AITA for telling my son that I think he’s taking advantage of his girlfriend?

Picture a cozy family living room, where a grandmother’s heart tugs as she watches her grandson cling to his dad’s young girlfriend, Grace, like a lifeline. The 59-year-old mom can’t shake a nagging worry—her son’s life seems to glide smoothly while Grace, barely 19, juggles college, work, and childcare with a smile.

What starts as a heartwarming bond between Grace and the toddler feels like a slippery slope to this seasoned mom. She sees Grace missing classes and shifts, her youth slipping under the weight of unasked duties. When she voices her concern, sparks fly, leaving her questioning if she’s meddled too far. Readers, brace for a tale of love, responsibility, and family tension that’ll have you picking sides.

‘AITA for telling my son that I think he’s taking advantage of his girlfriend?’

My 59F son 23M has a baby with his ex girlfriend. The child is two. I don’t want to break the subreddit’s rules but essentially, she baby trapped him and it was a very toxic relationship. There was a massive issue with the paternity of my grandson but I’m very proud of how he dealt with the situation.

He never stopped loving and caring for the child, usually on his own, even when he wasn’t sure if the baby was his. Now, my son is dating a much nicer girl, Grace (19F). She is the best friend of my youngest son (20M). Grace loves children. She adores my grandson and often calls him ‘her baby’. My grandson likes her too and it’s very adorable.

I’ve known Grace for a long time and I think she’s just perfect. The issue is, my son has started to give her a lot of child care responsibilities. My grandsons biological mother is hardly involved and my son is usually co-parenting with her parents instead of her so we have our grandson for most of the time.

Once, Grace spent the night in hospital with my grandson while my son was studying for an exam and it seems like her life is slowly starting to revolve around my grandson and his naps, his feeding schedule etc. Every free moment she has from college and work is spent with my grandson.

I don’t want interfere but I’m going to be realistic, they have only been together for a year and what if they don’t work out? Then my grandson will be attached to someone he won’t see anymore. Additionally, she is very young and needs to live her life instead of being a mom so young. Last week, my grandson was sick and my son had returned from work to come check on him.

Grace was cuddling him at this point as she had been with him the whole day. My son tried to take him but he wanted to stay with Grace, so she said she would stay up with him and call out of work the next day. This is also not the first time she’s missed work or school to care for my grandson.

Grace took him upstairs and my husband made a comment about how my son didn’t need to try so hard with his ex anymore to get her to parent when Grace was right here ‘being his mother’. My son then said Grace was a godsend because without her he’d ‘get no sleep’. I took him aside and told him that I thought he was taking advantage of her and her time.

He asked me what I meant and I told him that at 19, he was partying and having a blast every weekend but Grace was busy caring for a sick child that wasn’t even hers. I pointed out that she was missing out on work and school for him and my son got pissed and accused me of calling him abusive.

He also said that it was good she wasn’t partying because it wasn’t ’good or safe’ anyway. He then took Grace and his son back to his place and hasn’t let me see my grandson since. My husband thinks I was out of line because Grace is helping our son through something difficult and I’m starting to feel bad. My son wants an apology and he wants me to promise not to bring this up to Grace and give her any ideas.

Edit: Just want to clear something up. My son is not partying and leaving my grandson with Grace. I told him that at 19 he was out partying and at 19, Grace is being a mother to a child that isn’t hers. I was making a comparison.

Raising a child in a blended family can feel like juggling flaming torches—tricky but doable with care. This mom’s story highlights a delicate balance: her son’s reliance on Grace versus Grace’s own life goals. The mother sees Grace stepping into a mom-like role, missing school and work to care for a toddler.

Her son, meanwhile, leans on this support, perhaps too comfortably, studying and working without the same sacrifices. He bristles at criticism, hinting at defensiveness. Is he valuing Grace’s help or her convenience? The mom’s nudge might sting, but it’s a fair question. Grace’s age—19—adds urgency; her choices now could shape her future.

