Mom Bars Ex’s Toddler From New Apartment Haven

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Establishing boundaries in co-parenting situations can be crucial for maintaining peace and order, especially when relationships are less than amicable. For a 30-year-old single mother, whom we’ll call Sarah, her newly acquired apartment represented a sanctuary – a space she was keen to protect. However, a recent incident involving her 12-year-old daughter and her ex-husband’s other child has left Sarah questioning whether she overreacted in her efforts to maintain those boundaries.

Sarah and her daughter’s father have a challenging co-parenting dynamic. To minimize interaction and maintain her privacy, they had agreed that all pick-ups and drop-offs would occur in the lobby of Sarah’s apartment building. This arrangement worked well until one afternoon when Sarah’s daughter called, saying she was just five minutes away. Sarah, who was in the shower at the time, told her daughter to come upstairs and announce her arrival.

‘AITAH for not welcoming this child into my apartment?’

im (30F) a single parent who recently got her own apartment and have been really big on

i rush out the bathroom and get ready to welcome my kid home when i see her come inside the house with a little boy. this boy is my ex's other child(2M) and is standing in my foyer. i immediately ask my child WTH is going on? she explains her dad asked her to babysit for a few hours while he went to run some errands.

i grab the little boy, and my kid and walk downstairs to our lobby, luckily the lobby has a lounge area. I call the boy's mom to tell her she needs to come pick up this baby NOW because i didn't agree on anything and my 12yo cant make decisions this big on her own. now this lady is yelling at me and i tell her she needs to stop yelling before i report this as child n**lect.

the little boy started crying for his mom, my kid tried to calm him down and i loaned them my phone to watch videos. about 40 mins pass by, my ex and his partner show up together. my ex looks upset with my daughter then they both come for me telling me im over exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion, that it was my daughters idea and she wanted to spend more time with her brother.

That i was being heartless by not letting him wait in my apartment. i tell them i didnt agree to watch the child nor did i say he could come over, as a matter of fact, none of them are welcomed, which is why we agreed pick up is at the lobby. i direct most of my anger and disappointment to my ex because how dare he put the blame on my kid.

My daughter was mad a me for a while saying she could've babysat and that she didn't mind. i told her i understand shes excited to share her space with her baby brother speacially bevause its a new apartment and she fibally has her own bedroom, and that maybe in the future we could arrange a visit,

but that it wasnt fair because the little boy doesn't actually know me and i dont know him. She was a little upset but said she understood. i told her she had nothing to feel guilty about, this was her dad's and stepmom's fault because theyre the grown ups and didnt call to ask.

Co-parenting effectively requires clear and consistent boundaries to ensure the well-being of the child and the respect of each parent’s individual space and time. Sarah had established a boundary regarding pick-up and drop-off procedures, which indicates a need for personal space and a desire to keep her ex-husband out of her private life. This boundary was seemingly disregarded when Sarah’s ex-husband used their daughter to facilitate an unexpected babysitting arrangement.

According to Dr. Joan B. Kelly, a clinical psychologist and expert in child custody and co-parenting, “Clear boundaries help to minimize conflict and provide a sense of predictability and security for children.” In this scenario, the ex-husband’s decision to ask a 12-year-old to babysit her 2-year-old half-sibling at the ex-wife’s apartment without prior consent was a significant breach of established boundaries and demonstrated poor judgment.

Sarah’s reaction to the situation is understandable. As a single parent who values her personal space and has specific reasons for her boundaries (as revealed in the Reddit comments, including the fact that the younger child is from an affair), she was placed in an uncomfortable and potentially unsafe position. A 12-year-old is generally not equipped to handle the full responsibility of caring for a toddler, especially in an unfamiliar environment that may not be childproofed.

Sarah’s decision to immediately contact the younger child’s mother was a responsible action aimed at ensuring the child’s safety and addressing the boundary violation. The subsequent confrontation with her ex-husband and his partner further highlights their lack of respect for Sarah’s boundaries and their attempt to shift responsibility onto their 12-year-old daughter.

