AITA for telling my sister if mom isn’t good enough for her then neither am I and we’re not sister’s anymore?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Family relationships are often as complex as they are passionate—especially when loyalties get mixed and painful histories resurface. In this case, a 21-year-old woman reaches her breaking point when her 16-year-old sister, Lola, seems to choose an alternate version of reality where their mother is deemed unworthy. For years, external influences and a twisted family narrative painted a very different picture of their shared past. Now, the bond between the sisters is splintering under the weight of hurt feelings and irrevocable decisions.

Overwhelmed by betrayal and disillusionment, the elder sister delivers an ultimatum that is as painful as it is resolute: if their mother isn’t good enough for Lola, then she isn’t either—and they’re not sisters anymore. The emotional fallout was immediate, sending shockwaves through their fragile family unit and forcing everyone to confront the consequences of long-standing manipulation and parental alienation.

‘AITA for telling my sister if mom isn’t good enough for her then neither am I and we’re not sister’s anymore?’

I (21f) have a sister Lola (16f). We have the same mom but different dads. Her dad cheated on my mom when she was 1 and left to be with the other woman and he wasn't in her life for a couple of years. He only started being a dad to her when his relationship with the other woman broke down. But by the time Lola was 7 they were back together.

Lola's dad and his wife were awful to me and mom. She used to call me a little brat and called my mom other... less kind things. She'd even comment about all the stuff Lola had because she had a dad and I didn't. Behind the scenes her dad's wife was in her ear making all these claims that mom wasn't a good person and making up crazy s**t.

Like how mom had stabbed her dad in the stomach and that's why they broke up. Or how mom stopped Lola from travelling with her dad and his wife and how they wanted to take her all over the world but mom said no. Lola was spoiled by her dad's wife and it made her act like that woman was the best person. Mom brought it up in court and even got a therapist involved for Lola as proof.

But Lola never said what her dad's wife told her. She told me but I didn't count as proof. So in court mom couldn't do anything. Lola's dad and his wife were warned parental alienation was serious and stuff but nothing happened. After court her dad's wife treated us worse. And Lola got even closer to her and started treating mom like s**t.

It all led to Lola saying in court she wanted to live with her dad and never with mom. The court gave Lola permission to choose. She said mom wasn't good enough to be her mom and her dad's wife had shown her what an actual good mom will do for her kid. But she wanted a relationship with me still.

She called me and invited me over and wanted to hang out and after she called a few times I told her to stop trying to hang out with me. I told her the way she treated mom, the fact she said mom wasn't good enough for her meant I'm not either and I told her since she has a new mom we're not sisters anymore.

Lola cried down the phone and asked me why I was being so cruel and I told her I didn't like the person she'd become and to go cry to her new mommy since she was so into everything that evil b**ch said. Lola's dad went nuts over it and because Lola was crying mom got called about it and told I needed to apologize.

Mom asked me if I really made Lola cry and I said yeah. I told her I didn't want to speak to her while she was being like that. I said if she doesn't care how that woman treats us and then shits all over her, then 16 or not I'm done with her. Mom understood. She knows how awful her ex's wife is.. But AITA for what I said to my sister?

Family dynamics, particularly when blended families and high-conflict divorce scenarios are involved, can create deep divisions that challenge the very notion of unconditional love. Relationship expert Dr. Susan Johnson explains, “In cases where parental alienation occurs, siblings can inadvertently become pawns in a larger family conflict. The betrayal of one parent, especially when manipulated by external influences, forces the other family members to reconsider where their loyalties truly lie.” Dr. Johnson’s insights highlight that what may appear as a personal attack is often the culmination of long-term emotional manipulation and unmet needs.

In a blended family, where loyalty battles are common, the pressure on children to choose sides is immense. When a teenager, like Lola, internalizes a skewed narrative painted by influential figures—often without fully understanding the underlying familial love—it can lead to decisions that sever longstanding bonds. The elder sister’s drastic statement reflects not only her hurt and frustration but also a protective mechanism against further emotional harm. “Setting boundaries is essential for individual mental health,” Dr. Johnson adds. “When relationships become toxic, it is sometimes necessary to distance oneself for personal well-being.”

