AITA for suggesting that we stay elsewhere during a family vacation?

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Picture a Hawaiian sunset, waves crashing softly, and a family gathered around a dinner table—until a toddler’s potty-training mishap sparks a firestorm. For one dad, the joy of vacationing with his wife, 2-year-old Anna, and extended family at his father’s timeshare fades fast when Anna’s accidents draw sharp words from Grandpa. His disapproval stings, turning a cozy getaway into a battleground of parenting styles and hurt feelings.

Caught between defending his daughter’s learning curve and keeping the peace, the dad’s suggestion to stay elsewhere ignites a bigger clash, leaving everyone at the table reeling. Anna’s giggles fade under the weight of grown-up tension, and readers can’t help but feel the sting of a family moment gone sour. Is he wrong for standing up for his kid, or did his words cross a line?

‘AITA for suggesting that we stay elsewhere during a family vacation?’

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter—let’s call her Anna—and we’re currently on a family vacation in Hawaii with my parents and my in-laws (7 people total). We are staying at my father’s timeshare, which he periodically invites us to. The two pairs of grandparents adore Anna and seem to get along with each other.

Anna is undergoing potty-training right now, and as with all potty-training, there are occasional accidents. We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents - I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people. Right before dinner, Anna had an accident on the pullout sofa, which necessitated a call to housekeeping to swap out sheets and cushions.

My dad wasn’t happy. When all 7 of us sat down shortly afterward for dinner, my dad sat down and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Anna is out of control, isn’t she.” Bear in mind Anna was sitting right across from him at the table. I let it slide and continued eating, and my wife said something to try to brush it off.

Then, my dad suggested that we put Anna back in diapers and that she not be allowed on the bed or the couch. I responded by saying that I didn’t want to do that and that potty-training is a process that has highs and lows. My dad then remarked that it would be problematic if she had an accident on the carpet because it’d be hard to clean up.

In my mind, I thought to myself, “So you don’t want her on the bed, couch, or carpet—where is she supposed to hang out the whole time, the bathroom??” At that point, I was frustrated and said something to the extent of, “If Anna’s accidents are too big of a problem, we can always find another place to stay at.”

That’s when my dad blew up. He accused me of threatening him and of being disrespectful. It seemed that he took my suggestion as a threat of leaving, and he made very clear that he felt offended. He also said that I needed to “be careful with what I say and show respect to your parents.”

I responded by repeatedly telling him that I didn’t threaten him nor intend for him to be threatened. He responded that “it doesn’t matter what your intent was, because I feel threatened.” At this point I was really upset, so I said something I probably shouldn’t have, remarking that he was “too easily threatened.”

My dad then demanded that I apologize to him. I didn’t feel that I had to, but I half-heartedly apologized because I wanted the argument to end and because it was making things super uncomfortable for my in-laws who were also sitting at the table and eating dinner through all of this.

Later that evening my dad pulled me aside again and lectured me further about the argument. It seemed that the whole blowup happened in response to my remark that we could stay elsewhere if my dad couldn’t tolerate Anna’s potty training accidents. AITA for saying that?

Vacations should knit families closer, but this one unraveled over a toddler’s potty-training slip-ups. The dad’s clash with his father exposes a rift—Grandpa sees messes as chaos, while Dad sees them as growth. Anna’s accidents, likely sparked by new surroundings, are par for the course, yet the public criticism at dinner feels like a low blow, especially with her tiny ears listening.

The grandpa’s push for diapers isn’t unreasonable for his timeshare’s sake, but calling Anna “out of control” in front of her crosses a line. The dad’s counter—suggesting they stay elsewhere—reads less as a threat and more as a plea for respect. Both sides dig in, turning a solvable issue into a power struggle. The dad’s snarky “too easily threatened” jab didn’t help, but his heart seems set on shielding Anna.

Dr. Tovah Klein, a child development expert, says, “Potty training thrives on patience and consistency, not stress or shaming” (The Washington Post, 2022). Anna’s accidents reflect her adjusting to travel, not failure. Klein’s advice applies—Grandpa’s reaction risks undermining her confidence, while Dad’s defense supports her progress. Broadly, this taps into family dynamics under pressure. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found 60% of parents report heightened family conflict on vacations, often over mismatched expectations.

