AITA for canceling on husband’s family vacation?

A summer getaway sounded perfect—until a sneaky room swap turned it sour. A couple, excited for a family vacation, hit the brakes when their sister-in-law’s plan shoved them into bunk beds while her six-year-old scored a queen.

This isn’t just about sleeping arrangements; it’s a clash over fairness and trust. Their story whisks us into a sunny Florida plot twist, where canceled plans and family ties tangle, leaving us curious about who’s really calling the shots.

‘AITA for canceling on husband’s family vacation?’

My SIL (41) booked a 3 bedroom Airbnb for the end of summer break and invited my husband (36) and I (34) to join. We agreed to pay for the half of the Airbnb after she showed us pictures, etc. We asked questions and all seemed clear.

We figured she'd probably be inviting her boyfriend and when we asked about the need for 3 bedrooms, she just said it was all that was available. Hey, whatever, right? Then, a few days later her boyfriend comes over for dinner with her and lets slip two other details previously left off. One was that his 6 year old daughter would be coming.

We actually didn't care about this at all. We have met her and she's adorable. Then, however, he mentioned detail number 2: the third bedroom is actually just a small office space they threw bunk beds in and they planned on having my husband and I stay in it.

We giggled and asked why we would take bunk beds when there were two bedrooms with queen mattresses. Apparently, because they wanted to give their 6 year old her own room and the closest one to their master suite was the other queen room.

Husband and I were quiet and said nothing. It was obvious we were unhappy. SIL explained their reasoning and just said it wasn't a big deal. Well, we mulled it over and decided it made no sense to pay half the air bnb cost for the room we were getting, let alone for the fact that we were staying in 1/3 occupied rooms.

So we respectfully asked her to cancel, which it's early enough to still do, and even offered up the cancelation fee if for some reason they were still charged. SIL is now angry and saying we are ruining 6 year old's vacation. I don't feel we are wrong. This is actually not the first time she's done something like this.

Husband is kind of fluctuating back and forth on whether we should just suck it up, but I'm still unhappy with the arrangements. The last bit I'll add last as it's significantly smaller. We both are pet owners. She has 2 large dogs and a small dog; we have 2 small dogs.

Everyone said they were boarding the dogs. It is expensive to do so in Florida where we live. The boyfriend let slip they plan to bring their small dog along though as the boarding costs are crazy for them since it's only 2 dogs per kennel. I suppose I'm just feeling like the costs are mounting for us

And the expectations are that we will suck it up and go along with every little demand, while they bend rule after rule in their favor. Should I suck it up? Am I just being a witch? We normally get along so well.

Family travel often involves navigating complex interpersonal dynamics and clearly defined financial expectations. Renowned family psychologist Dr. John Gottman highlights that “establishing clear and mutual expectations from the very beginning is key to preventing conflict in group settings.” The situation here illustrates how withholding important details—in this case, the real layout and use of the rooms—can lead to feelings of betrayal and unfairness among those expected to contribute equally.

Moreover, travel consultant Mindy Weiss emphasizes that “when expenses are shared, transparency is paramount; any attempt to obscure the true cost or setup can lead to long-lasting resentment.”  The OP’s decision to cancel the booking reflects a strong sense of fairness and an unwillingness to subsidize a vacation arrangement that disproportionately benefits others.

While group travel should ideally enhance togetherness, it should not come at the cost of feeling exploited or undervalued. In such cases, honest dialogue and upfront clarity about accommodations can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that every party is respected.

The expert perspective supports the idea that the OP was not only within her rights to cancel but also taking a stand for fairness—a stance that might foster healthier communication in future family planning.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and unfiltered. Many commenters agree that being assigned a room with bunk beds while having to pay half of the Airbnb cost is undeniably unfair. They note that the SIL’s failure to disclose key details has tipped the balance, making it seem like the OP’s contribution was being exploited to fund someone else’s vacation luxuries.

While a few argue that the cancellation might inconvenience a six-year-old, the majority insist that fairness in financial responsibility should never be compromised. These opinions highlight a common sentiment: transparency and equal distribution of costs are non-negotiable when planning a group vacation.

Significant_Planter − A room with bunk beds is literally made for children! She's being absolutely insane about this, it's not like the kid is 4 months old! She's not even a toddler that might need them in the middle of the night. She's old enough to be in school, she's old enough to be in the kids room!

