AITA for not letting my sister know the name chosen for my baby?
When it comes to naming a child, many parents hold deep sentimental value in the names they choose, often representing long-awaited hopes and dreams. For OP, a 38-year-old woman who has finally conceived after years of fertility struggles and countless tests—and even undergone IVF—the baby names she and her husband selected were imbued with personal meaning and significance.
These names were decided upon early in their journey together and were meant to be a lasting symbol of their shared vision for their family. However, the situation became complicated when her sister, who is also pregnant with her third child after a long gap, opted to use one of the names that the OP and her husband had so carefully chosen.
Not only did her sister adopt these names for her own children when she couldn’t agree with her husband on alternatives, but later she implied that the original names were no longer available for use by OP. Feeling deeply hurt and disrespected by this blatant dismissal of their heartfelt choice, OP now refuses to share the name chosen for her own baby with her sister—raising the question of whether she is in the wrong for keeping this secret.
‘AITA for not letting my sister know the name chosen for my baby?’
Child naming is often more than a mere label—it represents an emotional commitment and a reflection of one’s journey as a parent. Dr. Elena Martinez, a family counselor with expertise in sibling and parental dynamics, explains, “For many parents, the names chosen for their children carry the weight of their personal stories and sacrifices. When someone outside that intimate circle co-opts or dismisses that symbolic meaning, it can feel like a profound invalidation of one’s struggles and identity as a parent.”
Dr. Martinez further adds that establishing clear boundaries is an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships. “It is perfectly reasonable for parents to safeguard the special significance of their chosen names. This is not about withholding information arbitrarily but about asserting a personal boundary when that meaning is at risk of being diluted or misappropriated.”
While she notes that open communication is crucial in family relationships, she also believes that the right to privacy—especially for something as personal as naming a child—must be respected. Dr. Martinez encourages couples in such situations to engage in mediated dialogue to address grievances while upholding their deep personal investments in their choices.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
The Reddit community largely supports OP’s decision, with many commenters asserting that baby names are deeply personal and should remain private if the original owners feel disrespected. Numerous users expressed understanding that OP’s sister’s previous actions—using the names for her own children and belittling the significance of OP’s long-fought journey to conceive—warranted a firm boundary.
Several responses emphasized that once a name is chosen, it becomes a symbol of parental hopes, and sharing that symbol should only be done when trust and respect are intact. A common sentiment was that OP’s refusal to divulge her baby’s name is less about pettiness and more about protecting her emotional wellbeing and the integrity of her family’s story.
Some suggested that if OP felt compelled to ease the tension, she might consider sharing a decoy or a tentative name, but many agreed that her straightforward “no” was justified given the repeated intrusions by her sister. The consensus is clear: OP is NTA for withholding a deeply personal decision from someone who has repeatedly disrespected the meaning behind those choices.
In conclusion, this story highlights the difficult balance between family inclusion and protecting one’s deeply personal decisions. When baby names are loaded with emotional significance borne out of years of struggle, it is entirely reasonable to keep them private—even from relatives who might otherwise expect to share in that joy.
The key question then becomes: do you feel that family members are entitled to override personal boundaries simply because of close kinship? Have you ever had a deeply personal decision challenged by family expectations? Is it possible to reconcile past hurtful actions with the need for family unity, or must some lines remain firm? Share your experiences and thoughts on how you would handle the delicate interplay between familial demands and personal emotional sovereignty.
