AITAH for telling my fiance don’t bother coming over on Mother’s Day?

The scent of fresh coffee lingers in a cozy apartment, but the mood is anything but warm. A young mom, dressed up and hopeful, checks her phone again, waiting for a sign her fiancé will make this Mother’s Day special. Last year, she smiled through wilted flowers and a rushed card, but this time, she dared to hope for more—only to be left wondering where she stands. As their wedding looms, her heart sinks with a nagging question: is she truly a priority?

It’s a tale that tugs at the heartstrings, shared on Reddit with raw honesty. This woman’s story isn’t just about one missed holiday; it’s about love, respect, and the quiet ache of feeling unseen. As we dive into her world, we’re left pondering: how do you move forward when the person you’re building a life with keeps putting you last?

‘AITAH for telling my fiance don’t bother coming over on Mother’s Day?’

So my fiance and I are supposed to be getting married next month. We have a 2 year old daughter together. When I was pregnant, he moved 2.5 hours to be with me and our child, so he doesn't get to see his family too often. Since we've been together (3 years) he has always gone to see his mother for Mother's Day.

I am entirely okay with him wanting to visit his mother, especially because he doesn't get to see her too often. The problem is, I feel like I am always an after thought. For example, last year I went with him to visit his mom on Mother's Day weekend. He took her out for dinner and got her beautiful flowers.

I witnessed him spoil her all weekend, and then Sunday he scrambled into the store on the way back home and got me some dead flowers, a teddy bear, and a card. At the time I just pretended it didn't bother me. This year he tells me about a week ago that he is going to visit his mother for Mother's Day weekend again.

This time I opt not to go with him. He asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, and I simply told him.

I don't hear from him all morning. I'm checking my phone waiting for a call or a Happy Mother's Day text, but nothing. I finally get a text from him at 2pm wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, but still no word as to when he will be home. I finally call him around 6:30pm and ask him where he was at.

He said he was about an hour away from home. When I asked him why he was so late, he told me he fell asleep after he made breakfast for his family. I told him I was really disappointed in him and don't even bother coming over to my place.

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He said

Mother’s Day can feel like a litmus test for relationships, and this story shows how quickly expectations can unravel. The OP’s frustration isn’t just about late texts or missed dinners—it’s about a pattern of feeling sidelined. Her fiancé’s focus on his mother, while heartfelt, overshadows his role as a partner and co-parent, leaving the OP questioning her place in his life right before their wedding.

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From the fiancé’s perspective, balancing family ties and new responsibilities is tricky. He may see his annual Mother’s Day visit as non-negotiable, especially living hours away from his mom. But his failure to plan ahead—skipping calls, arriving late—signals a lack of effort that stings. The OP’s request was clear: don’t make her an afterthought. Yet, his actions suggest she’s still second in line.

This dynamic isn’t uncommon. A 2022 survey by the Pew Research Center found 60% of mothers feel underappreciated by their partners on holidays like Mother’s Day. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes, “Small, consistent acts of thoughtfulness build trust; neglect erodes it” (source). Here, the fiancé’s last-minute scramble mirrors a broader issue: unequal emotional labor in relationships.

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Gottman’s advice points to a fix—open communication and shared planning. The OP could express specific needs, like a morning call or a reserved dinner, while her fiancé must step up to prioritize her. Couples counseling could help them align before vows are exchanged. Readers, what’s your take—can they reset, or is this a red flag too big to ignore?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got no shortage of opinions, and this post lit up the comment section with some fiery takes. Buckle up for what the internet had to say—spoiler: it’s a wild ride!

B2EMO__ − Literally every post in the last 24-hours post-Mother's Day has been literally copy-and-paste

[Reddit User] − Why are you marrying someone who doesn't give a flying f**k about you?

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HeartAccording5241 − Please think before you marry him if he is this way before marriage how’s it going to be after

Ladyughsalot1 − Wow. NTA . He “slept” from breakfast til dinner? Really? . Couldn’t schedule a flower delivery. . Didn’t make a reservation. . Nothing. You’re the mother of his child and he failed you. 

Loose-Chemical-4982 − if this is how it is now, it won't get better after you're married. this man has been waving red flags in your face for years now. he's showing you who he is. move accordingly

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Individual_Plan_5593 − NTA He told you he'd be spending the day with you, coming home at about four hours to midnight is not spending the day together. If he had said you wouldn't be an afterthought but didn't specifically promise to spend the day with you I could see it from his side. It sounds like you two need to work one laying out your wants and needs more. Where were the specifics from either end?. All in all the whole not calling and then showing up late is a total show of disrespect regardless.

No_Winner1131 − NTA, lots of people are blaming you for not holding his hand through this difficult process ( /s ). He obviously knows how to make a mother feel appreciated, just doesn't want to make that effort for you. Actions vs words, belive his actions and act accordingly. 

Candid_Land8857 − I’d be rethinking the marriage. Women always hope a man is gonna change. Pro tip: Men hardly ever change. This is him before marriage. This is him on his best behavior.. If you marry him,. plan on being an afterthought for your whole marriage.

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Capable-Zombie1593 − NTA. If some of the commenters above actually read the full thing, they wouldn’t be posting YTA. Yes, his mother also deserves Mother’s Day too, but he was there earlier in the weekend for her, so the least he could do is make sure he gets back on the Sunday for some time. You need to sit down and really talk about fiancés priorities. Currently it doesn’t look like it is you at all, and trust me - that will not change when you get married if that is already the case now.

Independent-Tea8516 − What’s with these grown arsed men putting their mothers above their own bloody wife’s on mother day?? We had our Mother’s Day back in march my husband didn’t even go over to his mothers he spent the day with me and our kids took us out for a nice meal etc he did phone her and pop round the next day with her card and flowers but he would never do something like that so disrespectful f**k him man

B2EMO__ − Literally every post in the last 24-hours post-Mother's Day has been literally copy-and-paste

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Whew, those Redditors don’t mess around! But are they onto something, or is there more to this story? Maybe it’s time to chime in with your own thoughts.

This Mother’s Day mix-up leaves us wondering if love can bounce back from a fumble this big. The OP’s hurt is palpable—she’s not asking for grand gestures, just a seat at the table. Her fiancé’s heart may be split between families, but a wedding means choosing each other first. What would you do if you felt like an afterthought in your own love story? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this together.

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