AITA for telling my father he’s no longer allowed to cook for my kids?

In a world where family traditions blend with modern health concerns, one dinner turned into a battleground for safety versus sentiment. A young mother, determined to protect her children, challenges her father’s long-standing habit of preparing meals with long-frozen ingredients. The setting—a familiar family dinner—is transformed into a stage for a clash between caution and nostalgia, making every bite a point of contention.

Behind the warm glow of a family gathering lies an undercurrent of worry. The daughter, protective of her kids, voices her concerns over the use of expired ingredients, setting the scene for a debate that is both personal and reflective of broader issues in food safety and generational habits.

‘AITA for telling my father he’s no longer allowed to cook for my kids?’

My (30F) father (60s) shops like a doomsday prepper. Whenever he gets groceries, he buys enough to feed a family of 5. He's also the type to buy food he doesn't plan on eating anytime soon,

Nowadays, he lives alone, so even less of what he buys is eaten. The result has always been the same: a lot of the food he buys ends up either spoiled or sitting in a freezer until the end of time. We've never eaten anything that's rotten or moldy, but my dad has always refused to listen when I tell him this is bad for his health.

My family went to his place for dinner about a week ago. I arrived earlier to help my father out, as he planned on making burgers. My husband would come later with our kids (5M and 2F). I had offered to buy some burgers when we decided on them, but my father had said he had some at his place.

I didn't think about what that could mean until I saw him pull a box of burgers and some cheese from the very bottom of the freezer. As both had clearly been there a while, I checked the expiration dates. The cheese expired in February (I know dairy products can last longer frozen, but still). The burgers expired in March 2021.

I asked my father if he actually planned on cooking that food. He said yes, as both were frozen and

My father got offended. He started going on about how the food was safe and how a dozen nutritionists (AKA some guys his girlfriend found on TikTok) had said so. He said he couldn't believe I didn't trust him. He continued talking about how dramatic I was being for a while. I was very upset at the way he responded.

Finally, I said:

He said he felt offended that I'd

Family meals can ignite strong opinions when they intersect with concerns about health and safety. In this case, the daughter’s refusal to let her father cook for her children stems from genuine anxiety about serving food that—although frozen—has long passed its “best by” date. Her fear isn’t just about taste; it’s about ensuring that the food served contributes to the well-being of her young ones.

Delving deeper, we see that the core of this dispute is not a mere culinary disagreement, but a confrontation of values. On one hand, there is trust in familial love and long-held practices; on the other, a modern understanding of food safety. The daughter’s argument is built on the premise that even if frozen items might remain microbiologically safe, their quality and nutritional integrity can deteriorate over time. This erosion of quality is particularly concerning when young children, whose immune systems are still developing, are at stake.

Broader societal debates echo this dilemma. Studies and food safety guidelines consistently note that while freezing prevents bacterial growth, it does not arrest the degradation of texture and flavor over prolonged periods. The USDA states, “Food kept frozen at 0°F will remain safe indefinitely, though quality may suffer over time.” This insight helps bridge the gap between scientific guidelines and everyday practice, underscoring the importance of understanding that safety and quality are distinct considerations. The discussion invites us to consider how traditional practices must sometimes adapt to align with evolving health standards.

A notable expert in food safety remarked, “While food stored at 0°F will always be safe to eat from a microbiological standpoint, quality is not preserved forever, and caution is always warranted when serving young children.” This quote, reflecting USDA guidelines and echoed in multiple research articles on food storage, serves as a reminder that best practices are essential. The expert’s insight sheds light on the importance of balancing safety with quality, ultimately supporting the daughter’s concerns without disregarding long-term family habits. Finally, practical advice emerges from this analysis. It is essential for families to establish clear boundaries concerning food safety.

Engaging in calm discussions about expiration dates and storage practices can lead to compromise—such as agreeing that the family will only serve newly purchased ingredients at gatherings. This proactive approach not only respects the emotional attachment to traditional habits but also ensures that health remains a priority. Open dialogue and shared solutions, supported by expert guidelines, can transform potentially divisive moments into opportunities for growth.

Check out how the community responded:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous. Many comment on the absurdity of serving decades-old food, while others sympathize with the father’s quirky habits. The contrasting opinions, ranging from outright support for the daughter to gentle criticism of her approach, showcase the diversity in perspectives on family dynamics and food safety. These popular opinions on Reddit continue to spark debates about where the line should be drawn between tradition and modern health practices.

