WIBTA for refusing to pay for my hair to be done for a friends upcoming wedding?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a cozy coffee shop buzzing with pre-wedding chatter, where a 27-year-old bridesmaid sips her latte, mentally tallying her expenses for her friend’s big day. Dresses, shoes, jewelry—her wallet’s already taken a hit. Now, a last-minute bombshell: the bride’s booked professional hair styling for all six bridesmaids, demanding $150 each for simple curls. The catch? It’s “non-negotiable,” even for those scraping by. Her heart sinks, caught between loyalty and her bank account’s cries for mercy.

This isn’t just about curls—it’s a tug-of-war between friendship and fairness. As tensions bubble days before the vows, she wonders if standing her ground makes her the villain. Readers might feel her pinch: weddings are joyful, but who foots the bill when budgets clash with expectations? Her dilemma sets the stage for a story that’s equal parts relatable and ripe for debate.

‘WIBTA for refusing to pay for my hair to be done for a friends upcoming wedding?’

I (27f) am a bridesmaid in my friends upcoming wedding (less than a week away). This wedding is very small and a budget wedding (not judging, it's not my day I'm just painting a picture). The bride has 6 bridesmaids, we have pretty much paid for everything ourselves. The bride has contributed $100 towards our dresses and paid for any alterations required but we have paid the rest.

Shoes, bag, jewellery etc have all been funded by myself (and yes there was a requirement for colour/style). We are all doing our own make-up for the day and up until recently I assumed our own hair too. The bride would like soft curls which I am very capable of doing. I recently found out that the bride has booked us in for our hair to be done professionally on the day and that we are expected to pay for it.

It's going to cost us each $150 for soft curls. Another bridesmaid who is currently unemployed contacted her about not getting her hair done and doing it herself (again very capable of doing soft curls and did her own wedding hair) as she does not have $150 spare right now around Christmas time. The brides response to this was that

I am of the belief that if i am paying for it, it is absolutely negotiable. This has now cause a bit of tension right before the wedding because a few of us really don't want to pay the money and are a little peeved that it was booked and decided before asking us if we even wanted it. Also considering what we have already paid for this wedding.

Bride is insisting and we are trying to negotiate ways around it beyond just flat out refusing but it's not going great. A few people I have spoken to have been shocked that us bridesmaids have been made to pay for anything wedding related at all.

And some others have said that I agreed to all of this when I agreed to be a bridesmaid (wasn't actually asked but that's another story). I've never been an a bridal party so i don't actually know whats

Weddings can turn even the sweetest friendships into a budgeting battlefield. The bridesmaid’s hesitation to shell out $150 for curls isn’t stinginess—it’s a stand for autonomy. The bride’s “non-negotiable” stance ignores her friends’ realities, like the unemployed bridesmaid who’s already stretched thin. Meanwhile, the bride’s $100 dress contribution feels like a drop in the bucket against the mounting costs of shoes, bags, and now hair.

This clash taps into a wider issue: wedding etiquette in a cash-strapped era. A 2024 WeddingWire survey found 60% of bridesmaids feel pressured to overspend, with average costs hitting $1,200 (weddingwire.com). The bride’s insistence risks alienating her crew, especially when soft curls are a DIY breeze for many.

Etiquette expert Elaine Swann advises, “If a bride wants a specific look, she should cover the cost or make it optional” (elaineswann.com). Here, the bride’s oversight—booking without consent—breaks that rule. Swann’s take suggests flexibility could’ve saved the day, letting bridesmaids opt out without drama.

For solutions, communication is key. The bridesmaids could propose a group chat to calmly explain their budgets, offering to DIY the curls to match the vision. If the bride holds firm, Swann suggests politely bowing out if costs become untenable. Readers, how would you handle a bride’s pricey demands? Let’s talk fairness in the comments.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to wedding drama, and this thread’s bursting with zingers. Here’s what the internet had to say: These spicy opinions are Reddit at its finest—half cheering, half scheming. But do they nail the vibe, or are they just tossing glitter on a budget bust?

FaelingJester − Honestly I suspect she found a stylist willing to do Bride's expensive hair/makeup for free if she had the costs covered by doing six soft curls for $150 each. She can't let any of you back out because that money is really going towards her stuff.

LowBalance4404 − The brides response to this was that

gfdoctor − NTA. Even a bride cannot spend your money without your agreement.. It sounds like multiple bridesmaids do not want to spend this sum at this time.. Together they should tell the bride that they are not willing to spend this money.. The bride should pick up this cost or give up her requirement

SL8Rgirl − NTA.. If you do cave and pay for it, tell her that’s her wedding gift.

gingerlady9 − NTA- If a bride has a specific vision and requirements, she should be paying for it. It's normal for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, but not the accessories if they have to be specific. It's not normal for a bride to require a hair or makeup appointment and make the maids pay for it. At all.

I'm a bride with a wedding coming up, and I'm offering to pay for hair and makeup for my maids if they want it done, but also allowing them to do it themselves if they feel comfortable enough to have it the way I am asking (up in low bun if they have long hair, or styled neatly for those who have short hair).

I did talk to those who have brightly colored hair and they are willing to have their color refreshed the week before the wedding and said they would pay for it themselves. I am gifting them necklaces, but their shoes are whatever they want (within color scheme), and they are paying for them. I don't even care if they've already been worn (their dresses are floor length).

I want my girls to be comfortable, especially since my MOH just told me she's pregnant and due the month after my wedding 😅. You're not being unreasonable. You can style your hair well and some people honestly can't afford $150. That's ridiculous. You say this is a budget bride, but she isn't. Budget brides don't make anyone else pay outlandish fees like this for their wedding.

Grammie1439 − I would refuse. In this economy, she's asking too much. I would couch it delicately.

Lacroix24601 − NTA. She’s a bride, not your boss or your mom. She can’t demand you spend money on hair or makeup. Just tell her no, you won’t be doing that. She wants to pout, that’s a her problem. The weddings I’ve been in, I paid everything myself but I was never forced to do hair and makeup (it was offered as an option but not a demand) Also soft curls as so easy to do. I’m useless with hair and even I can do it with my automatic curler. $150 for that style is outrageous.

ActivitySensitive901 − NTA. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding. While I paid 100% of the costs associated with the wedding (dress, shoes, hair, and makeup), she did give us the option of using different hair dressers or makeup artists or doing it ourselves.

Any_Answer9689 − A small wedding with 6 bridesmaids? A $150 fee for getting hair styled is not a budget wedding - at least for the bridesmaids. She is definitely getting her hair done for free if 6 bridesmaids are paying that much.. NTA for saying no.

Walk-Fragrant − I bet she needs you all to pay so she is free. Also that is a crazy amount for hair for one day.

This bridesmaid’s tale spins a web of loyalty, budgets, and unspoken rules. Was the bride’s hair mandate a power move, or just a vision gone awry? The standoff leaves us pondering where friendship ends and fairness begins. With the wedding looming, the bridesmaid’s choice—pay up or push back—could ripple through their bond. Weddings sparkle, but they shouldn’t bankrupt the squad. What would you do if a bride’s dream outpriced your wallet? Drop your thoughts below and let’s dish.

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