Update 3 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?

In a family where love once wove tight bonds, the air now hums with unease. A single spark—refusing a confession—has ignited a firestorm, leaving scars on hearts and doubts in minds. Grandma’s laughter, once the soundtrack of gatherings, now carries a bittersweet edge, lifted by a teenager’s loyalty but weighed by a grandson’s betrayal. The OP, caught in the crossfire, watches as her choice ripples through cousins, siblings, and parents, reshaping ties that once seemed unbreakable.

What started as a wedding demand from Luke’s fiancée, Emma, has morphed into a saga of blame and redemption. As the family navigates half-truths and hard truths, the question looms: can they find peace before the wedding bells ring, or will resentment silence them? Readers lean in, curious if love can stitch this fractured clan back together.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post , update 1 , update2

‘Update 3 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?’

I want to start this by saying that Grandma is in better spirits now. I am o**rwhelmed by the amount of people supporting her and very grateful for it even if it's online. I have talked about this on some chats and dms but please know the situation with Emma is not about her being parentified or her family being strict Catholics, it's just her being her.

They were already going to get premarital counseling, an extra was added. Oh, all cousins also don't live in the same city or town, some are a bit longer than others but we keep in touch through the chat. The reason for the update is mainly to let people know Grandma is ok, her health is fine, and she had a blast with my cousin Sara.

I also want to update on what has happened with the cousins and the maternal side of our family. Some of our paternal cousins, from Grandma's side, have relented and feel a bit bad on excluding Luke from things so the compromise was met on 'he can be invited to everything, just don't force people to interact'. These cousins are mainly on the older side and have soft spots for the youngsters.

My youngest cousin, Sara, said she was ok with it all but she wanted them to keep him away from her since she can't stand him anymore. Our maternal side was a shitshow, because of course we need one. Some of them were very upset but others told me I should try to understand where he was coming from.

My Mom was the one that told them everything and some told her she is at fault for making Robert the 'star' of the family. This was so uncalled for but brought some issues in my family, particularly when one of my maternal cousins asked me if I could behave enough if I am seated at the same table as Luke for his wedding.

It makes us doubt ourselves but really, this is a cousin that Robert has bailed from almost brankruptcy 2 times and he's the problem? I haven't said much about my sister 'Lucy' since she voiced nothing different before, she was always very close to Luke and even had a great relationship with Emma before the debacle. She decided to be out of it because she was so disappointed.

While she was never made to babysit or anything like that she was always so into Luke since he was her baby brother, she loved him the most and I know that because she literally told me when I was a kid. We have a good relationship now because her kids are my buddies but it was rough for a while before that.

She was upset about the whole thing but when our maternal family, or at least a part, started excusing Luke she lost it. She is a very calm person, the type you don't expect a bad word out of, but she lost it and I think it was the last straw on the cold bucket for Luke. She sent a massive message about what has been happening, detailing every single thing, and daring people to kind of 'come at her' if they disagreed.

She made sure to include every single n**ty thing, every bad word, every eye roll. She sent it to so many people because she was tired of the half information telephone game. She is upset at me because my refusals made this happen and she said she knows she shouldn't but she needs time to fix her feelings so she is not speaking with me right now. My parents decided they were out of the wedding and told Luke he is on his own.

There was never a monetary issue, they were willing to contribute but both Luke and Emma are pretty well off and was no need for that. Now to what maybe most people want to know and the only conflict I am interested about anymore. My Grandma is feeling better, Sara being with her was very positive. It was lovely to see the eldest and youngest of our family so in tune but then again they have always been.

She requested that Sara invited Luke to her birthday party (December) and after a lot of back and forward he is going to be invited. We will see if he comes or not. A small parenthesis, I showed my grandma the joke of the knife, sword, etc, she was so giddy. Thank you I mentioned before that Robert would pick up Sara if she needed,

it is still true, what I might have not mentioned is that she of course gets a weird lecture from him and an even weirder lecture on how he rates certain drugs. lol As I said, he is no saint, but he is not a s**t either. Lastly, yes he has photos even with my sister or me in the new born wall. People loved to take pics of him holding the new family members and he collected them and put them together when he got his own house.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

The family’s turmoil reads like a classic case of misdirected blame, with Luke and Emma’s wedding demands exposing fault lines long ignored. The OP’s refusal to confess wasn’t the cause—it was a catalyst, unearthing Luke’s resentment and the family’s uneven loyalties. Lucy’s outburst, while clarifying, shows how pain can fracture even the closest bonds when truth comes late.