The bigger issue? Respecting boundaries. Grandpa’s furniture fears are valid, but airing them at dinner was tactless. Dad could’ve offered pull-ups as a compromise instead of escalating. For solutions, a calm chat post-dinner might’ve worked—Dad could suggest extra cleaning supplies or a rug cover, while Grandpa could apologize for his tone. Both need to model kindness for Anna. Readers, how do you handle family clashes when kids are caught in the middle?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit jumped into this vacation drama like it’s a luau gone wrong! The community’s split—some side with Dad, slamming Grandpa for shaming a toddler over normal potty-training hiccups. They see his suggestion to leave as standing up for Anna, not a threat.

Others call Dad out, arguing he’s too stubborn to use pull-ups, risking everyone’s comfort for “principle.” A few label both as dramatic, suggesting a diaper truce could’ve saved the vibe. These takes are loud, but do they untangle the mess or just toss more leis on the fire?

Even_Enthusiasm7223 − Potty training at someone else's vacation home and having them deal with your daughters accidents is the rude gesture here. You're holding everyone else hostage of having to live with your daughter's messes. You should put her back in diapers and potty.

Train her when you're back at your house. Why should The grandparents have to put up with having to sit on dirty wet smelly couches because your daughters have an accidents. Yes, you're threatening to leave and the response for your father was overboard but you wouldn't change the routine for the vacation is pretty entitled on your part.. Esh

hadMcDofordinner − Come on, you could keep her in pull-ups during the trip.. Why refuse to avoid accidents when you aren't in your own. home?. Soft YTA for imposing your child's accidents on your father's. furniture, etc. when there is a simple solution.. Your father calling your daughter

oaksandpines1776 − YTA. Don't work on potty training on vacation, in someone else's home. Put the kid in diaper or pull ups and resume at home.

maybeRaeMaybeNot − Esh. You should stay somewhere else.  You obviously do not respect other people’s property.  Letting a child pee on furniture is not a normal pet of potty training and doesn’t need to be tolerated by others.. And you were being emotionally manipulative by saying y’all would go somewhere else to make everyone cater to you.

Your dad was the ah by not discussing the issue appropriately and instead making passive aggressive, and then aggressive remarks. Personally, I would have called your bluff said “aloha” and meet you for some activities and to play with grandkid at the park. . Put a diaper on your child until she is potty trainED and not having accidents everywhere. Gross

Lisard13 − YTA the request to have her wearing pull ups at his home when she was having accidents was very reasonable

yarnycarley − YTA your daughter obviously isn't ready for potty training, kids will show you when they are and continuing this in someone else's vacation home is just ridiculously selfish, it's giving I don't want to buy diapers anymore vibes

Money_Treat1040 − Two years old is young to potty train especially with all the travel and exciting things happening on vacation. I’d reconsider potty training at this moment. She is young. And you both are AH.

FYourAppLeaveMeAlone − YTA. Sometimes when you have kids you have to skip fun things. If your kid pees on furniture because of a trip, don't go on the trip this year.

thatkindofgirl55 − Put her in pull ups , take her to the bathroom every hour or so . When you go home remove the pull ups and continue on with your potty training . Sorry but no one wants a kid peeing all over their home . How many accidents is quite a few ?

Cause it’s seeming like a lot , did she just pee on the plane seat on the flight there or in the cars ? I get potty training but there are times some pull ups are necessary . Basically that’s any time you’re not in your own house . YTA

[Reddit User] − YTA. Potty training demands consistency and a home toilet, neither of which happens at your Dad’s time share in Hawaii.

This dad’s Hawaiian headache leaves us wondering: how do you keep family harmony when a toddler’s learning sparks big fights? Defending his daughter felt right, but the blowup shows words can spiral fast. Anna’s potty journey shouldn’t steal the vacation’s aloha spirit. What would you do—stick it out or pack your bags? Share your take—how do you navigate family tension with little ones in tow?

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