Sarah’s firm stance in upholding her boundaries and prioritizing her daughter’s well-being is commendable. This incident serves as a reminder of the importance of direct communication between co-parents and the need to respect agreed-upon boundaries to foster a stable and respectful co-parenting relationship.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community has overwhelmingly sided with Sarah, declaring her “NTAH” (Not the Asshole) for her reaction. Commenters expressed shock and disapproval at the ex-husband’s behavior, highlighting the irresponsibility of asking a 12-year-old to babysit a toddler without the other parent’s consent and in their home without permission. Many praised Sarah for setting clear boundaries and prioritizing her daughter’s well-being and her own personal space. Let’s explore the strong opinions and support offered by the Reddit hive mind.

Idk_tho_167 − NTAH. He should have at least warned you. And you did not agree to watch this kid, no adult asked you, and this kid doesn’t know you. They need to grow up and be mature about it

Armadillo_of_doom − NTA.

You would have sent supplies like a diaper bag, ipad, snacks, etc. You didn't. Because you knew your sneaky self was in the wrong.

quizzicalturnip − NTAH. Who leaves their baby with a 12 year old or a partner’s ex? Their judgement is NOT to be trusted.

Baddibutsaddi − Your ex knew you would say no, so he asked the 12 year old who wouldn't say no. NTA

blueyedwineaux − NTA. In the end YOU would be babysitting the 2 year old.

dancingmonkey1418 − Nta. Good boundaries. Ex is awful, who just drops a kid without talking to the adult

Prestigious-Arm9079 − i do want to add, 1)my child is more than welcome to bring/invite her school friends over. Im usually home around the same time shes coming back from school. She has her own room with a PC for school projects, so a lot of the time the kids will come over to do school work.

i have a GC with the parents whos kids are usually at my house, i feel my daughter almost never hears

3) i chose not to have anymore kids even before my ex and i split up because i didn't want my child to be parentified ( im the oldest of 4) i refuse to have her put in that situation by her dumb dad. 4) my daughter's little brother is an affair baby, so i genuinely am still working on my emotions towards that situation. im aware he's not to blame, but i also dont think this was the right scenario of me meeting this child for the 1st time ever.

My daughter calls her bro throughout the week to say hi and talk, so its not like i dont allow them to bond. 5) my house is not child proof at all, i have porcelain/glass and an expensive gamer Pc, a switch and my ps5 in my living room. even my daughter's room has a bunch if knick knacks, and a bunch of breakables.. at the end of the day, hes not my kid, not my daughter's kid and not our responsibility.

DryHead6142 − Um, my(also 30f) kid isn't about to bring ANYONE'S kid over, sibling or not, without at LEAST asking me, then me talking with the other parent. Tf is wrong with them just dropping their 2 year old off like that.🤦🏼‍♀️ Kudos to you for immediately setting boundaries. I can't believe they thought that was okay, even if you were on good terms.

sixdigitage − Sounds like they were trying to start having a built-in babysitter and you put a stop to it. Bravo.

abear61 − NTAH. That child never should have been allowed by your ex to go up to your apartment without your prior knowledge. That was clearly intentional. Your home, your rules. I would have told them that unless someone was there within 20 minutes to pickup the boy, you were calling the police. And would have done it. I don’t play those games. I do have to wonder if they are having your daughter babysit him when she is at their house. She’s not there to babysit. She is there to spend time with her father.

These comments from Reddit users overwhelmingly support Sarah’s stance, emphasizing the irresponsibility of the ex-husband and his partner. The community strongly agrees that Sarah was right to prioritize her boundaries, her daughter’s well-being, and the safety of her home. The ex-husband’s attempt to shift blame onto the 12-year-old was particularly criticized.

Sarah’s situation underscores the importance of establishing and maintaining clear boundaries in co-parenting, especially when navigating less-than-ideal relationships. Her ex-husband’s attempt to use their daughter for childcare without Sarah’s consent was a significant overstep and a disregard for their agreed-upon boundaries. Sarah’s decisive action to address the situation and her firm stance in protecting her personal space and her daughter’s well-being are understandable and justifiable.

What do you think of Sarah’s reaction? Was she right to be so firm in her boundaries? How should co-parents handle unexpected childcare needs? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below.

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