AITA for cutting off my brother after he told my boyfriend it’s okay to cheat on me?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In the intricate web of family relationships, betrayal can hit harder than expected. Recently, a 23-year-old woman faced a heartbreaking dilemma when her own brother, a figure who was supposed to stand by her, made a callous remark to her boyfriend—condoning infidelity. The shock of those words, coming from someone she once trusted, shattered the fragile foundation of familial love.

The incident unfolds amidst a backdrop of long-standing tension. Despite years of dismissive teasing and subtle digs, nothing prepared her for a betrayal that intertwined with her personal life. Now, with family loyalties in disarray and emotional wounds fresh, she questions whether maintaining these toxic bonds is worth the price of her self-respect and well-being.

‘AITA for cutting off my brother after he told my boyfriend it’s okay to cheat on me?’

I (23F) recently had a falling out with my brother (29M) after finding out something awful he said about me. Apparently, he told my boyfriend (24M) that it’s totally fine to cheat on me as long as he “comes back and loves me.” I was completely shocked and disgusted when I found out.

My brother and Fiancé stayed out for drinks whilst I took my parents home in a taxi. That night they were both drinking, he also told my fiancé I am lazy because I’m in between jobs atm and I should be losing weight in the gym.

He’s always had this superiority complex and talks down to me like I’m an immature little girl even when he still lives at home - although with his own business and I moved out at 18 to get a degree and have lived and worked 3 hours away since.

I’ve put up with his insults and teasing as a ‘big brother’ for years, but this crossed the line. When I told my parents about what was said that night out of desperation of comfort, it seems that he is denying it and “pissed” that my fiancé told me.

It seems now that my parents are furious at my fiancé for telling me (which I think was the right thing to do), and want me to forgive and forget it all because I make him feel ‘awkward’ when I go home to visit. I feel completely alone in this as it feels as though somehow all this has turned around on me, and now my fiancé and I are bad guys. So, AITA for refusing to tolerate my brother’s behavior and cutting him off?
Navigating family conflicts is one of the most challenging aspects of our personal relationships. In this case, the sister’s decision to cut off her brother comes as a response to words that breached a sacred trust. By encouraging her boyfriend to reveal what he heard, she was not only upholding honesty in her relationship but also drawing an unmistakable line against toxic behavior.

Her brother’s cavalier attitude—suggesting it was fine to cheat as long as love eventually resumed—represents a deep-seated disregard for boundaries and respect. This incident, coupled with years of belittlement, highlights the real harm that insensitive family dynamics can inflict. It forces us to ask: when do we decide that preserving our own mental and emotional health is more important than maintaining blood ties?

According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “The relationship’s success depends less on the absence of conflict than on how you manage it.” His insight reminds us that it isn’t the existence of disagreements that defines healthy relationships, but the willingness to set boundaries and cultivate respect.

In this context, choosing to sever ties with a toxic family member may not only be an act of self-care but also a necessary step toward emotional integrity. Couples and families alike can benefit from clarifying expectations and ensuring that respect remains at the forefront of every interaction. For more guidance on handling such conflicts, resources from The Gottman Institute offer practical strategies and further insights.

See what others had to share with OP:

Broadly speaking, the Reddit community rallied around the OP’s decision, with many expressing support for her stance. A prevalent theme in the comments is that the toxic behavior of a family member—especially one that undermines trust and respect—justifies setting clear boundaries. While some users lament the breakdown of family ties, most agree that her emotional well-being should come first. In essence, the community sees her choice as a necessary step toward self-preservation in the face of relentless negativity.

jrm1102 − NTA - your brother is a toxic twat. Edit and yes. The parents are assholes too.

Horror-Ladder9340 − Nope, your family are all THAs though, which sucks for you. I’m happy for you that you found a fiancé who is honest with you.

Unable_Elephant610 − NTA. Your brother is a piece of s**t, I can’t believe he said that about his OWN SISTER. Your parents are unhinged as well if they’re mad at your fiance for this.

ctomas1984 − NTA. Maybe your parents are reacting this way out of embarrassment they've raised such a monster

merishore25 − So your parents aren’t upset with your brother for saying those things. NTA. Your brother sounds like he is and that his behavior is overlooked by the family.

ForwardPlenty − NTA. If someone makes your life better by being out of it, then you have every right to get them out of your life. You need to decide how to handle future family gatherings and get togethers.

The fact that he lied about his disrespectful comments and was actually mad at your boyfriend for telling you just demonstrates how toxic he is. There is no world in which his comments would be okay, so you don't have to put up with that.

NYCStoryteller − NTA. Your parents are just upset that their golden boy looks bad because he's a toxic AH and so are they.. Your fiance should absolutely have told you all of this. He sounds like the keeper in this group.

nylonvest − NTA but I actually have a much bigger problem with how your parents acted in this story than your brother. He's a loser and he was looking for attention. You should tell your parents that they crossed a line with you and they should worry about you forgiving THEM for so blatantly and obviously loving your brother more than you.. You'll forgive your brother when he deserves it and not a moment before.

jahubb062 − If your parents want you to suck it up so your brother doesn’t feel awkward when you visit, the obvious solution is don’t visit. If your parents want to maintain a relationship with you, 100% of the responsibility for that now falls on them.

Set the boundary that you will not discuss your brother at all, nor will you discuss your relationship with him. Tell them since Bro still lives at home, you will no longer visit them. If they want to see you, they can come to you. I would tell them nothing about your relationship. Tell them nothing you wouldn’t want Bro to know.

Jsmith2127 − NTA tell your parents that in a healthy relationship partners tell each other everything, and if they don't have that kind of relationship that you feel sorry for them.. Tell your brother to go eff himself.. I'd contemplating uninviting all of them from your wedding, if this is how they feel.

In conclusion, this deeply personal story forces us to examine the limits of familial loyalty and the importance of protecting one’s emotional well-being. When a family member repeatedly undermines trust and dignity, perhaps the only solution is to put your own needs first. What would you do in a situation where blood ties cause more pain than comfort? Share your thoughts and join the conversation—your insights could help others navigating similar turbulent waters.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *