AITA for not giving my mom a “grandmother experience” with my baby?

The air felt thick with unspoken expectations as Sarah cradled her six-month-old son, his tiny fingers curling around hers. She’d dreamed of motherhood, but what she hadn’t anticipated was her own mother turning it into a tug-of-war. At 52, Sarah’s mom was bursting with grandmotherly zeal, her eyes gleaming with plans for nurseries and weekend sleepovers. Yet, what seemed like love soon felt like an invasion—unannounced visits, endless critiques, and a sense that Sarah’s baby was her mom’s second chance at parenting.

For Sarah, every coo and cuddle was a moment to cherish, not share under pressure. Readers might feel their own family tensions bubble up, wondering where love ends and boundaries begin. Her story, raw and relatable, pulls us into the messy dance of new motherhood, where saying “no” to a loved one can feel like a battlefield declaration. How does a daughter balance her mother’s dreams with her own?

‘AITA for not giving my mom a “grandmother experience” with my baby?’

I (27F) had my first baby six months ago, and my mom (52F) has been over the top obsessed with being a grandmother. I expected her to be excited, but I didnt realize she saw this as her big life event. Before my son was even born, she started acting like she was gearing up to raise him alongside me.

She set up a full nursery at her house, kept talking about all the weekends hed be spending with her, and told me she planned to be there for all the firsts. It was weird, but I brushed it off as excitement. Then he was born, and it got worse. She constantly criticizes everything I do. If I let him nap in my arms, Im spoiling him, if I dont bring him over enough, Im keeping him from her.

Shes started showing up unannounced, and if I dont let her take the baby alone, she acts hurt, like I don't trust her. The final straw was last week at a family gathering. I was holding my son when she suddenly reached for him and tried to take him out of my arms, saying I needed a break. I pulled back and told her,

Later, she sent me this long message about how Im denying her the grandmother experience and treating her like a stranger. Now my dad and siblings are saying I should let her be more involved because she just loves him so much. I dont want to shut her out, but I also dont want to feel like I have to share my baby and being constantly criticized. Am I being too harsh?. AITA?

Navigating family expectations as a new parent can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. Sarah’s struggle highlights a classic tension: a grandparent’s enthusiasm clashing with a parent’s need for autonomy. Her mom’s eagerness, while rooted in love, veers into overstepping, leaving Sarah feeling judged and crowded. This isn’t just about one baby—it’s about boundaries, a universal tug-of-war in families.

Why the intensity? Grandparents often see their role as a chance to relive parenting, says Dr. Jane Adams, a family dynamics expert. In a 2023 article on Psychology Today, she notes, “Grandparents may overstep when they feel entitled to influence, especially if their identity hinges on this role.” Sarah’s mom seems to equate involvement with validation, but her approach risks alienating her daughter.

This dynamic isn’t rare. A 2021 study from Family Relations found 30% of new parents report boundary conflicts with grandparents, often over childcare decisions. Sarah’s mom’s unannounced visits and critiques mirror this, signaling a need for clearer lines. Her hurt feelings, though real, don’t justify dismissing Sarah’s autonomy.

What can Sarah do? Dr. Adams suggests calm, direct communication: set specific times for visits and clarify roles. Sarah might say, “I love your excitement, but I need space to parent.” If tensions persist, short breaks in contact can reset dynamics without cutting ties. Readers, have you faced similar pressures? Share below!

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit peanut gallery didn’t hold back, dishing out a colorful buffet of reactions to Sarah’s saga—from fiery support to practical nudges. It’s like eavesdropping on a lively coffee shop debate, with everyone chiming in on where grandma’s enthusiasm went off the rails. Below are the unfiltered takes from the crowd, packed with wit, empathy, and a few raised eyebrows:

biblio_squid − Oof. No. She has this imaginary vision of what being a grandma is and she will take anything from you to get it. Listen to your internal voice, and tell her no

Away-Elephant-4323 − I understand she wants to be a part of his life which is great! But she needs to understand you need time with him yourself to learn and parent in your own way, without having her constantly giving suggestions, everyone’s parenting is different she needs to let you breathe a bit, she can still be in his life without acting like his mother though that’s your job.

adjudicateu − Yikes! Tell dad she’s needs to back off and sibs that they are welcome to have a baby for her. That’s just creepy. I have three grands and I would never do that to my daughter. She needs to get her own life. NTA

Flatulent_Opposum − NTA. Your mom only gets to have as much contact with your son as you and your partner decide. She doesn't get a vote in the matter. You should gently let her know if she keeps overstepping your boundaries she is liable to get to see him less since by doing so she is disrespecting you.

SableDove − NTA. Your baby is not a community project, and your mom is acting like she signed up for a co-parenting role she was never offered. Loving her grandkid is great, but boundary stomping and guilt trips? Not so much. She can be involved without taking over.

thatlady425 − Your mother is wildly overstepping. I would stop giving into her immediately. Cold turkey! If she continues to push your boundaries then you cut her off. It may be harsh but maybe she will get it together l. You also need to set the same standards with your father and siblings. She will get what grandmother privileges you feel are appropriate. Otherwise she can have none. Your baby. Your choice. Nothing else matters.

Lillebet2020 − Change your locks, she sound’s unhinged

MarionberryOk2874 − ‘Denying her the grandmother experience’ …made me eye roll so hard. Ugh. Sorry your mom is inserting herself into your ‘motherhood experience’! It won’t be easy, but you’ll need to have a heart to heart with her and find a happy medium or this will only get worse.

Be honest, tell her you are starting to pull back because you don’t appreciate being criticized at every turn, and you want to get to a place where having her help is pleasant and welcome vs being stressful. Use that word, ‘Mom, I love you but you’re stressing me out…we need to find a balance between your grandmother experience and my motherhood experience.’ NTA - Good luck OP

Enough-Parking164 − STAND FIRM! Your child needs PARENTING-not being an old ladies hobby and validation. She’s clearly already determined to be in control-DO NOT LET HER! Her feeeeeeelings come a distant third in this scenario.

Equivalent-Alarm-424 − Repeat after me. A child is not brought into this world to fulfill obligations.

These Redditors aren’t shy, tossing out advice like it’s a family barbecue. Some see Sarah as a hero for drawing a line, while others nudge her toward a heart-to-heart to cool the drama. But do their spicy takes nail the whole story, or are they just cheering from the sidelines? One thing’s clear: this clash of mom versus grandma has everyone picking a side. What’s your take—can Sarah keep the peace without losing her groove?

Sarah’s story is a raw slice of life, where love and limits collide in the chaos of new parenthood. It’s easy to cheer her on for standing her ground, but it’s also a reminder that family ties thrive on give-and-take. Can Sarah find a way to let her mom shine as a grandma without dimming her own light as a mom? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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