down payment on a house but she will never learn how to manage her money if he keeps giving her massive hand outs.

Truly. The kindest thing he could do now is to stop fully financing her life and to begin working with her, teaching her how to manage money properly. THAT is what will give her the single best shot at a bright future (beyond starting life without student loans).

Buying her a house will rob her of the joy of being a self sufficient adult. A down payment as a gift is one thing but he absolutely can not co-sign her loan or pay for the house outright without robbing her of becoming a fully independent adult.

YeiCortez01 −

But this charity needs to be cut off once she is married as she will be partners with her own husband. And he should not be supporting her child for another 20 years; in other words, do not let that get started.. NTA.

Reasonable-Sale8611 − How much extra wealth are we talking about here? If his paying for Clara's wedding means that you won't, as a family, be able to save for your own children to go to college, or for their future weddings, or for your own retirement, then you probably need to start putting in some boundaries. And, unless he comes from more or less unlimited wealth, then his spending on Clara is probably affecting what you as a couple save for your children. I would not be ok with that, personally.

No-Professional4041 − It sounds like he in fact DOES have survivors guilt and DOES feel like he owes this to her in some form or fashion. What he has done for this girl is above and beyond what anyone would do for someone who wasn’t their partner or child. One can appreciate him sharing his wreath but…where do you draw the line?

I guess more info is needed on your financial situation, are y’all set for life? If something happens to ur husband or his job would you have more than enough money to live comfortably until you die? Are YOUR kids colleges already paid for? If this is affecting your finances in any way then I can understand your concern. But it’s too hard to really say without more info.

[Reddit User] − Not an a**hole. Buy her a house?? I mean he could cut her a generous check as a wedding gift but she’s is going to be a married woman and her husband needs to start taking care of her just like your husband needs to start focusing on you and your family.

genescheesesthatplz − Info: is he actually able to help her out comfortably? Are your finances solid? Would it impact his ability to support your family?

Is-this-rabbit − Survivors guilt. He could use therapy.

Glamonster − INFO: Who is the father of her child?

Super-Staff3820 − NAH. I’m curious if he is responsible for the accident that killed his girlfriend and he’s doing this out of guilt or feels he owes the family something. Same as previous comments, I think if he can afford to help her, it’s very kind and generous but if he’s putting your family out to help her, he needs to rein it in a bit.

Can he consider gifting specific aspects of the wedding or money towards a down payment on a home? I don’t think he should necessarily pay for all of it just bc he can. But he can help her be successful in other ways that isn’t flat out paying for her entire existence.

Start a college fund for her child. Show her how to make financially sound decisions with her own money. I think he does it out of some sort of sense of obligation, either extreme guilt or something else is up…it’s hard to say.

These folks are dishing hard truths and raised eyebrows, some saluting his kindness, others waving red flags at his checkbook. But are they nailing the balance between heart and home, or just tossing shade for fun? One thing’s sure—this money talk’s got Reddit buzzing like a cash register. What’s your two cents on this spending spree?

This story’s a real head-scratcher—a husband’s open heart clashing with a wife’s open eyes, all while a new baby’s on the way. It’s not just about money; it’s about where you draw the family line when someone’s not quite kin but feels like it. She’s stuck wondering if love can stretch that far without snapping. Ever had to nudge someone to put their own house first? What would you do when generosity feels like a gamble? Spill your thoughts—let’s sort this out together.

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