Sibling dynamics often carry hidden tensions. A 2024 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found 55% of adult siblings report unresolved conflicts tied to perceived favoritism (tandfonline.com). Luke’s narrative—painting Robert as the “star”—echoes this, suggesting he feels overshadowed. Emma’s influence may amplify his grievances, but his choice to lash out owns the damage.

Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on family stress, says, “Ambiguous loss—like losing trust—hurts because it’s hard to mourn” (paulineboss.com). The OP’s guilt and Lucy’s distance reflect this, as they grapple with a family shifting underfoot. For the OP, supporting Grandma’s healing—perhaps with a cousins’ gathering—could anchor them. Luke needs introspection, ideally through therapy, to own his role. Readers, how do you heal when family feels like a battlefield?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community continues to be vocal about the unfolding events. Many express relief at the news of Grandma’s improving health and the positive impact of her bond with cousin Sara, with several users applauding the resilience and warmth she brings to the family.

Others, however, remain sharply critical of Luke’s ongoing behavior and his apparent disregard for the needs of the collective. Comments range from sympathetic support for the family’s efforts to mediate the situation to outright calls for Luke to acknowledge his role in the persistent conflicts.

[Reddit User] − How did we go from

Dachshundmom5 − So, the guy everyone counts on to clean up their assorted messes is the one everyone is going to d**p all over? Hope he's taking notes. Time for him to stop being the family fixer. They don't get to treat him badly and then expect him to bail them out of bankruptcy or come running when needed. Also, hope everyone is paying attention. If you crucify the family

At least the parts willing to blame the good guy and not the person at fault. Those sticking up for Robert and standing up to the AHs are doing what one is supposed to do. You hold a mirror to the bad behavior to hope they get it together. You don't d**p all over the family fixer. Wonder how the nut job and your sibling plan to explain to the priest that his parents won't attend the wedding and the rest of the family is firmly in the maybe to nope category?

Chocolatecandybar_ − Sitting here, waiting for when the cousin will need to be bailed a third time

wlfwrtr − Glad sister set everything straight with everyone. She sounds like the one person who could do it due to her close relationship with both Luke and Emma. She is wrong about your refusals making this happen however.

It was Luke and Emma's mindset that since you looked younger that you should have been giving them the respect of an elder and doing as they said. Which you refused to do since you are really the older one, rightly so. They were not understanding that the church wouldn't want you to as they asked.

Swiss_Miss_77 − I am happy for this update, because we know Grandma Gem is okay (sorry, I just keep thinking of her that way, like a sparkling diamond of love). I was worried about her. I feel bad for Robert and kinda want to adopt him too now. I could handle more family like him.

Fire_or_water_kai − Grandma deserves all the love. Robert sounds awesome. The rest of your family gives me soooo much pause. At least you're taking it in stride and you're down two dumpster fires and a partridge in a pear tree.. I expect there will be tea after grandma's party. Updateme!

mommacrossx3 − Is anyone else at this point hoping the priest won't marry the. happy couple?

ChrisInBliss − ... happy grandma is ok.. still all this sucks for Robert. Dude did so much.. to be treated like garbage and since hes so far removed some of that toxicity is just being taken out on you.

AdMurky1021 − Alright, here's the plan: Everyone goes to the wedding. And when the priest asks if anybody disagrees with this union, the whole family stands up and walks out of the church without saying a word.

Ikfactor − Glad your Grandma is in better spirits. The fact Luke is still going around misrepresenting the situation is ugh. Your sister trying to deflect you for being responsible makes me side eye her. Her sort of blaming anyone but him is probably why he felt he could pull this s**t to begin with 

This family’s saga is a raw reminder that love can bend but also break under pressure. Grandma’s smile is a beacon, but Luke’s shadow looms large, challenging bonds that once held firm. The OP stands at a crossroads, balancing guilt with resolve. What would you do if a family fight left you questioning who’s left in your corner? Spill your stories—have you faced a feud that reshaped your clan? Let’s dive in!

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