AITA for spending money on my dog instead of giving it to my brother?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The phone buzzed like an angry wasp, but Laura’s heart sank heavier as her brother’s texts lit up the screen. At 39, she’d always kept her wallet tight, especially around family like her brother, who’d begged for $700 to fix his truck last Christmas. Saying no was tough—his job was on the line—but Laura’s budget was no Santa’s sleigh. Then, her dog’s whimpers flipped her world, demanding a vet bill that blew a bigger hole.

Now, her brother’s rage and their dad’s scolding have Laura second-guessing. Readers might feel that sting of family guilt trips, wondering where duty ends and self-care begins. When Laura chose her furry pal over her brother’s wheels, she didn’t expect a clan uproar. Is a pet’s life worth more than a sibling’s job, or did she just dodge a money pit?

‘AITA for spending money on my dog instead of giving it to my brother?’

I would never have thought that something like this would incite so much drama, but my whole family is arguing about it now. I wouldn't have doubted that I was in the right before my father chewed me out, but now I feel like I'm losing my mind. In December, my brother (26M) asked me (39F) for a $700 loan.

I don't make a lot, and I don't have that much to spare at any time, let alone the holidays where I need to save for gifts etc. He did need it for something important: to get his truck fixed so he could still go to work. I get that that's a big deal, but I simply can't spare that kind of money. He ended up losing his job. :(

Fast forward to February. My dog stopped eating and we had to take him to the emergency vet. It turned out to be a dental abscess and it cost me about $1,200 to get him treated. You probably already know where this is going. Brother found out, and he's seething mad.

He blames me for his job loss, claiming that if I had the $1,200 for my dog and not $700 for him I'm a terrible person. I was able to shrug that off at first, but he won't budge and now he has other people in the family harassing me. Our father is on his side, and has told me that I should apologize for my priorities???

They're both saying this is proof that I lied about not having $700 but I never claimed I didn't have access to that much money at all, I just said I could not afford to spare it. I have tried to tell them that it was an emergency, but they just say so was my brother's problem.

My dog depends on me. I'm all he has. My brother is a grown man who has other people he can call, he just doesn't want to embarrass himself I think. But I'm going through a lot of (unrelated) stress right now, so it's really hard to be objective about any of it at this point. I'm so tired.

Family and money mix like oil and water, and Laura’s stuck in the slick. Her brother’s truck fix was urgent, but her “no” wasn’t cruel—$700 isn’t pocket change, especially at holiday crunch time. His job loss stings, yet pinning it on Laura’s dog emergency is a leap. Her pup’s abscess was life-or-death; her brother’s truck, one of many options. Now, family’s ganging up, twisting her choice into betrayal.

Financial therapist Megan McCoy, in a 2023 Forbes article, says, “Family money disputes often hide deeper resentments—boundaries are key to clarity.” A 2022 Bankrate survey shows 42% of sibling loans go unpaid, risking rifts. Laura’s dog is her responsibility; her brother, an adult, isn’t.

Laura’s right to prioritize her pet, but family pressure clouds her gut. McCoy suggests a calm chat to explain her limits, not apologize. Laura could ask why others didn’t step up for her brother. Readers, ever faced family cash demands? How’d you draw the line?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s posse piled into Laura’s drama like it’s a heated family reunion, tossing out cheers, shade, and a few waggy-tail nods. It’s like a lively diner chat where everyone’s got a hot take over coffee. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered scoop, brimming with sass and sense:

No-Throat-8885 − You are not obliged to lend your brother $700, even to fix his car, especially at Christmas with a myriad of other expenses. I’m assuming your father doesn’t want to take responsibility for not lending it either. And no friend came forward saying he was such a great guy and here was some money. If two months later you find yourself able to find $1200 for your vet bills, then well done you. NTA.

Calm_Initial − Info. Why did your father and other family members not step up in December to help pay the $700 your brother needed?. Why did you inform them of what you spent at the vet on your dog?

AgeRevolutionary3907 − NTA, your brother is not your dependant, it's a fully grown adult, and his problems are HIS, not yours. You can help if you so with, but it's not an obligation, at all. Your dog is your dependant, it literally depends on you. Your dog can't go to work and get a job that gives him dental to cure his absess.

The_Real_Macnabbs − Responsible pet ownership is expensive, even day to day you have to feed and care for your pet. Moreover, when you take on ownership of a pet you enter into a moral bargain with your pet that you will look after them. Would your brother come round every time you were feeling down and try and cheer you up? Your dog will.

Will your brother make you feel better just by being there with a waggy tail in the morning or when you get home? Your dog will. I am sure that if you could of afforded it, you would have given your brother the money. You made the right choice. Wishing you many years of good health, long walks and happy times on the couch (if you allow your dog on the furniture) ahead. NTA.

GenxBaby2 − NTA I'm guessing your dog brings you more joy than your brother.   My family has always loaned each other money as needed but everyone always pays it back.   From reading this sub, I gather that it is not unusual for money loaned to relatives to not be returned.   

fallriver1221 − NTA you are not responsible for your brother's truck or his lack of ability to figure something out work wise. If everyone else is so mad why didn't THEY help him? Or why didn't he get a credit card to pay for it? Or a rental? You are however responsible for your dog's well being. Saving your dogs life is more important than your brothers truck. Sorry.not.sorry. he's an adult he's responsible for taking care of him. Your dog can't get himself medical care.

Quick-Possession-245 − I am so tired of people trying to spend other peoples money..... Beyond that, your brother's truck was his responsibility, as was him getting to work. I understand that in many areas having no reliable transportation means losing a job, but surely you were not his only option? Also - your dog IS your responsibility. It sucks that vet care costs so much money, but you couldn't leave your dog in pain.. NTA

Leviosapatronis − Nta. You need to put your entire family on an information diet. Go low contact. Do not discuss your finances with anyone. It's not their business. And keep learning to say NO. No is a complete sentence and needs no explanation. Your brother needs to get his s**t together. His issues aren't your problem. If family is complaining, then they could have offered to give him money too. They need to stay in their own lane.

Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. Your brother is acting entitled; and if the loan to your brother had mattered that much to your father, he should have given him the money.

timothypjr − If you had spent that money on nose candy and prostitution, you’re still NTA. If your dad was so willing to help, why didn’t he? It’s your money, that you earned, that he wanted. Nope.

These Redditors are barking loud, backing Laura’s dog love or sniffing out her brother’s entitlement. Some call out dad’s dodge; others high-five her pet-first vibe. But do their takes nail the whole mess, or are they just chasing tails? One thing’s clear—Laura’s money choice has everyone yapping. What’s your read on her stand?

Laura’s saga is a tangled leash of love, duty, and dollars. Choosing her dog’s health over her brother’s truck wasn’t cold—it was her call in a cash-strapped moment. Now, with family fangs out, she’s caught in the crossfire. Can she mend ties without bending her truth? If your pet and kin clashed over your wallet, where’d you land? Drop your thoughts below—let’s chew over this family bone!

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