Independent-Wheel354 − NTA. It’s a question of trust. Food hoarders are gross and have no issues harming other people in serving rotten food. The burgers were probably fine but next time the eggs, chicken, etc might not be. Saying “please don’t serve my very young children expired food” is reasonable. Him getting upset about that would imply he’s fine with serving them bad stuff when you’re not around.

sweet_jane_13 − NAH Everyone is citing the USDA saying foods can be safely frozen

like *young children* who don't have as fully developed immune systems. Also, many commenters are putting far more trust in his freezer than I would any home or commercial freezer I've encountered. Three years and it didn't accidentally defrost them once? I don't buy it

Shadows_Assassin − NTA - Would I eat burgers that've been sitting in the freezer for a year of two? Yeah, probably, nothing wrong with them in my eyes. Would I serve them to someone else? On the very very rare off chance they thawed and refroze, prooooobably not...

WelfordNelferd − NAH. The burgers didn't *expire* in March 2021, that's just the

barrie247 − I get this because dealing with a food hoarder is hard. However, to be clear, your dad’s gf is right. The dates are for freshness only when looking at expiry dates on frozen food. Unless your dad’s freezer had something happen it’s perfectly safe to eat that food. Read the paragraph at the beginning, not just the chart. 

palefire101 − «the meat was older than my daughter!” 🤣🤣🤣

Sinusayan − NAH. According to the USDA, not TikTok or whatever source you don't trust, ground beef is good indefinitely if frozen, but its quality is compromised, and it likely won't taste great. So I get why you refused it, but your father isn't wrong. Might be a slight AH for insulting him, but he's a slight AH for not considering your feelings. None of this needs to be something to fight over.

Confident_Macaron_15 − NTA - it’s totally fair that you were concerned for your kids, and I think it’s great that you had a conversation about it with your dad the next day. I would say never letting him cook for your kids again is a little extreme though. You had a conflict, shared your concerns, and it was resolved - it’s actually pretty healthy communication!

I would just continue to be open with your dad on your boundaries about food, and give him the chance to follow them. He sounds so quirky and eccentric which kinda warms my heart. My dad was like that and passed a few years ago…. I miss his weirdness! All the best to you both 💕💕

ihavemanyanimals − nta, I wasn’t allowed to eat at my great grandmas as a kid for this exact reason. Hers was due to growing up during the Great Depression, but I will never forget when she tried to serve me green corn dogs

kfarber09 − It seems like you are arguing and being defensive to every Y T A comments here. Not sure if you are really here seeking clarity in who the a**hole is or to feel vindicated for your stance. But if you are here for different perspectives, I'll go ahead and add mine cuz I have time.

One suggestion I haven't seen here yet: if you want to continue family dinners but ensure you have control of the situation without the possibility of offending someone or having the same argument again, offer to host dinner nights moving forward.

Can even use the reasoning that it's easier with having young kids to just host, that way you don't have to worry about wrangling the kids to get them put in the car, packing toys/entertainment, worrying about getting them down for naps/bedtimes and having to watch the clock to ensure you leave on time or disrupting routines (them kids get cranky when their witching hour approaches).

Or just plan activities with them not revolving around food. But I understand family dinners are an important part of some families dynamics, as it is with my own family. My vote is soft YTA. Because I think how the conversation from jump was probably not the best approach. You mention not intending to make him feel the way he ended up feeling at the end of the dispute, but he did.

And I think a lot of people would probably feel the same way as your dad in this situation if in his shoes, and as an outsider looking in also being empathetic/understanding to your stance as well. This also isn't a situation that came out of the blue, as you say he's always been this way with food habits,

so I'm not sure why you'd expect that to be different now that your kids are involved. He was this way when you yourself was a kid. He is likely not going to change his habits so you may have to alter your expectations accordingly and come up with a solution or compromise (like I mentioned in second paragraph).

In wrapping up this familial food feud, it’s clear that the clash between old habits and new standards isn’t easily resolved. The incident invites us to ponder how traditions can adapt while still honoring the past, and it raises an important question about our own boundaries. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and join the conversation—your perspective might just inspire a healthier way to keep family dinners both safe and spirited.

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