AITAH for backing bags and leaving MILs house with baby?

Imagine landing after a 7,000-mile flight, eager for family time, only to wake up to a gut-punch: your toddler’s first haircut, stolen by a rogue pair of scissors wielded by your mother-in-law. For one mom, this wasn’t just about hair—it was a sacred milestone swiped without a whisper of consent, leaving her heart in knots.

She scooped up her 20-month-old and bolted to a hotel, her partner’s fury echoing her own. But as the dust settles, a nagging doubt creeps in—was cutting ties too drastic, or was this the final straw in a string of oversteps? Readers, buckle up for a tale of boundaries, betrayal, and a family teetering on the edge.

‘AITAH for backing bags and leaving MILs house with baby?’

Arrived at MILs house last night (flew ~7000 miles) and less than 15 hours later I packed our bags and left. We woke up this morning to find our 20 month old daughter’s hair cut (first hair cut). I told her how upset I was as that’s a first I can never get back. SO also furious and was shouting - I don’t condone this but I understand.

We are now staying at a hotel, she was meant to come on holiday with us for a week next week but at this point I’m cancelling her ticket and we’re done, SO text her 10 hours ago and no reply, no trying to meet up, nothing. I feel justified in saying I’m done forever (this is not the first boundary cross) but feel like maybe I’m a bit dramatic as I know it’s hair that grows back. AITAH? For clarity: she is not a hairdresser, she has not cut hair before, my daughter’s fringe is left at about 1/4 of an inch..

**UPDATE** MIL text SO tonight with “I said I was sorry”. He wanted nothing more but I made him ask to meet up - to which she replied no thanks I’m not keen on meeting (me), anyway I made him go and got him to bring baby as we won’t see them again for a long time and I didn’t want him to have regrets if anything happened etc. They sat down and had a long talk and in the end they both decided they love each other as they’re family but they don’t like each other.

The reason given was that in her day it wouldn’t be a big deal so she was doing us a favour, the reason she just left is because SO was shouting, the reason she didn’t want me there now is because it’s only about family, the reason she didn’t contact for 2+ days is because she was upset. We are flying tomorrow without her and I guess I don’t know if/when we will ever see each other again. It’s closure without any closure.

Family visits can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when boundaries get trampled. This mom’s story screams violation: her MIL snipped her toddler’s first haircut, a milestone most parents cherish, without asking. The mom and her partner fled to a hotel, canceling a planned vacation with MIL. It’s not just hair—it’s trust, shattered.

The MIL’s excuse? “In her day,” it wasn’t a big deal. But times change, and so do parenting norms. The mom’s hurt runs deep, amplified by past oversteps, while MIL’s dismissal—refusing to meet her—hints at stubborn entitlement. The partner’s shouting, though unproductive, shows shared outrage, but their talk revealed a stalemate: love without liking.

This taps a bigger issue: intergenerational boundary clashes. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association notes 60% of new parents report in-law conflicts over parenting choices, often escalating without clear communication. Respect matters more than tradition.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, writes, “Boundaries are about self-respect and mutual respect—without them, relationships fray.” Here, MIL’s act ignored the parents’ agency, and her weak apology didn’t mend fences. The mom’s exit was a stand for autonomy, but closure feels elusive.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up reactions spicier than a chili cook-off. From gasps to calls for consequences, here’s what the crowd had to say:

Gringa-Loca26 − You say this isn’t the first time she’s overstepped a boundary. Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions so you’re NTA.

Imaginary_Solid_5055 − NTA - Forget that this is the baby's first cut. What kind of psychopath, take baby away from sleeping parents to chop off her hair? I would never let her get near your child again.

CommitteeNo167 − NTA, she way overstepped her bounds, this should be the final straw with this b**ch.

Solid-Feature-7678 − NTA, and what she did is considered a**ault where I live.

That-Election9465 − This is a test MANY MILs like to play. Mine did this too. She had consequences. Yours should too. Don't bring her in that vacay. . .then keep your distance. Glad your SO is fully on the same side (right).

marbot99 − Go back there now! When she falls asleep, cut off her hair and say that the baby did it before you could stop her👍

BraveWarrior-55 − Your MIL took it upon herself to cut your baby's hair without permission? Of course you need to cut her off; that is a very clear boundary no normal person would cross. (and yes, it is just hair, but it is the boundary and entitlement of the action, not simply that the hair will grow out.) Going on holiday with her is also out of the question and I would be done forever too.

Debsrugs − Nta, my daughters mil, an absolute cunt, cut my grandsons blonde curly hair off when babysitting him, when he was about 18 months old, he had a beautiful 'shirly temple ' head of hair .it over 8 yrs ago now and I still want to knock that self obsessed b**ch out.

Content_Print_6521 − It's a really presumptious and selfish thing to do. My husband and his daughter cut my baby's gorgeous curly strawberry blond hair behind my back. That was 45 years ago and I am still pissed at them. Not even a lock for a keepsake. What was her explanation? Just a selfish old b**ch? I swear, I would have punched her in the nose on my way out the door.

RuthBourbon − I understand your fury. My in-laws cut my oldest daughter's hair WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER. My husband was at work and somehow they thought they were doing me a favor? I had mentioned getting the baby's hair cut but not without me! I was LIVID and came thisclose to throwing them out.. She's 28 now and engaged, and I'm still salty about it.

Sure, these takes are fiery, but do they cut to the core of the issue, or just fan the flames? The mom’s standing her ground, but is “done forever” the only path forward?

This hairy situation leaves us tangled in emotions. A first haircut, snipped without permission, isn’t just a trim—it’s a trust violation that sent this mom packing. Her MIL’s half-hearted “sorry” and family talk didn’t soothe the sting, leaving ties frayed and a vacation scrapped. Was she right to draw a hard line, or could bridges still be built?

We’re dying to hear from you! Have you faced an in-law who overstepped like this? What would you do in this mom’s shoes—cut contact or try for peace? Spill your stories below and let’s untangle this mess together.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *