AITAH for refusing to let my 20 year old daughter have her car back after she drove drunk?

In a turn of events charged with tension and defiance, a mother takes a hardline stance by refusing to return the family car to her 20-year-old daughter following a dangerous bout of drunk driving. The incident unfolded with a sequence of dramatic moments, highlighting the urgency and risks involved when personal choices collide with family safety.

The unfolding scenario, caught on a vigilant security camera, paints a vivid picture of responsibility clashing with reckless behavior. With emotions running high and trust shattered, the incident forces hard questions about the balance between compassion and discipline. This story sets the stage for a deeper exploration of accountability, family dynamics, and the consequences of risky decisions.

‘AITAH for refusing to let my 20 year old daughter have her car back after she drove drunk?’

Two days ago, my 20 yr old daughter drove drunk to get herself some food. I was working in the backyard and thought she was inside watching golf with her dad. When I realized she had driven after drinking that afternoon, I immediately got in my car, picked her up, and drove her home.

She is supposed to be returning to college any day now to start an internship there and I am adamant that she cannot have the car anymore until she earns my trust back. She can fly back to college and once there take lyft, ubers, public transportation, whatever, just not her car, which is actually *NOT HER CAR AS IT WAS PURCHASED FOR HER BY HER DAD.*

Problem is that her dad disagrees with me and wants her to have the car back. This is the same guy who called her while she was out driving drunk and all he did was tell her to

She says she doesn't really remember what she said in the car after I picked her up, further indication as to her level of intoxication. AITAH for fighting her dad to not let her take her car back to college after this?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Letting your daughter drive after a serious lapse in judgment can be a harrowing experience, and in this case, the stakes are exceptionally high. The OP recounts a chaotic day where timely intervention and a fierce determination to uphold safety led to a dramatic confrontation. The underlying message is clear: responsibility and caution are paramount when familial bonds collide with life-threatening behavior, setting the tone for the difficult decisions that follow.

The conflict stems not only from the reckless act itself but also from deeply divided parental philosophies. One parent advocates for a compassionate approach while the other demands strict consequences for behavior that jeopardizes lives. This tug-of-war mirrors broader societal debates about intervention versus enabling, where neither perspective is entirely without merit. Such complexities remind us that sometimes, disciplinary actions are necessary for long-term safety.

Looking at the issue on a larger scale, numerous studies emphasize the persistent dangers of drunk driving. Recent statistics reveal that approximately one-third of fatal traffic incidents involve impaired drivers—a stark reminder of the risks involved. According to Dr. Robert B. Voas, a recognized expert in traffic safety, “Every fatality due to drunk driving is a call to action—strict measures can significantly reduce these tragedies.” His insights stress that firm interventions are crucial in preventing future harm.

Building on this expert perspective, many safety advocates argue that a strict parental response can serve as a vital deterrent. Rather than offering leniency to dangerous behavior, enforcing consequences sends a clear message about the gravity of irresponsible choices. Legal frameworks and community guidelines both support the notion that clear, uncompromising rules can avert potential disasters, ensuring that risky behavior is addressed head-on before it escalates further.

Finally, actionable advice derived from this analysis stresses the importance of consistent discipline paired with open, honest communication. The decision to withhold privileges, though severe, can ultimately encourage more responsible behavior. Establishing firm boundaries now not only aims to protect the individual involved but also safeguards the community at large. Engaging in supportive dialogue and seeking professional guidance remains key to navigating such emotionally charged situations.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid, humorous, and unfiltered.

NillaGorillaaa − NTA, your husband is enabling some horrible decisions here

mustang19671967 − Really your husband thinks it’s ok to give your daughter her car back after showing she will. Drive drunk tonget food let alone parties every weekend at school. I would also make her take one of the courses the courts make drunk drivers take . Husband is a jack off and my guess at that age was driving drunk

kmflushing − I have no sympathy for drunk drivers. Sorry, but they are welcome to kill themselves. The problem is that they often kill innocent people minding their own business. I've known 3 people killed by drunk drivers, their 3 families destroyed. An elderly grandpa, a 7 year girl, and a brand new nursing mother. Drunk drivers are despicable.. Do not let your daughter officially become one of these despicable people.

Idonotgiveacrap − NTA, this is the kind of recklessness that get innocents killed. She doesn't deserve to drive her own car if she's this irresponsible.

teresajs − NTA. If your daughter had caused an accident and done damage to another party in excess of your insurance coverage, your husband could be held entirely liable for the remainder of costs.  Your husband could be sued for millions of dollars. . Is he still okay with his daughter driving drunk?

Lumpy_Ad7002 − NTA. Better a live daughter that hates you then a dead daughter that no longer cares. Even just a DUI has serious consequences and means a visit to jail, thousands of dollars in costs, a criminal record, and problems crossing the border (Canada will outright refuse you). And as others have mentioned, since it's his car you could lose your home and saving if she gets into an accident while drunk. He could even end up in prison.

wastelandwonder42 − NTA young adults are Hella self destructive unintentionally. That's what a good parent does is parent from cradle till their own grave. It's unfortunate but a firm and loving hand can go a long ways to save everyone heartache.

Electrical-Stable498 − NTA she needs to be taught. And dad needs to get on board with this. It makes me wonder does she do this at college too? My daughter always knows not to drink and drive. We’ve had pick her up after she called and said she was drinking. When she’s at home she’ll drink but won’t drive and does Uber or door dash

cachalker − Two separate issues are possible here. On one side, morally and ethically, absolutely NTA. Drunk driving is a scourge. As a victim of an i**oxicated driver, who nearly killed me, I have zero patience for those who choose to drive drunk.

On the other side, legally, it’s a gray area. Depends on whose name the car is in and who is paying for the car and insurance. If you’re paying for the car and insurance (i.e., it’s in your name), then absolutely take that little perk away. What she did was irresponsible and if she had injured or killed someone, you would have been liable for the harm she caused.

However, if the car is in your daughter’s name, that’s boggier ground…legally. Please note that I’d still applaud you for taking the car away, just a warning that if it’s legally hers and she wants to take it further, it’s likely going to go in her favor. As she is a 20 yo college student, I suspect that the title, car payments and insurance are all on you, even though it’s “her” car.

In which case, she’s lost the privilege of driving a vehicle you are legally responsible for. Do whatever you have to do, whatever the circumstances. Drunk driving is a 100% preventable crime. A crime. It’s not an error in judgement. It’s not a mistake. It’s a choice.

Peachy-Owl − NTA and thank you OP. I lost 3 members of my family to a drunk driver a few years ago. Our family has never recovered. Thank you for stepping up. You may have saved a life.

These opinions range from staunch support for the firm decision made by the OP to warnings about the potential consequences of enabling dangerous behavior. While some see the strict measures as necessary for saving lives, others question if more compassion could have been part of the solution. Do these varied viewpoints mirror broader debates on parental intervention?

The story underscores the complex crossroads of parental love, responsibility, and the urgent need for safety. It challenges us to think about where we draw the line between compassion and accountability when loved ones make dangerous choices. What would you do if you were in a situation where your family’s safety was at risk because of a reckless decision? Share your thoughts, experiences, and insights in the comments below – your perspective might just spark a meaningful conversation.

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