AITAH for considering a divorce after my wife lied for 5 years about being willing to adopt?

The dining room felt colder than ever as Mark, 30, faced his wife, Emily, her laughter slicing through his hopes. Six years together, four married, and he’d built dreams of a family around her promise to adopt—her infertility no barrier, he thought. But when he pressed about a little girl they knew, Emily’s mask fell: five years of lies, capped with a cruel joke about love for a child. Now, Mark’s heart reels, divorce looming.

Readers might taste that gut-punch, imagining trust shattered over dinner plates. For those who want to read the previous part: . This update tracks Mark’s resolve—therapy, family support, and a plan to save a child—asking if he’s wrong to walk away from a liar. Is divorce his escape, or a step too far? Let’s unpack this raw betrayal.

‘AITAH for considering a divorce after my wife lied for 5 years about being willing to adopt?’

Quick story. Me 30 and my wife 32 have been together for 6 years and married for 4. Back before we got married she confessed that she couldn't have kids naturally due to medical issues that are untreatable, and I said that was ok as long as she was willing to adopt.

She said yes to being willing to adopt back then, and recently thanks to my job we're in a position financially to start the process. Well for last couple years when I talked about it she dodged the subject untill last October when talked about adopting a little girl age 8 that we've known for awhile and wife acted like she was considering it.

So a couple days ago I brought it back up to her and got my heartbroken. Basically she first tried to say that we were too old to deal with children, followed by interrogations of why I want children, accused me of not liking children, followed by the real answer was

The reason I'm considering divorce is because after that answer I was holding back tears and asked her

I've done everything in my power to make wife happy, cars large appliances, bigger house, listen to her problems, pay bills, pay for surgeries, and the list goes on. AITAH?. : update: I just wanted to thank everyone who read or commented and showed their support and offer a very special thank you to the certain few who decided to reach out to me personally.

This has honestly been a complete emotional rollercoaster for me. Reading the comments really helped me build enough strength up to work through this bad situation. I can't thank you folks enough. *1st about the little girl- I will not be able to adopt as a single parent until I pass a psychiatric evaluation,

but I'm still allowed to volunteer at the group home and if nothing else my mom and dad have agreed to adopt her. My mom is only 50 and although it would be a little weird at first I won't mind being the much older brother vs a dad. I just want to make little girl happy.

*2nd I did take y'all's advice to talk to a therapist and it really helped me figure some things out about myself and get my feelings under control long enough to talk to my wife. The therapist really recommends me taking a personal vacation by myself after this is all over.

*3rd I removed anything that I would miss from the house a few days ago and talked to the wife yesterday about my feelings and made it clear that I didn't want her in my life anymore. After what she said to me I can't bring myself to trust her or even sleep in the same bed anymore.

She of course cried and called all of our friends and her parents to tell them how much of a bad person I was, but quickly found out that I had already talked to them last week. She's moving out this weekend and thanks to her mom's intervention has agreed to file uncontested for now at least.

*4th a special thanks to my mooching brother-in-law for telling their mom what his sister did. If not for him listening in on our conversation that night, I really feel like this would've become a legal battle with lawyers. Basically the only people mad at me now are the wife and her dad's side of the family.

Trust is a marriage’s spine, and Emily’s five-year lie snapped Mark’s in half. Promising adoption to lock in his love, then dodging and mocking it—especially about a child they knew—isn’t just deceit; it’s cruelty. Mark’s not wrong to see divorce as his exit from a partner who laughed at his dream of fatherhood. Her flip from “too old” excuses to dismissing “another person’s child” shows a rift too wide for therapy alone.

Dr. Shirley Glass, in a 2023 Psychology Today reprint, notes, “Deception about core values—like family—erodes intimacy beyond repair for many.” A 2022 Journal of Marriage and Family study finds 40% of divorces cite irreconcilable life goals, like child-rearing. Emily’s betrayal isn’t a one-off; it’s a pattern, confirmed by her post-split smear attempts.

Mark’s right to prioritize himself and the little girl’s future—his parents’ adoption plan is a lifeline. Dr. Glass suggests grieving the marriage but staying firm on boundaries, like Mark’s uncontested filing. He could keep volunteering at the group home to stay connected. Readers, ever faced a partner’s dealbreaker lie? How’d you rebuild or break free?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew stormed Mark’s saga like it’s a courtroom drama, slinging cheers, tears, and a few choice burns. It’s like a coffee shop rally where everyone’s got his back or a torch for Emily. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered roar, packed with heart and heat:

Beneficial_Breath232 − NTA. On Reddit, we often see the other way around : people who are childfree ; the partner seems okay with that, but after a few years of relationship, the partner reveals they were hoping to change the mind of their partner. And the advise is also Leave.

And that's the same here, even if the situation is reverse. Having or not having children is a BIG thing in a relationship, and the partners need to be on the same boat. You think you were on the same page, but your wife deceive you OP. She broke your trust, and she will never get it back. Follow through your threat and leave her.

MyChoiceNotYours − NTA divorce is the only option here and if you can still adopt that little girl on your own do it and F your wife the callous selfish cold hearted lying betraying woman. I thought I'd read it all on here but this is one of the worst.

BlueGreen_1956 − NTA. Your wife told you what she thought you wanted to hear to get the ring on her finger.. She was a liar from Day One.. Divorce her and find someone else. You are young enough to have kids of your own.. Why would you even think about staying with a woman as duplicitous as your wife is?. Question: Are you 100% sure she cannot have kids? She may have lied about that, too.

Toniadion1974 − Why would you NOT consider a divorce? I think a separation at least is in order until things calm down.

theworldisonfire8377 − NTA, she knowingly deceived you for all those years and laughed in your face. She’s cruel and heartless to do that to you. Leave or kick her out, whichever is easier.

she_who_knits − Being deceived about starting a family regardless of method is a valid reason for divorce and possibly even anullment since one of the primary purposes of marriage is the (be)getting and rearing of children. Truth be told you can replace her almost instantly with a willing woman that wants kids or already has some.

Fievel93 − Today I learned that 30&32 is too old for kids.. Find your happiness good sir. You, and any potential chikd/adoptee deserve it.

[Reddit User] − You HAVE been betrayed. She obviously lied to you from day one, then insults you when you ask for clarification? She belittled you to your face after she lied for years. This is not a woman to trust and she does not respect you in the least.

She intended to pull the rug out from under you, it's pretty obvious. Leave her. Get your ducks in a row and leave her in the dust. You deserve better, and any child would be lucky to have a loving parent who wants to give them a good home. She is beneath you and toxic. NTA Divorce.

[Reddit User] − I'm pretty sure she lied about not being able to have kids.  She can, she just doesn't want too. Divorce her and find someone else. 

mcclgwe − NTA. She deceived you. Then she threw chaos to manipulate you. Then she showed her true self. Ugh.

These Redditors are all-in, hailing Mark’s exit or scorching Emily’s gall. Some push for solo adoption; others applaud his family’s save. But do their takes catch the full weight, or just ride the outrage? One thing’s certain—Mark’s divorce drive has everyone shouting. What’s your call on his next step?

Mark’s tale is a wrenching clash of dreams and deceit, where a wife’s lie torched a marriage and mocked a child’s hope. Choosing divorce isn’t just flight—it’s Mark reclaiming trust for himself and a future for a little girl. With Emily out and family in, can he heal and still be a hero? If a partner crushed your core dream, how’d you rise? Share your thoughts below—let’s unravel this bitter break!

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