AITA For Saying No to Watching Kids While Ex-Wife Dates?

The air felt thick with unspoken tension in their once-shared home, where the hum of routine now carried a bittersweet edge. A man, caught between duty and discomfort, stood firm as his soon-to-be ex-wife asked for a favor that stung: babysitting their kids in the house he still paid for, while she stepped out to explore new romances. It’s a scene that tugs at the heart—parenting through a divorce, where every choice feels like a tightrope walk over raw emotions.

Divorce reshapes families, but it’s the small moments—like this one—that spark big questions. How do you balance fairness with personal boundaries when kids are involved? His refusal wasn’t just about a night; it was about reclaiming a piece of himself amid a life in flux. Readers might feel the weight of his dilemma, wondering where loyalty ends and self-respect begins in the messy aftermath of love.

‘AITA For Saying No to Watching Kids While Ex-Wife Dates?’

My wife and I have been separated for 5 months, divorce almost final and we don’t really have any major issues. Only problem is I moved out with friends as we didn’t have the combined income to support two houses for the kids.

I take both kids to sleepover my parents with me 3 nights a month so she can have a break and do her own thing and I literally do 50% of the parenting literally every day of the week except Fridays, I just take care of them in “her” home. She started asking me to stay at the house weekend evenings so she can go out, she’s clearly going out on dates while I stay home with the kids.

I told her I was not comfortable with this and she needs to get a babysitter if she’s going on dates outside of my scheduled time with the kids. I am giving her the house, still paying the mortgage, and I moved out with friends. 3 days per week I go to the house, get them ready for school and drop them off, and I pick them up and put them to bed those same days.

The 3 overnights a month is all I can do until I get my own place and that will be very soon, just a lot of expenses for me to cover. Am I a jerk for drawing this boundary? It’s not fun being inside your own home, watching your ex wife get dolled up for her date, and then waiting for her to come home so I can leave. Isn’t it kind of rude to ask your still husband to provide childcare in your own home so you can go on a date? We aren’t even divorced yet.

Navigating co-parenting during a divorce can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. This dad’s story highlights a common tension: balancing kids’ needs with personal boundaries. He’s juggling 50% of parenting duties, paying the mortgage, and living with friends, yet his ex-wife’s request to babysit for her dates pushed a sore spot. It’s less about the task and more about the emotional toll—watching her move on in their shared space stings.

The clash here is clear. He values fairness, splitting parenting evenly, but feels her ask crosses a line, implying he’s a convenience rather than a co-parent. She might see it as practical—why hire a sitter when he’s available? Both perspectives stem from their new reality: untangling lives while keeping kids first. Divorce often blurs lines, making boundaries tough but necessary.

This situation mirrors a broader issue: how divorce reshapes roles. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, clear co-parenting boundaries reduce stress for parents and kids (apa.org). Without them, resentment festers. Setting limits, like he did, isn’t selfish—it’s survival.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Respect and trust are the foundation of any partnership, even after it ends” (gottman.com). Here, respect means honoring each other’s new paths. The dad’s boundary protects his dignity, signaling he’s not a fallback option. Gottman’s lens suggests both parents need mutual respect to co-parent well.

For solutions, communication is key. They could agree on neutral childcare plans, like sitters for non-scheduled times, to avoid hurt feelings. He might also prioritize his own place sooner, easing logistical strain. Readers, what’s your take—how would you handle this delicate dance of divorce and dating?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s got no shortage of spicy takes, and this story lit up the comment section like a family BBQ gone wild. Here’s what the community had to say, unfiltered and ready to stir the pot:

WanderingMadmanRedux − Dating while not divorced... and asking you to stay at the marital house while she does it. That's a big nope.

CandylandCanada − Don't do this, even once. Wait for it - she will call you selfish, possibly say that you are a bad parent and be unreasonable. That train is never late. You teach people how to treat you. Both of you need to learn how to navigate this new phase.

If you don't want grief down the road, then establish rules now, stick to them, and force her to stick to them. It will be better for the kids, too, to know that there are standards of expected conduct for everyone in the family. You will have a hard time getting kids to do their chores if they see mom not contributing to the household and doing as she pleases.

Awkward-Resident-379 − Say yes but the kids stay at your house. I did this and ended up with the kid most of the week until she met the “wrong” guy now I have my son full time and she’s no where to be found. If dating is important to her than you need to fight for your kids time and get them as much of the time as you can ask your parents if they can help. when she goes out you yes yup I’ll pick them up after school and they can sleep over

jgjg23 − I am with the kids 6 days per week, I take care of both of them by myself 4 days per day and we split the one 2. I just don’t have a place to sleep with them yet and I’m letting my wife keep the house. I spend more time with the kids than she does just to clarify

ishtar_888 − Hello people 👋🏼. Did anyone read his entire post? You're focusing on OP three nights out of the month - but did you not read where he goes over THREE times a week getting them ready for school, picking them up from school and getting them ready for bed, Et.

He moved out and left his ex-wife and kids the house, even still paying the mortgage, and cannot afford his own place to have over his kids.. Said that will change when he gets his own place. OP - does your soon-to-be ex-wife work? I'm asking because you're paying the mortgage and I wonder why she also isn't doing.

And I'm not sure where child support comes in, and if you're paying that too - along with paying the mortgage. My concern is that she's already out regularly dating instead of focusing on the kids. And I would say the same thing to you if you shared that you are dating.

When parents divorce I think there should be a break from any other relationships for a minimum of a year for the kids stability. It's a nightmare when people get into relationships too soon with people that don't always care about about the kids and/or have their own kids which can cause even more stress and upheaval.

LessDeliciousPoop − why aren't you selling the house, splitting the money and both renting (or figuring out your own living situations)... it's getting way too common for men to do ANYTHING to keep the peace including outright giving away of property... it's crazy

teresajs − You have no responsibility to watch the kids in her abode while she goes out. I highly recommend that you get a consultation with a good divorce attorney.  Because it sounds like you may be being the a**hole to yourself by

Bfan72 − You are paying the mortgage and taking the kids back and forth to school every week. She can come up with the money for a babysitter. She doesn’t pay for childcare at least 3 days a week. She’s being ridiculous. NTA

DC011132 − Living between a friends spare room and your parents doesn’t sound that much fun. Don’t know why your getting divorced but watching you ex go out all dolled up and then waiting for her to return sounds even less fun. At least she hasn’t brought a date back with her yet. Good luck for the future.

1youngblood4 − Some people should read the post again, he stated due to his living arrangements that 3 times a month is what he can do until he gets his own place, then things will change.

These Redditors aren’t holding back, but are their hot takes the full picture? Maybe there’s more to unpack here than meets the eye.

This dad’s stand wasn’t just about one night—it was about carving out space for himself in a life turned upside down. Divorce is messy, and co-parenting can feel like a tug-of-war between duty and self-care. His story reminds us that boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges to healthier relationships, even after love fades. What would you do if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this conversation going.

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