AITA for making it clear to my sister that my son won’t be helping her with “stuff”?

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In family dynamics, striking a balance between helping out and understanding individual limitations can become a minefield—especially when disability is involved. This narrative spotlights a protective parent who has learned the hard way that not every family request is benign.

With her 8-year-old son managing dyspraxia—a condition that affects his coordination and makes simple tasks challenging—she is determined to shield him from undue stress and unrealistic expectations. After multiple instances where his limitations have been misunderstood and exploited, a firm boundary was drawn.

What started as casual encouragement from his aunt quickly escalated into an unyielding demand for help with packing and other “stuff” that exceeded the child’s abilities. Despite countless discussions on the matter, the repeated pressure finally pushed the parent to make a clear statement: her son will not be used as a tool for family convenience. In doing so, she not only defends his fragile self-esteem but also calls for a more compassionate approach to accommodate his unique needs.

‘AITA for making it clear to my sister that my son won’t be helping her with “stuff”?’

My 8 year old son has dyspraxia, which is a neurological condition that affects coordination and movement, for anyone who has never heard of it before. He struggles not to drop or break things, doesn't have good eye-hand coordination. He has always appeared

This is something my sister has expressed frustration about over the years. He was the type of toddler (and now kid) who will be eating or drinking something and it falls to the floor or he knocks stuff over without meaning to because he's reaching for something else. It's not his fault, he does OT to help him and has done physio in the past to boost his strength.

But there is no

But his condition means he can't do everything other kids his age might be able to do. Now this is a huge problem for my sister. Last weekend my son spent the day with my parents while my wife and I were attending an event. My sister went to my parents and asked for my son to help her and her kids pack up stuff for their move and my son said he couldn't help and he was sorry.

My sister told him he's a big boy now and should be helping but my son told her he doesn't do that kind of stuff. My parents told my sister to leave. She confronted me after this and asked me what I was teaching my kid when he won't help out family. I told her we're teaching him to work within his means and to not help out someone who will berate him for his condition which she will do.

She said we're coddling and spoiling him, that he's more than old enough to learn how to be more careful, to do better and to cause less accidents and make fewer mistakes and he needs to learn to help family. And we need to make him do

Her response was that it was an a**hole thing to say that he wouldn't help specifically her and that she's still his aunt and my sister and I'm supposed to be her brother. I told her she's supposed to be my sister and my son's aunt but she edges on bullying him over this and it does not make her a suitable person for him to try helping out. She asked me for an apology and for me to make this right. She told me I owe her that much at the very least. AITA?

In situations where a child’s developmental condition is at play, setting boundaries becomes essential. The parent’s decision to stand up for her son is not about fostering laziness or discouraging participation, but about respecting his physical limits and emotional well-being. Many experts assert that children with dyspraxia require supportive environments that honor their capabilities rather than penalize their differences.

According to Dr. Caroline Havercroft, a pediatric occupational therapist, “Children with dyspraxia often face challenges with fine motor tasks and coordination. It’s crucial that we adjust our expectations to support their growth rather than push them into stressful situations that could harm their confidence.”

This perspective reinforces that insisting a child do activities that trigger frequent accidents is not only counterproductive but also emotionally damaging. In the long run, establishing clear limits helps prevent further frustration and fosters an environment where the child can thrive at his own pace.

By clearly communicating that her son will not be tasked with responsibilities he is ill-equipped to handle—especially when doing so invites undue criticism—the parent is advocating for a safer and more realistic approach. Expert advice, coupled with common sense, suggests that respect for individual limits is key in any supportive family dynamic.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community largely backs the parent’s stance. Many users point out that consistently pressuring a child—especially one with a known disability—to perform tasks outside his capabilities is both unreasonable and harmful. The consensus is that if family members cannot adapt their expectations to his unique needs, they should not demand his help. In short, respect for personal boundaries and empathy for his condition outweighs the outdated notion that he should always “help out,” no matter what.

fallingintopolkadots − NTA. Has your sister even tried to understand your son's condition? Because it sounds like she's just chalking it up to a clumsy kid who needs to learn how to be more careful.... when that's not the issue here at all. You're a good dad for not subjecting your son to the bullying of an aunt who cannot respect and take into account his limitations, and it shows in that he felt comfortable standing up for himself.

Dittoheadforever − You're NTA. . She asked me for an apology and for me to make this right. *I'm sorry you lack basic understanding of my son's condition. I'm sorry you lack the empathy to understand it's not about

Quartz636 − NTA even if your son didn't have a disability, it's f**king rude of her to try and press gang him into helping her pack to move. He's not a slave she can pick up and cart off for manual labour when she feels like it.

NeitherSuit2648 − Nta. Adult with dyspraxia here. Thank you for making an effort to understand your kids' abilities and limitations. Good job standing up for your kiddo

hobo122 − 1. Your sister doesn't think your son's disease is real and he should grow out of it. I also tell people without legs to stop being lazy and to stand up.. 2. Your parents are great for understanding and for telling your sister to leave.. 3. Well done on telling your sister to not be a d**k.

Ellejaek − Not the same thing, but my son is autistic, so I feel you. There is no other way to say it, but my son is different. He is quiet, and doesn’t like to be around a lot of people. It took me years to deal with the grief of knowing my son was not going to be who I had ‘envisioned’. I learned to accept who he is and embrace him where he is, instead of where I want him to be.

All that said, a lot of family members just don’t get him. At all. They think he is ‘spoiled’ or I don’t ‘push’ him enough. Those people can suck it. They have zero idea what my son has pushed through and accomplished in his life.. NTA and thanks for being a great dad!

SufficientBasis5296 − Your sister is an entitled ass. He has to help her because she says so? After waiting until you'd left? Knowing full well there might be breakage? What did she want him to break so you'd have to replace it with something new?

killerteacell − Sorry, an adult tried to force an 8yo child who does not live with them to help pack their house? And then refused to let it go when told no? Putting aside the limits to your son's physical ability, his excellent enforcement of boundaries, and your sister's history of bullying a child for his disability, this is a ridiculous thing for her to ask.

If I needed family help to pack, I'd be asking my parents and siblings, not their children. (Outside of a full family packing day, where the kids help with packing soft things that can't be easily damaged, because no child that age is going to have the knowledge and focus to pack well and without direct supervision for hours.). This was a setup from the start to manufacture another reason to bully your child. NTA

Big_Falcon89 − NTA, and I myst say, even *without* dyspraxia I find the idea of going to an 8 year old specifically to help you pack to be bordering on the absurd.

gingasmurf − NTA my bf has dyspraxia, I try not to ask him to do things that require spatial awareness. Why on earth would your sister think a dyspraxic 8 year old is the best person to help her move? One thing that has helped my bf immensely is rock climbing and bouldering,

by focusing solely on his body positioning and hand/foot placement for an hour or two a few times a week he is finding that he’s less accident prone. It may be something your son would enjoy more than repetitive physio work if that’s an option for you?

In conclusion, this narrative serves as a powerful reminder that family support must extend to understanding individual limitations. When a child’s condition calls for special consideration, the priority should be their well-being over traditional expectations.

The parent’s determined stand against the undue pressure reflects a commitment to nurturing her son’s self-esteem and safety. What boundaries have you set in your family to ensure everyone feels respected? Share your thoughts and experiences, and let’s discuss how we can balance support with realistic expectations.

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