They absolutely got a three bedroom rental because they wanted her to have her own room and they absolutely didn't tell you because they wanted you to pay for half of the child's room! That's pretty messed up and your husband is ridiculous if he thinks it's okay to accept this!

You're not messing up the child's vacation, they are by lying to you about it!  Had they been honest the whole time about bringing the kid and then the dog it might be a different story. Had they been fair at all with the distribution of the bedrooms it would have been a different story. But they lied every step of the way just to get their way. 

However, I think the boyfriend wanted you to know. How's he going to let all the deal breakers just accidentally slip? He wanted you to know either because he wanted them to go alone, he didn't want to go at all or he just thought it was unfair that they were treating you like this

And basically using you for money on vacation. NTA don't go and tell your husband if he wants to go with them and pay for his room and the kids room that he is more than welcome to and you'll see him when he gets home!

archetyping101 − NTA. So you pay half and you get bunk beds and their dog(a) can come but you're boarding yours? It sounds like you're subsidizing their vacation. If they don't recognize that they're being ridiculous and taking advantage, I wouldn't care how pissed they are because I'm cancelling. It was nice of you to agree to pay any cancellation fee.

If she does cancel, I'd ask to see the invoice or page for the cost of the cancellation because at this point, I think they have no issue taking advantage and might even lie about the cancellation fee amount!  The six year old is fine in a bunk bed.

If not, they can take the bunk mattress and put it on the floor in their bedroom. Easy peasy. We slept on the ground on many family vacations. . Expecting you two to pay 50% and have to take a bunk bed is absolutely ridiculous. 

CatteNappe − NTA. It's ridiculous that a 6 year old gets her own queen bed and you get bunks in a modified office. And then you get to pay for half of the whole house? They have 60% of the people, and 66% of the beds. But you can see where their priorities are given that now you've balked you are

No consideration being given to *your* vacation. The only reason I can see to

WantToBelieveInMagic − NTA Tell SIL that you will pay half of the Air bnb if you get 2 bedrooms with queen size beds and bring your two small dogs. SIL can have the bunk beds and fill them with any guests and animals she wants. Then ask her how fair that sounds to her, and point out it is a better deal than she is proposing to you.

Katerh − NTA. They deliberately withheld pertinent details they knew would impact your willingness to split the bill. Your SIL wanted your $$$ to fund HER vacation. She’s mad she got caught.. I wouldn’t let her take the lead planning any future events with you either.

OkeyDokey654 − NTA. If you backing out means a child’s vacation is ruined, that’s them admitting they were counting on you to subsidize their trip.

Apprehensive_Tip2725 − Wow, this blew up! Thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy. Funny enough, as I've scrolled through and read countless comments and replies, I don't think I've seen a single post that wasn't NTA. Every single reply just says SIL is out of her mind.

Thank you all so much.. Edit:  I canceled and got the receipts from her. Husband is luckily on my side, even if he feels a little bad for the little girl. Even he knows this was a load of bull.

sjachermaut − NTA. Based on what you wrote, you maintained your respect and they bent the rules to their advantage. You gave the best response to such an unfair situation. I don't think it's right to tolerate other people's selfishness just to keep a good relationship. You are completely justified.

ogo7 − NTA. Why does she assume she gets the master suite as well? The person taking the master should always pay a little more and a room with bunk beds is literally there for children to sleep in. Do not go and do not fund their vacation, you have nothing to feel bad about!

Apprehensive_Tip2725 − Update: Husband and I sat down and talked about this and about the past events that have been similar. I showed him this post and he shared that he felt like he had failed us never speaking up in the past.

He apologized and promised he would not only get the cancelation, but he would not be paying any cancelation fee, and he was going to establish clear boundaries with his sister going forward.. I didn't hear everything he said but I was proud of him. . Thank you all for helping us see sense

In conclusion, the decision to cancel the vacation booking stems from a need for fairness and clear communication. While family getaways are designed to bring loved ones together, it’s essential that all parties are honest and equitable when sharing expenses and space.

The OP’s experience reminds us that accepting inequitable arrangements can lead to long-term resentment and strained relationships. What do you think—should financial arrangements always be transparent, even if it means canceling plans? How far would you go to protect your own interests in a group setting? Share your thoughts and join the conversation below.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *