AITA for asking my parents to stop telling people I am in hospital?

In times of medical crisis, privacy becomes more than a preference—it’s a critical part of the healing process. Currently hospitalized with a suspected lung clot, the 25‑year‑old woman finds her personal health news circulating widely against her wishes. The constant sharing of her condition, even while she grapples with grief over her late grandfather, has added an extra layer of stress to an already challenging situation.

Her plea for discretion stems not from malice but from a desire to manage her emotional well‑being during this vulnerable period. Despite her request to keep her hospital status private, her parents have been active on social media and in personal group chats, leaving her to face the dual burden of illness and unwanted attention.

‘AITA for asking my parents to stop telling people I am in hospital?’

Hi all. I (25f) am currently pregnant and have been admitted to hospital a few days ago for a suspected clot in my lung following severe chest pain. I am still in hospital right now. A few weeks ago, my wonderful maternal grandfather passed from cancer and we are obviously as a family still upset. 2.5 years ago I was in a car accident.

I broke my back in 3 places, my pelvis, and 3 ribs. It was during COVID so I was admitted to hospital and had loads of scans all through the day/night. Once they figured that I didn’t need corrective surgery they discharged me the following morning with morphine tablets and a wheelchair. I came out of hospital to around 100 messages from people I barely knew wishing me well.

My mum and stepdad had posted pictures of my wrecked car on Facebook and told everyone they knew about the accident and specifics about my injuries. At the time I asked them to take down the posts as I did not want people knowing all about my personal life. They never took the posts down.

Today my friend told me that my mum has been sending messages into group chats telling people that I am pregnant and in hospital. My stepdad told his family the same. I have told them that my husband and I want to share the news ourselves. I told them that I was so hurt and disappointed that they have told people and also lied to me about it.

I pointed out the lie and told them that I had again, received messages from others proving that they lied. My mum then sent me a voice note of her crying saying “sorry I don’t know what I have done but I am sorry. I must be the worst mother in the world. I am just so upset about Pappa too.” It was hard to hear her so upset by I just reiterated that asking for privacy was not too much to ask.

My stepdad who I have been very close to also sent me a voice note telling me that “they don’t need this stress” and to stop being so hateful over something so “trivial”. He told me that I was clearly hormonal but that he’ll “let it slide this time” because I am pregnant. He told me that my mum has cried for over 30 mins and it’s all my fault and that it’s all over nothing.

Also, that they told other people because they are worried about me. Hesaid they will never apologise as they haven’t done anything wrong. He also said that I am the daughter he never had and that he loves me but that he is so disappointed in my behaviour.. The original message that started this sent to my mum:

Sorry it’s just I’ve had messages from people today wishing me well in hospital so I know you lied about who you have told about me being here. I am just hurt and disappointed as I would have much preferred privacy.

I don’t feel like sharing any more because I don’t know who you are both sharing it with and it has actually made me being in hospital much more stressful I might be TA because we are all grieving and emotions are running high. I also don’t feel like they told other people in a malicious way, just thoughtless. So, AITA?

When facing serious health issues, maintaining control over personal information is vital for recovery. Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, reminds us that “setting boundaries is a radical act of self-care, especially during vulnerable times when your privacy is paramount.” Her insight emphasizes that demanding confidentiality during a health crisis is not about suppressing communication but protecting one’s mental and emotional well‑being.

Clear boundaries during times of stress are essential. In relationships—even with well‐meaning family members—overstepping personal privacy can compound existing distress. Experts argue that while love and concern are important, they should not come at the expense of the individual’s right to control their own narrative. Establishing what to share and when provides a critical buffer against the inadvertent triggers of additional anxiety.

Beyond personal preference, privacy in healthcare plays a role in reducing external pressure and negativity. Constant updates by family members, though perhaps intended to express care, can lead to public scrutiny and even unwanted pity or criticism. By setting boundaries, individuals can focus on recovery rather than managing a flood of unsolicited messages—a form of emotional clutter that may hinder the healing process.

Finally, mental health professionals note that respecting a patient’s request for privacy signals support and respect for their autonomy. When family members dismiss such requests or trivialize them as “just stress,” they can unwittingly invalidate the patient’s experience and need for a controlled, calm environment. In contrast, honoring these boundaries can positively impact the patient’s emotional resilience during recovery.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s stance.  Fellow users express strong disapproval of the parents’ behavior. Many comment that in a sensitive health crisis, respecting privacy is not only reasonable but necessary. They point out that while family concern is understandable, the added stress of publicizing one’s vulnerable state is unacceptable. Several users advise instituting an “information diet” for the parents until the OP chooses to share news on her own terms.

TitaniaT-Rex − NTA. THEY don’t need the stress?!? Give me a break! Perhaps the person hospitalized doesn’t need the stress! You’re pregnant, so it’s two lives on the line here. How can they possibly believe their “stress” of you being upset at them could possibly compare to the actual stress you’re under? They are selfish attention seekers.

OlympiaShannon − NTA. They overstepped your reasonable boundaries and are using your misfortune for personal attention. Then playing victim when you call them out.. You really should read Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents; it's a free pdf. https://pdfdrive.com.co/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents-pdf/?download=links

LoveyPudgy94 − Sounds like your parents, mom especially, has a gossiping problem.. Definitely NTA a lot of people don't want their personal life out there and that's fine

Public-Proposal7378 − NTA, they are now on an information diet. They get told nothing until you are ready to share with the world.

MagikTheMage − NTA, I would however go very low contact since they dont know what boundries are.

[Reddit User] − NTA. At all. Your health is your business. Your mom sounds incredibly manipulative and narcissistic by her “I must be the worst mom in the world” response. I’d be keeping them on a strict information diet from here on out. When it comes time to deliver the baby, I’d suggest not telling anyone. Tell them after the baby is born and you’ve had a chance to announce your good news. Otherwise they seem like the type who will tell everyone before you get a chance.

GothPenguin − I’m sorry for your loss. I understand that you are all grieving but absolutely nothing gives them the right to use your personal information to feed their need to be trauma vultures or to react as if you were in the wrong for setting some appropriate boundaries regarding your personal and private information. NTA

Dense-Passion-2729 − This is when you put your parents on an “information diet” and stop telling them privileged information if they can’t be trusted to respect your boundaries NTA and I hope you learn from this not to tell them when you go into labor if you don’t want that info shared

Gatodeluna − OP, you need to tell the nurse’s station that your parents, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc are NOT to be given any information about your condition - if you don’t do this, it will continue regardless.

Capturedbk1 − NTA Unfortunately they must know they have overstepped which makes it sad they won’t try to understand and apologise to someone in as stressful a situation as you are. Your stress levels atm are ***far, far*** more important to manage than their emotional manipulation, which is what both of their reactions are.

Your husband should step in on your behalf and tell them both that their behaviour is putting them at risk of not knowing anything further about your health or the baby if they cannot be trusted to keep your private information private.

In conclusion, this post underscores how crucial it is to maintain control over one’s personal health narrative—especially during difficult times. The OP’s request for privacy is not a call for secrecy out of malice but a plea for space to manage her stress and focus on recovery without external interference. Respecting personal boundaries during crises is key to preserving one’s well‑being, even when emotions and grief run high.

What would you do if you found your private health information being shared without your consent? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—your insights may help others navigate similar challenges.

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