Moreover, the conflict underscores the importance of therapy and open family counseling. A long-term strategy might involve professional intervention to untangle the web of lies and hurt that has taken root over years. For the sisters involved, clear communication is hampered by unresolved resentments and the manipulation of parental figures.

The expert viewpoint emphasizes that while anger and ultimatums are understandable emotional reactions, they also serve as a cry for help—a signal that the family system as a whole has broken down. Ultimately, the responsibility for healing lies not in forcing forgiveness, but in acknowledging the pain and working towards mutual understanding over time.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and unfiltered. Many commenters were quick to endorse the elder sister’s decision, asserting that Lola’s actions were unforgivable given her treatment of their mother. The general consensus is that family loyalty should never come at the expense of one’s self-respect or the well-being of those who have always been there for you.

Sophia-journey − NTA. Actions have consequences. She burned the bridge, and now she’s mad it’s gone. She doesn’t get to trash your mom and expect you to be cool with it. She’s 16, not 6—she knew what she was doing.

Spoedi-Probes − NTA. She's 16 and old enough to know that some people are talking s**t. FAFO.. She can now try to find the truth for herself, IF she wants too!

DaDuchess-1025 − NTA - she's old enough to ask the difficult questions. She doesn't want the real answer, she wants her perfect life the way it is, and to add you. Why do they think your mom can make you apologize. One, you are a grown woman. Two, you can choose to have relationships with whoever you want. She's all about stuff and not sustenance. She's got her

DeterminedTsjessa − NTA. Actions have consequences, even at 16. She chose to spit on the one person who’s actually been there for her. You don’t owe her a relationship just because she suddenly wants to play ‘sisters’ now. She can’t pick and choose when family matters.

Similar-Traffic7317 − NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your Mom! Your sister needs to learn about consequences. She doesn't get to have her way all the time, that's life and she has never learned that lesson. Don't apologize because you did nothing wrong. It sucks that your sister was brainwashed and spoiled into hating your Mom. I bet she will regret it one day.

Ginger630 − NTA! Your sister is an awful person for treating your mother like that. She was absolutely manipulated by her father and stepmother. But she’s old enough to know better. And YOU are cruel? What a h**ocrite! She can treat your mother like that and thinks you should treat her nicely?! How delusional.

I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who treated my mother like that. And what her dad says has no bearing on you. He isn’t your dad. How dare he think he can just demand an apology from you? And after the way he and his wife treated you as well? You aren’t related to these people.. Honestly you need to block him and his wife. I’d block your sister too.

DJ_HouseShoes − NTA. She's old enough to learn about FAFO.

Amaranthim − Not at all. Your sister is an immature child- obvious since she is jut a kid. But I would not give her even an inch of grace at this point. She has to apologize to both you and your mom. OP, you do not owe her anything but this very important lesson you have taught her. Actions have consequences. If she learns from it and can prove she is contrite, then of course, you should forgive her- but that is miles down the road.

Material_Cellist4133 − NTA Your sister is 16 not 6. She knows better. She is also old enough not to be manipulated. So your sister was always a b**ch.. But next time just record your sister - that’s your proof.

Lucky_Log2212 − NTA. Choices were made. Lola knows her mother isn't like the way this person is depicting her, so why all of the drama. She may be a child age wise, but she isn't stupid. You are an adult, and you choose how to use your time and energy.

Her dad knows the truth as well, so, they need to deal with Lola's situation. They created it, so they have to enjoy the situation that they earned. Period. Do not let others dictate what you do and don't do. It is not their call. Be Well and updateme.

Multiple voices declared that consequences are unavoidable when one chooses manipulation over love, emphasizing that the elder sister’s ultimatum, though harsh, was a justified stand.

Family conflicts, especially those involving parental alienation, are riddled with emotional landmines that can tear relationships apart. In this case, the painful decision to sever a sisterly bond stems from years of hurtful manipulation and the betrayal of shared values.

While some might argue that a relationship should be mended at any cost, the question remains: When is it acceptable to walk away from family ties? What boundaries are too important to compromise? Share your stories and insights—how would you navigate the complex web of family loyalties and personal integrity?

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