Aita for Refusing to take care of MIL?

The clock struck 3 a.m., and the house was still, except for one woman already up, bracing for another grueling day of caregiving, parenting, and juggling a mountain of tasks. For two years, she’d poured her heart into tending her in-laws’ needs, only to hear a stinging accusation from her mother-in-law that cut deeper than any exhaustion: a whisper of infidelity. Shocked and wounded, she drew a line in the sand—no more.

This Reddit tale isn’t just about a caregiver’s breaking point; it’s a raw look at loyalty, sacrifice, and the weight of unshared family burdens. Her story, buzzing with Reddit reactions, sparks questions about where duty ends and self-preservation begins. When gratitude turns to suspicion, how do you keep giving? Readers are diving in, ready to weigh who’s right in this tangled family clash.

‘Aita for Refusing to take care of MIL?’

I (36f) have been a caregiver to my inlaws for the last 2 years. They acquired lots of debt from their 3 other children.(Husband and I don't have any and never ask for things. His siblings were given cars, his parents took out 2 reverse mortgages on his older siblings, maxed credit cards and still have 14k in debt).

I have been under a lot of stress taking my inlaws to appointments,ft caregiving, kids to school, house, grounds maintenance etc. I normally get up at 3am to start the day. Recently, I finally snapped(I was just tired and needed a break. My husbands siblings have not helped with his parents at all) and my husband responded that day with

I had stopped washing the dishes. My MIL was in ear shot of this. I got up, got dressed, gave my kiddos a kiss each. Told them I loved them and drove over to my friends house for a good cry out of frustration. She let me in allowed me to take the time to decompress and I went home. A few weeks later my husband came up to me and said his mother asked him when I left,

This took me completely off guard. Here I am sacrificing my time to care for her and her husband, and that's the first thing that crosses her mind? Not the lack of support from her kids but that! I told my husband that I refused to help her and would no longer be her caregiver. The one thing I've never wavered on is my stance on being faithful. So, WIBTA, in refusing to take care of my MIL after this?

This caregiver’s standoff with her mother-in-law lays bare a harsh reality: unappreciated sacrifice breeds resentment. The woman’s relentless routine—caring for her in-laws, kids, and home—pushed her to a breaking point, only for her mother-in-law to question her fidelity. Her refusal to continue caregiving isn’t just anger; it’s self-preservation.

She’s caught between duty and exhaustion, while her mother-in-law’s remark reveals mistrust, perhaps deflecting from her own children’s absence. The husband’s siblings, notably uninvolved, leave her carrying an unfair load. A 2023 AARP report notes 38 million Americans provide unpaid caregiving, with 60% reporting burnout (source: AARP.org). This woman’s story fits that mold—her 3 a.m. starts scream overload.

Dr. Barry J. Jacobs, a caregiving psychologist, says, “Caregivers need boundaries to avoid emotional collapse” (source: Psychology Today). Here, her boundary—stepping back—protects her mental health but risks family tension. The mother-in-law’s accusation, likely a projection, ignored her sacrifices, making trust a casualty.

For solutions, she’s on the right track: setting a deadline for new arrangements. Her husband must rally his siblings or explore assisted living options. Community resources, like local caregiver support groups, could ease the transition (Eldercare.gov). Readers, how do you handle family duties that feel one-sided? Let’s talk.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit waded into this caregiving saga like it’s a family meeting gone wild, tossing out advice with a side of righteous indignation. From urging the woman to drop the burden to calling out her in-laws’ ungrateful jab, the community’s serving spicy takes with a sprinkle of humor to lighten the load:

RangeMoney2012 − NTA. **You are no one's servant.** You need to stop, talk to your husband and say your stopping giving care to **his** parents.

Turmeric_Ping − NTA. Let you husband and his family take care of them.

teresajs − NTA. Stop.  These aren't even your parents.  If your husband and his siblings want their parents to have care, your husband and his siblings can either give that care themselves or find care. Tell your husband and his parents that you're done being the caregiver and they have to figure out something else.

Alternative_Talk3324 − NTA you’re going to burn out. Let your husband take care of her and rally up. His siblings. You’re a saint for what you’ve done already. It’s time to step back.

Successful_Way_3239 − Sounds like your mil is a manipulator and is actually trying to build problems between you and her son. This is a slippery slope and is going to require very open communication with you and your spouse. The in-laws made need to get out of the house.

JangaGully2424 − Just stop and think, would your husband help take care of YOUR mother like this? Let him and his siblings step up or hire someone! SMFH

DinosaurDomination − If your MIL needs a caregiver then your husband, her son, can do it or she can hire help or she can go into a home.. It's not your responsibility at all.. NTA

One-Mission-4505 − Absolutely NTA

emryldmyst − Nta. You do need to sit him down and explain what actually happened that day. Then you tell him straight up that you're no longer taking care of his parents.  They're in this mess because of their own stupid choices and it's not your problem and will no longer be your problem. She has other children.

He can get with the golden siblings who have disappeared and arrange help, arrange home health care, whatever his parents need. You are not a servant and her comment would have sent me over the edge.  No way could I handle two years of that s**t.. You don't mention why you're a caregiver, only that they lost everything due to bad choices.. If they're not disabled they need to gtf out.

[Reddit User] − NTA. They need to go to assisted living NOW!

These Redditors aren’t holding back, dishing out support and shade in equal measure. But do their calls to quit caregiving solve the mess, or just kick the can down the road? One thing’s certain: the internet’s got her back, cheering her stand. What’s your take on this family fallout?

This story of a caregiver’s rebellion stirs up a tough question: how much do you give when appreciation turns to accusation? The woman’s choice to step back isn’t just about one hurtful comment—it’s a stand for her sanity after years of carrying too much. Resolving this might mean tough talks, new plans, or even separate paths. If you were stretched this thin, what would you do? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this family knot together.

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