AITA For Not Buying My Fiance A Second Wedding Dress That’s More than 50% The Total Budget?

Wedding bells were ringing—until a dress drama stole the spotlight. A 49-year-old woman, ready to tie the knot on a Native American reservation, set a firm $60,000 budget, only to face her fiancée’s plea for a $33,000 traditional gown after an elder’s nudge.

This isn’t just about beads and fabric; it’s a tug-of-war between love, culture, and cash. Her story invites us into a whirlwind of wedding plans and tough calls, where saying “I do” comes with a side of financial finesse.

‘AITA For Not Buying My Fiance A Second Wedding Dress That’s More than 50% The Total Budget?’

My (F49) fiancé (F32) wants me to buy her a new wedding dress that’s over 50% the total wedding budget after I already bought her a $8,600 dress. I’m marrying the love of my life who is a member of a Native American tribe and lives on a reservation in my city.

I was involved with this tribe before I met her, buying an older woman a mobile home to put on her land when her daughter went to prison leaving her three grandkids to raise when she was living in a 15’ travel trailer. She managed to get the kids out of foster care due to this.

This greased the wheels to get the council to approve us having our wedding on the reservation. I’m paying for everything and have a $60,000 budget. There will be traditional dancers, drummers, and a traditional feast all catered by women on the reservation. 

We have an 80 person guestlist—the only people coming on my side is my mother and my adult nephew. Yes, I’m spreading my money around on the reservation, trying not to be obnoxious about it. Like I said, I’ve seen the poverty many of them go through and I love that my wedding is bringing money there.

My fiancé said she dreamed of her wedding since she was a little girl. I could care less about weddings, tbh, so I’ve let her be the only ‘bride’.  I’m going to wear a black gown with tuxedo elements on top to kind of stand in as a ‘groom’. This way all the attention will be on her.

My only rule was that the budget was $60,000 FIRM, not a penny more, and I hired a wedding planner she had to work with to get everything within that budget. She went out with her girlfriends and decided on a beautiful $8,600 dress. She loved it. It was purchased and fitted. Great.

It’s three months until the wedding (we’re doing November because it’s way too hot to have a summer wedding out here).  She was continuing to get things ready with the tribe and the planner.  One of the tribal elders brought up her dress.  He said she should wear a traditional tribal gown made by one of their artisans.

She sat me down to tell me something ‘serious’ and explained that she couldn’t wear the gown she bought. She needed a traditional tribal gown. I said to get a quote from the artisan and maybe we could get a partial return and/or sell the other gown to cover it..

The artisan’s price? $33,000!! It’s going to be covered with beadwork and she needs to get started NOW. I said, well it’s a good thing we already have a gown. She said she would not humiliate herself and dishonor her tribe by wearing the wrong gown. I said I can’t approve this cost.

It would throw the budget out the window. She says I have millions of dollars, and this is our wedding and I’m being ridiculous. Yes, I have money. I live off 4% as someone semi-retired. I have this money because I KEEP TO THE BUDGETS I SET.

Now she’s not talking to me except to remind me every day that if the artisan doesn’t start now, she won’t have a dress.. I don’t know what to do. Am I being the a**hole here? **Edit to Add: I've noticed some confusion and just want to clear something up.

The elder isn't saying she's required to wear the dress. There have been other weddings with non-traditional dresses, like her mother's wedding. The elder just suggested that since this is panning out to be such a big event for the tribe, it would be appropriate for her to wear a traditional dress.

This is part of why I'm saying that it's still an option for her to wear the original dress.** **Anyway, she's with her mother right now and I've asked the wedding planner to meet me on the reservation on Monday to see if I can get more information and talk to the dress maker.

because as many of you have pointed out it doesn't make sense for the dress to be so expensive. Some suggest I'm being scammed, but I think it's more of a case of not explaining the situation to the dress maker and asking for something too extravagant. I'd also like to consider the option of renting the dress.** 

Wedding budgets are like tightropes—one misstep, and emotions crash. This woman’s stand against a $33,000 dress isn’t about stinginess; it’s about trust. Her fiancée’s pivot from an $8,600 gown to a tribal artisan’s creation, spurred by an elder’s suggestion, feels like a cultural curveball. But with the budget stretched thin, saying no is her only play—especially when the elder clarified it’s optional.

Cultural expectations can strain wallets: a 2023 WeddingWire report says 40% of couples overspend due to family or community pressure. Here, the fiancée’s “dishonor” claim ramps up the stakes, but poverty on the reservation makes a $33,000 dress eyebrow-raising. Financial planner Erin Voisin notes, “Budgets reflect values—sticking to them preserves mutual respect”. The woman’s discipline isn’t cold; it’s clarity.

She’s smart to probe the dress’s cost with the planner. A compromise—like renting a traditional gown or simplifying the design—could honor culture without breaking the bank. Readers, try setting clear budget rules with loved ones—how do you navigate pricey traditions?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and laced with humor. Many commenters agree that asking for a $33,000 traditional gown, when a stunning $8,600 dress is already secured, is an extravagant expectation that strains both budget and sensibility.

They argue that while cultural traditions deserve respect, they should not become an excuse to overspend at the expense of a financially sound celebration.These diverse opinions illustrate the tension between preserving cultural integrity and maintaining fiscal discipline, prompting lively debate among wedding watchers online.

Seed_Planter72 − NTA. You've been generous but now the tribe and your bride are seeing you as a cash cow. Maybe if the elder feels this is so important, he should put up the money for dress. The artisan isn't by any chance a close relative of theirs, is it? If this crazy demand is a deal breaker, I say cut your losses and run. They will drain you dry.

KarinSpaink − NTA. A 33 thousand dollar wedding dress is ludicrous. (A 60 thousand dolar wedding for 80 guests is already quite over the top....)

zeez1011 − INFO: Is it normal within this tribe for brides to wear ridiculously expensive tribal dresses? If so, how are they paying for them? I doubt all the members are fabulously wealthy, right?

Also, did your fiancee know to check with the elders to ensure any decisions made wouldn't interfere with their traditions? Did she think the dress you bought would he considered okay? Or had she not even considered what the elders would say?

doomcomes − This sounds like a scam.

Maximum-Swan-1009 − You are not an a**hole but you are naive if you think that this woman, 17 years younger, is marrying you for love. You can't tell me that everyone on that reservation gets married in a $33,000

Better2021Everyone − NTA, and for the love of God, **please** have a signed airtight prenup in place before you go any further, because I honestly feel that you are going to need it! 

slap-a-frap − NTA - your fiance smells $$$ and since it isn't hers, she's going to use it against you until she gets it. Have a word with the elders and see if you can come to an agreement. Something tells me they're pressuring you as well because they see the generosity you have shown and are trying to cash in on it. I hate saying it, but it sounds like a scam.

uttergarbageplatform − NTA the tribe is trying to use you for money and this whole situation is very uncomfortable

ejdjd − Tell the tribal elder he should pay for the dress if he wants someone, not related to him, to wear a traditional dress. Tell your bride that the catering will have to be cut by $33,000.00 OR she can uninvite 70 guests to save that amount of money.

purplstarz − If most people on the reservation are having a hard time making ends meet, then there's no way the brides and grooms there spent anywhere near $33,000 on their wedding attire.

In conclusion, this wedding dress debacle is much more than a simple shopping decision—it is a clash between cultural expectations and steadfast financial boundaries. While the bride’s commitment to honoring both her heritage and her budget is commendable, the pressure to deviate from that plan raises important questions about where compromises can and should be made.

What would you do in this delicate situation, and how would you balance respect for tradition with practical financial planning? Share your insights and join the conversation below.

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