This taps into a broader issue: unequal relationship dynamics. A 2021 study from the Pew Research Center notes that young women often face pressure to prioritize caregiving over personal goals, which can lead to resentment or burnout. Grace’s devotion is sweet, but sustainability matters.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “The best relationships are built on mutual respect and shared effort.” Applying this, Grace deserves a voice in her role, not just praise for filling gaps. The son could reflect on whether he’s fostering partnership or dependency.

For solutions, open dialogue is key. The couple might discuss boundaries—like Grace setting childcare limits to protect her studies. The mom could gently encourage Grace to prioritize herself, perhaps over coffee, without ultimatums. Readers, what’s your take on balancing love and fairness here?

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a summer barbecue, and this story lit up the comments section. Here’s a peek at what folks had to say, unfiltered and spicy:

PracticalPrimrose − NTA.. The sentence that seals the deal is that he doesn’t want you to give Grace “any ideas”.. In other words he 100% knows he’s taking advantage and (grossly) doesn’t want to rebalance.. He will make Grace a terrible long term partner.

andromache97 − NTA my husband made a comment about how my son didn’t need to try so hard with his ex anymore to get her to parent when Grace was right here ‘being his mother’. My son then said Grace was a godsend because without her he’d ‘get no sleep’.. these men really only care about themselves omg.. give her any ideas this gives me the ick so bad.....at least let Grace think for herself.

she might disagree very strongly with you and be happy with your son and grandson. but he should give her the chance to say that. the fact that he is afraid of you

mistora − NTA, if I can ask how long have they been dating? As this seems to have moved very quickly as it sounds like she's taken on the full mother role. He is asking alot of her and while it's her choice if that's what she wants, it's good someone is making sure the arrangement is fair. Because honestly if she's missing out on work and school it's not 100% balanced as your sons life is taking priority in the relationship and that's something she may regret later.

AriDiamondGold − Talk to Grace.

Only_trans_ − 19 is a bit young to be dating a 23 year old man with a kid, you’re right to be concerned NTA

Skydiving_Sus − I mean, it seems like he got offended because you're right. But ultimately, it's Grace's decision if she wants to be a mother to this child. You'd like to hope that your son would be like,

If he's scared that you'll scare her off with this sort of talk, it makes it seem that's the priority there, not actual affection for Grace. If he cared about Grace, he'd want to make sure she doesn't feel like she's being taken advantage of, and that knowledge would come through conversation, not ignoring the question.. NTA, imo

UMAbyUMA − NTA. But the behavior of your son and your husband makes me feel a bit disgusted. Their comments may not be intentional, but it seems deep down they just see Grace as a convenient mother figure, rather than someone to care for and respect as a person. This is indeed a form of exploitation.

Your son asking you not to speak up about it indicates that he also knows his behavior is problematic. I'm not saying he doesn't have a chance to change, but I can only hope that your upbringing is honest enough to prevent him from going too far down the path of exploiting women (although your husband also worries me, so I'm not too hopeful).

NoGur9007 − So your son’s reaction is to isolate Grace from you? Now that’s not abusive at all lol.. NTA. I think he is worried Grace will wake up soon and realize she is a nanny for him

Authentic_Jester − NTA, your son definitely is taking advantage of that girl. He's 4 years older and she's a friend of the younger sibling? Yikes all around imo.

_Just_Here_TimePass_ − NTA You just advised your son to look into his relationship's dynamics because it was definitely unstable. You are experienced and know that your son isn't doing right by letting his gf miss school and work for his kids while he goes out partying. Sure, its a delight that Grace helps with the kid but it doesn't mean that she's ready to take on the complete mother role and n**lect the educational and professional aspects of her life.

But let’s be real—do these Reddit roasts nail the truth, or are they just popcorn-worthy takes? Grace’s heart seems all-in, but is she signing up for more than she bargained for?

This family saga leaves us with more questions than answers. Grace’s love for the toddler is pure gold, but at 19, should she be playing mom full-time? The grandmother’s heart was in the right place, but her son’s reaction shows how touchy these talks can get. Families blend, bend, and sometimes break under pressure—what’s the right move here?

Readers, we want your thoughts! Have you navigated a tricky family dynamic like this? What would you do if you saw a loved one’s partner carrying too much? Drop your stories below and let’s keep the conversation rolling.

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